I.
It feels like the moment
Just before a roller coaster
Drop.
Front seat, eyes wide,
But the weight of the cars behind
Gives you the time to recognize
There's no going back.

II.
The mix of almost fear,
adrenaline and excitement
was enough to take
ancient armies to war
and cause feuds that destroyed
whole civilizations.

III.
Here's you.
Sitting, Watching, Knowing.
Opening your mouth
Wide, Wider,
Sheer terror in your veins
Lifting your hands in the air.

IV.
Given the chance,
You'd do this every day
For the rest of your life.

Like chocolate cake
but sweeter, somehow
though it isn’t cake at all
like sharing icing with your best friends

Like sugared oranges
sticky and saccharine
too sweet to be healthy
but so satisfying to eat til you’re sick

Like a cavity after orajel
the pain numb
but the taste as well
better, not worse, and quickly getting used to it

Like dancing in the rain
your ears deaf to shouts
of those who tell you
to go inside and dry off

because you’re happy here.

it tastes like bile in the back of your throat
feels like tears stinging behind your eyes
like a migraine just beginning
like a high pitched whine at the highest volume

it seeps into things unrelated
tinting your favorite colors
flavoring your favorite foods
putting white noise in all your favorite songs

it leaks onto your friendships
staining arms after hugs
leaving laughs polluted
reflecting in eyes that’d trust you with anything

it screams at it wins
the sound one of terrifying joy
“burn!” it commands
but you are made of stone and mortar

it fills your chest with unease
your fingertips with trembles
your mind with final conclusions
your lips with lies that taste like sugar

“I don’t” but you don’t mean that
“I don’t want” but you do
“I can’t” but you can
“I won’t” but you will.

Mud
The sort that slips between your toes
and fingers
that cakes your clothing
and leaves all things
unclean

Worms
that you dodge after a rainstorm
walking the whole way
on your toes
as to not crush them
but the sickening slick sound
of inevitably misstepping
and killing one anyway

Rain
that covers you from head to toe
that steals the heat of your body
and gives it to the unforgiving air
that rebirthing metaphor
that doesn’t seem to be working

Thunder
but in the distance
none of the power that threatens
none of the shaking terror
just a memory of something
lost

I'd rather go
one stop shopping
at a
lobotomy
store