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Kimmy-Nichole Jan 2011
my dreams
too many to keep count of
float through my conciounce
every second despite being awake,
I question just as much as ever
Kimmy-Nichole Mar 2012
We have so many coincedences-
its like we are on lifes meant to be list,
i lost a friend he lost friends,
instant attraction love at first sight,
my broken phone his missing phone,
we both encounter hand enjurys;
we care for eachother
like eachother; 2 weeks deep
and I am obsessed; more or less
mindover matter
his car breaks down,
next night my car breaks down,
run in with our exes and our dads
what are the odds?
we are strong and together,
we can handle anything this world throws at us
together as a team
pinch me, this feels like a dream
Kimmy-Nichole Apr 2011
my situation as of present day:

.Finally. It could still be.
I wanted to be devoted
simply yours and only yours,
I was in love.
so self absorbed in your skin
I wish I was in your soul
lost in your eyes
with every blink of your b eautiful blues
I see what you see,
The life you and I used to talk about.
Kimmy-Nichole Jul 2010
anticipating this big step
eager to start
i know the distance between us
wont intertwine
you will be calm and collected
ill be at piece with my mind
i wont look back at the
what was left behind
ill sit and smile
and anticipate our tomorow.
Kimmy-Nichole Jul 2010
A slap in the face
a rush of pain
my hearts racing
pumping faster
like a frate train
Ease it
heal it
make it go away
end this pain
cure my hell
Ill pray forever
can you tell?
Kimmy-Nichole Apr 2011
You were all I wanted.
Everything I dreamt
All I needed.
IT came to a dribbling end.
I tried moving on
I tried Everything.
Nothing
except you.
You were still there
Kimmy-Nichole Oct 2010
Its all ive ever faced.
I am waiting
second by second
day after night
morning after dawn
Kimmy-Nichole Jun 2010
Respect and Regret
Neglect to forget
pain is hurt
strength is grown
never regret
getting hurt
its all part of the plan
Kimmy-Nichole Jul 2010
self reliant
independent

realistic

real

everything

****** up
and right

but mostly wrong

made me everything i am know

which is bigger than strong.
Kimmy-Nichole Jul 2011
a week back home wed to tuesday of the fifth
i had a long series of peaceful and sleep field nights
aching from the uncomfort of my original twin bed
to the admiration of my ry and bru

a second flew by
oh too very soon

i am determined to be better
stinging with back aches
Kimmy-Nichole Aug 2010
Incomplete spells defeat on what a winner Ive obviously proven to be -
This simple change shall make it known to be the most promising,
Dilemma That Has Yet to Happen to Me.
Kimmy-Nichole Apr 2011
capitalization and pronunciation
is a thing of the past in this current state-

im not perfect
ill never be

I need something
a purpose
a reason for living
and a reason for leaving this part of the golden coast
Kimmy-Nichole Apr 2011
im scared.
But  "I know I will be okay... "

(The quote that seems to make it all okay in the mind of Kimmy)

the seconds till sun sets feels like a lifetime.
I hear the whistle, but dont have that kick.
I feel the pressure; but there's no release

my break time, has turned into lunchtime and my style has changed from super so cal cute to what the **** am i doing out here?

i seriously contimplate playing with death. i think to myself how id do it and what the aftermouth could be.

its as if my skin is crawling with uncomfortableness.

this city isnt for me. im not for me.
i know who i am.
what i enjoy.
what is wrong and what is right.

but oftenly enough, my behavior has trashed all previous  teachings once learned. I cant take myself seriously i cant take life seriously. I am in a relationship that is remaining consistant because its one less thing to add to my table platter of life.

sometimes i wish i could just walk away after being served, but it just doesnt work that w ay. I get that.
Kimmy-Nichole Jun 2010
Harsh not hard.
Hounded like Anne Frank
Treated like a victim,
A Prisoner of YOUR war
In your own freak show parade

Somehow
Despite my disgust
And my dispair
I have made it this far
As a personal puppet
To a sick monster master
Of a mother

One short stretch of twentyone years
Feels like the Coldest and Longest
Cold World Fair
I do believe
It is time to retire.

So Thank you ever so kindly
For your extended invite-

But this time by choice
With no regret nor remorse
Ill kindly Say, "No Thanks"

And skip away
To be on my way
Never ever to be
Your puppet prisoner

Or your daughter.
Kimmy-Nichole Apr 2011
here I am
Ive made it
to some degree
I am proud
still rather loud
despite the disgust
the unhappiness
the sorrow and the toxicness
that once filled my life
just as much as it filled the overpopulated air,
I am able to walk tall and proud

For this is my time
for once in my life
Kimmy-Nichole Jul 2010
My Life.
Your Understanding.
So Different.
Understanding will take an eternity
Your outlook isnt going to help you see
It wont put my world through your eyes any more clear
Just more fog to add to the haze.
Kimmy-Nichole Aug 2010
its okay its alright
just fall asleep
isnt that ideal
better put, it is desired
the tock of the clock
the click and clack of my mac
the seconds closer to the suns warmth
and the perplexed discomfort of my
frail fringed tensed tissues;
The desire for a dream
Its been long sense Ive seen,
I feel however full of life -
energy, *****, and ready to ignite
It is the strangest thing
but the things that are strange
is those that are like a dream
Kimmy-Nichole Jan 2011
quiet the contarary
i did it
i failed
i felll on the ground
of the addicting retail pit of helll
Kimmy-Nichole Aug 2010
i mistaked that birds crow for you-
all i long for is to hold you
my tears are for that of joy
and the mere idea of you not being here.
Your my rylee my lovey my puppy
my baby number 2,
afterall hunny hunny bunny
baby bru came before you;
I miss your whimpering as much as it broke my heart,
I was attentive and ready to provide all that i could
for the nurturing you need
The feeling of the sharpness of your puppy teeth
as you used me as your chew toy;
any moving object became your object -
I loved every second of it.
I love you Rylee boo, I do I do I do
From the sole bottom of my heart
to the second were apart -
You have my heart .
Your my baby
my joy
My light beneath the miserable heat
this distance so deep
Slowly digs steep-
Will soon be gone;
There will be nothing left to long for;
because I will soon have you
Kimmy-Nichole Jul 2010
So Much Of it Covers the Vast grounds of the world-
It is the floormat to the deep blue seas that I never go near,
For I Once fear the Mystery of the Unknown.
Kimmy-Nichole Aug 2010
The recipe to comply - oh how the Ingrediants are Ever So Rare.
As my journey proceeds on- Ill prove to accumulate
More and More As I live on,
With the Simplicity of my personal reassurance  
I bid you adue - Good Luck On That search
For The Worlds Most Rare Ingredients
Kimmy-Nichole Feb 2012
senorita
her name is ******
living in a half empty cup
under neath the stars
of a lofts stairs.

****** dances and dreams
wonders if life is all it seems
as its perceived,
questions her thoughts
traces her dreams

chases the feelings
that so desperatley brings ****** to her knees
perhaps there is a plan
maybe its all just a test

as ****** sips her cup
under the stairs
a man comes and says hey bonita como se llamo
******, she speaks softly and smiles
hola senorita he replys
Kimmy-Nichole Mar 2011
Five sixteen am
Here I am again
No Sleep Yet
Oh Ps; There is no bet

The Feeling of Expression
The Use of Words
A sense of Relief
Rushing from my head
IN your bed
I wonder what Your dreaming,
I know I love You
And You Love me

Our Relationship will be
As god intends it to be
Kimmy-Nichole Jul 2010
Potentially
I am beginning to see
The Man
You just might be
Maybe
As I begin to learn
Your Oh so Simple
Current Self
Is Just
A Mask
TO HIDE
The Past
BUT
If that Is so
I WONT
runaway
or
letgo
Ill Simply
Stay
Day By Day-
Ill UNDERSTAND
Grasp The truth,

Soak it In,

Simmer In The You I never knew -
And treasure every second
of the man you are today .
Kimmy-Nichole Jul 2010
When It happens
Its mostly common
I fall.
Usually Very hard
l slip.
and free fall into the deep blue depths of the sea
I make it knees length into the ocean
Because you are there
You save me from sinking.
Everytime.
Its you.
Kimmy-Nichole Jun 2010
I am 21.
I am a female.
I am known as Kimmy
I like to shop
I like to smile and talk to strangers

I prefer to pick flowers than to pick fights
I forget things such as names and numbers dates and my car keys
I like to dance
I believe in angels and heaven
I like to live with no regret
I believe life is short and sweet
Living Uptight and Unhappy is not my style

I Prefer to live day to day
as hard as that might be
for iF i had it my way id like to fastforward my life
just to see where ill be

I love few trust not that many
yet have my reasons
I have a terrible relationship with my family
I have learned HOW not to be
thanks to my parents
I lived a life of much tension/pain/frusteration/abandonment/love/hate/negativity/and lonliness
from all of it despite it all
i would not change a thing

i am kimmy
as unsure as I feel
I know ill figure it out

I rise above the negativity
live for the moment
learn from every mistake made
apologize for my wrong doings and than some-
know right from wrong
and am overly free spirited

If I died tomorow.
I hope to rise above my uncertainty
and into the security of knowing exactly who I am and who I WAS
given the will to live and the drive to understand life for how it is intended

I am hoping to make this self discovery sooner than later.
Kimmy-Nichole Apr 2011
august- a struggle beneath a mess a face obvious to stress.
september- the summer heat is sticky grosse and u
october - partying fun molly and making out still in love so confused under the spell of this party drug he introduced to me
november- rough and rocky. the part of my life that seemed to be so obvious and prroven that it was too good to be true
december - cold. christmas lights and doubt. a trip bachk home for a week that lasted way to long  ; a trip to washington . who am i becoming.
january - a new year a rave at a highschool like venue a tiny parachute of molly and **** ciggareets and greeed this girl in the mirror, what am i doing.
february- nothing great a part time gig at a floral shop and  a confusion of many things, a list so long it would read all the way to the sun
MARCH - the  first at midnight  12:13 to be precise konstantine is playing
Kimmy-Nichole May 2011
22 eager and proud,
Not afraid to be blunt,
Ready to reflect myself from hurt,
And to feel with my mind,
And to see  the world from life on the otherside;
A benefit of plenty,
Is the feeling of empty.
(In regards to how you must feel and how sorry I am for hurting you)
Kimmy-Nichole Aug 2010
Impact. Lead.
Ignorance is my Bliss
Be the You If Ill be The Me-
Between the Lines We read It is Clearly Not So Clean
As a Matter of  - - -
It Is *****, and Misleading
But Promising In all Actuality.
Kimmy-Nichole May 2012
the time is here,
the air is clear
the time is now
to go about
a certain path
all alone,
guided by my own heart
pathed by intuition
felt by faith

here i am,
free at last
standing taller than ever
loving myself and being strong
i know the right one is out there
it just takes time and personal change
i will achieve that.
Kimmy-Nichole Jul 2010
For what its worth.
Just watch me
Pretend to feel
Ill tell you Im okay
When all is going good
Its going great
But once you leave
Im back to it all over again
Reality.
It hurts
You say you get it
You understand
You dont
You can not
I promise you
This is pain depicted
from a first person point of view
Kimmy-Nichole Jun 2010
denile
sure its possible

how much can one girl handle
ive questioned

far too much is in my head
afterall

at times its as if
i should crawl underneath my bed

curl up read a book
or just die

thats a simple alternative
so called plan

quite frankly.
i like it unscripted

life is no fun
if you predict it.
Kimmy-Nichole Sep 2010
my heart flutters
with just the thought of you-
in a way comparable to a butterfly's flutter,
a more comparable description:
a clear nights sky
simple and clean
so pristine.
Kimmy-Nichole Apr 2011
i had it all but hated it overall
it took this one time where i thought having no mall
was the worst thing of them all
b ut boy oh how i was wrongly  mistaken.
Kimmy-Nichole Jun 2010
This is this.
I can not change the way I was raised
Nor the lessons learned
Or the issues of yesterday
I can not let the day fade away-
In fear of what is sure to come
For That was that
And this is....This
Kimmy-Nichole Apr 2011
The sky is so lit with silver diamonds shimmering in the night sky
so pretty so prestine
why oh why cant this just be one big bad dream
alone in isolation
forced to learn
how to grow up
and not to be the ***** from so cal
who loves me
but doesnt respect me
yet is so protective of me from other guys
but no from his choice violent choice of words
from the little boy with one big ego
Kimmy-Nichole Apr 2011
please excuse the lack of capitalization
dreaming
i need to sleep
i know i do
i need to eat
i need advice
i need my old life back
minus the problems with my parents
and a different residence obviously near
Kimmy-Nichole Dec 2010
its like what the ****
can i plan to wreck
obviously subconciously
beneath my distracted eyes
ill make my move
ill plan it steatlthly
so quant and quiet
youll wonder how you'll ever miss me

but in the end
Youll hate the idea of ever knowning me.
Kimmy-Nichole Mar 2011
a new town
I am scared and want to turn around
I am looking back-
A major fear, I am on a new track

What is tomorow to bring?
Im in the dark
After a deep breath in
And a sigh of relief

Im on a new Chapter
Of my new start.
Kimmy-Nichole Dec 2010
And the Piece of paper
not even worth being named
so unIMPORTANT
thats what ill scribble
my name on

its my turn to get congratulated
ill be more real
a little bit specific
congratuHATED.

I am ashamed.

ashamed of being associated with the reflection
trying to keep myself from the world
when I just want to get away
forever
from myself
Kimmy-Nichole Dec 2011
as the wind blows,
the air chills,
the frost nips at my nose,
and the cold chaps my lips;
I think about the life I live
and the future ahead.
It may be blissful and bright,
or perhaps short lived,
however the cards play out
there is only one thing
I live to think about;
**everything happens for a reason
Kimmy-Nichole Apr 2011
lazy and lathargic
**** thats how i hated being
(yet its my hobby so it seems)
oh fancy me,
stop the show and drop the act.
slender or thick,
drop dead or barely at a six,
I promise internally emotionally and physically -
Ill be okay; and the harder It gets the stronger i become.
Kimmy-Nichole Apr 2011
lazy and lathargic
**** thats how i hated being
(yet its my hobby so it seems)
oh fancy me,
stop the show and drop the act.
slender or thick,
drop dead or barely at a six,
I promise internally emotionally and physically -
Ill be okay; and the harder It gets the stronger i become.
Kimmy-Nichole Jul 2010
All so familiar
So suffocating
Yet Ive become
So used to it
Its the typical
just another day in the life
something
nothing
another day lived
is another battle won
Kimmy-Nichole Sep 2010
You are him;
My dreams are of You.
My minds imagination plays out the days,
Of what we used to know.
The slow paced seconds spent,
In a fast paced world.
All that mattered,
was that we were together-
We had each other.
All I see currently,
Behind my new window of reality,
Are the days spent without you
and how I'd give anything,
to be solely surrounded by just you.
Truth be told,
Your beautiful face Is with me;
Every second of every day,
You are the only thing that lingers
On my imaginative brain.
Of all the smiles,
And every grin I've Come to see,
Not one could ever compare to that of yours.
You are the most handsome of all the men walking this planet,
and to be the one Ive ever Come to have Loved.
Jack, you are my everything,
My entire existence as I know it;
The foundation that fuels my burning passion,
The undying, never denying, blissfully simple,
Sweet like candy, Soft like cotton,
And as astonishing,
as your eyes staring me away on the prettiest of all days;
Forever in my heart,
You my darling
Have truly Won my heart.
Kimmy-Nichole Feb 2012
that than when and how
guess add multiply
figure it out
confused isolated alone
we are the ones
you are the cure
and i am the disease
Kimmy-Nichole Jun 2010
It is hard to explain
Almost impossible
Im destined to find
Something more
I know how
Its a process you see
Everything will be simple
crisp clear clean
salty as the deep blue sea
I will find me.
Just you wait and see.
Kimmy-Nichole Jul 2011
so this just in.
last night, after a grueling  day of nanny-ing, I went to  the davis consignment store and broused around   finding some numerous  cute tops and shorts as well as purchasing 2 new books to add to my reading collection ( i just finished the time travelers wife.)
so than  around 4pm  I  was heading to B st  where I   was meeting with my future roomate, who by the was amazingly nice and pretty and has a boyfriend and turns 21 in september. Im so excited to leave parkside apts - living in north davis is such a drag. Central Davis here I come  ( Ill be living   5 minutes to  UC davis, an amazing arbotreum, pools, the davis Arc and frat  row and party city. This is going to be the best thing  that has happened to me.)
So after that  I went back to my  apt  and as giddly as ever, called my mom to  tell her my amazing roomate  news.   ( mY moms finally really proud of me. I am working 2 full time jobs as a nanny  from 8:30 am  to 2:30 pm than my night nanny job  4:30 pm to 5:30 am except on wed thur fridays.)
so it being my night off, i   figured why not go out.  so my apartment neighbor whom i met at the gym friend jesse who is 29, studied as a foreign exchange student in finland for a year, gotten a dui, is a davis townie, went to a  college called will-am-eit  and was in a fraternity out there. he is fun to go out with and bar hop in downtown with; the last time i was  out with jesse, i went to a bar called sophias than later on met up with my ex crush who is this charming dbag from winters named chad and got fun drunk. Well in aims for that spirit again we started off  by drinking and laughing at my apt . we decided to go lay out by the hot tub  and drank beer  being sillly kids. we decided to hit up downtown davis for this bar called the grad. It was beach themed  country line dancing night. Yeah , being alone because  your friend is off showing off his line dancing with precision kinda moves and meeting line dancing babes in bikinis ...awkward for sure. so amungst bying my own 2 beers which were hand picked by my big  and sure of himself bartender, which eventually  led to my  very  interesting night of drunken madness. It kicked off on as previously mentioned on the way to the grad which lead to me leaving with this older woman in a cab to another bar that was supposed to be more enertaining.  I ended up forgetting my id at the grad, my phone was dead and to top it all off  i didnt know anyone s number at the top of my head.  i decided to take matters in to my own feet and chose to hoof it back to my apt on f street. god, what a long and stupering night that was.  when i finally made it, out of exhaustion and drunkness , i  collided onto my neighbors couch still in    last nights outfit. karla  woke me up at 7 :30 and i showered  feeling super ****** and groggy , i couldnt eat or drink. I had work at 8:30. not feeling so hot, i was slowly getting through the day. the kids and i all layed on and under blankets and stuffed animals, and i told stories. it was really cute and relaxing. i love those kids.prior to that i threw up. after that it was time to drop off timothy at therapy, than abigail and abraham at speech therapy. I threw up in the bathroom, and on the sideof the minivan in front of ruth and timothy. ugh.    
so  than after i talked to my neighbor  slash ex boyfriend patrick about getting in connection with a a herb that helps me feel better by increasing my appittie and helping me sleep. he provided wth that special  herb. while sitting and smoking, i felt the spark that we used to have. i confessed to sleeping with a guy i met in newport two weeks ago on the fourth of july when i went back home. patrick told me he has hooked up with this slutty townie girl, and i wish them both std free happyness.

here i am typing away , getting sleepier and sleepier. Tonight will be a  early night indeed. i love my new spirit and i love who i am. i love where i am going. i will not exceed more alcohol than my tiny light weight body can handle.. Well it feels good to write. i know i must get back on that writing more often. until next time,
-Kimmy
Kimmy-Nichole Aug 2010
B lank.
A clean slate.
I  AM sorry,
Its Not Fate
Believe Me.
TRUST
The Intentions
Of All That is Happening
Is for the Ultimate test -
The Best And
Hopefully the Rest
Of Our Lives

Together.
Kimmy-Nichole Sep 2010
patient and quiet
i hear the wind

i think to myself
how proud

somewhere out there
high above is a shooting star

i am transitioning
into greatness
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