I know that he's happy wherever he's. He's lucky that he still have someone writing about him lol! I have promised myself not to do this but I realized that we never stop loving people. So I guess writing seldom how I feel won’t hurt. Many things have changed since we parted ways. Months after we cut our connection, I felt abandoned. So from then, I am not echoing my ache to people anymore. I found some of them unreliable. There are little things that I’ve been hiding to myself though I talk about him. And as I conceal them, they are outgrowing me already. And I have to check myself everyday if these flaws slip from my clothes.
     Time has passed and I feel like everything was just coined in a blink of an eye. The radiance he gave was still haunting. I probably need a closure to answer these things I’ve been asking myself for so long. I still wish him all the happiness in the world for him to deserve them. And if God permits, I hope he’d conspire all the roads for our paths to meet. I will be happy seeing him but I don’t know if I’m ready yet. One thing is for sure though — I won’t break my promise. I would still accompany him when we meet.

I’ll never forget the day I met my childhood bestie (Big Guy as I call him now). I met him when we were ten. I walked into my fifth grade English class and immediately noticed we had a new classmate at our bench. He was a fat cute kid and had fear in his eyes as he was new to the school and place. He wasn't good at speaking Malayalam as he was born and raised in Dubai. I thought to myself, I have to be his friend. But somehow we used to fight a lot. We both went to abacus class but never had a chance to sit together as we were different batches. I spent everyday with him at school
Got into trouble with him. He was a studious student where I was just the opposite. But that one year with him was largely a product of my favourite memories. Yes I started having a crush on him but I never let him knw about that because he had a crush on my best friend that time lol. He went back to Dubai after sixth grade. I felt very low. I didn't had any clue where he went. But we reconnected through fb in tenth grade and I was very excited and happy to meet him after four long years. After tenth grade, we met when he came to Thrissur for holidays. He bought me my favourite chocolates and to be honest, my eyes were on those chocolates that I didn't actually pay attention to what he was saying. We talked for five minutes and I left for my tuition. Again after that meet-up, we lost contact. We reconnected again after another four years in 2016. Of course we had our differences and plenty of times we had to take a break from each other. But one thing always remained - The history of friendship. There's always something about this, and after all these fights and good times, we've clung to that fact. We've been there for each other through the break ups, loss of family members, personal issues, incredible hardships and achievements. In fact, there have been many milestones in my life that he hasn't been a part of which I'm so grateful for. Above all, the thing that is most special about our friendship, is the way we pick up where we left off no matter how worse it was or how much time has passed. There is something amazing about being around someone who just gets you. Someone who has known you since you were just ten. Celebrating fourteen years of friendship with this man child!

It's been a while,
Since I have seen fall
It's been a while,
Since I've wandered through the fallen leaves
Somehow recalling those fall memories with him.
He's long gone now,
but he still creeps up on my mind once in a while.
Now that I'm feeling inspired
Taking a deep breath
and inhaling all the fresh air
The sun shines brighter and
the sky looks lovely with those cotton candy clouds.
Oh Fall-
I'm in love with you!!!

Companionships don't see spot or time. It sees association. You can find the closest companions in the most unexpected circumstances and can last longer than those individuals around. In the event that you give it some effort, it very well may be more grounded than love.

So I met Ham through Instagram but I have known him before that through somebody who was important to me at that point. Eventhough I'm not keen on talking about that individual presently, I'm thankful to her for this valuable companionship I got now. Talking about Ham, we're alternate extremes. He's tranquil and I'm loud. He hushes up about his contemplations and I expresses my genuine thoughts. But somehow, by one way or another, we became very close friends and he helped me change myself for better. I didn't anticipate meeting somebody like him yet I'm happy that I did.

Unlike the friendships I have had in my past, that was generally during fun, serene and happy occasions, but this, I am blessed with his friendship and support through the rollercoaster phases of me being a struggling individual. It made me a better companion as well. I understood I ought to never address him or persuade him to do what I believe is "correct" on the grounds that I know certain things "better". I simply remain close by and ensure he has my help through his good and bad times, his mistakes, his misfortunes and his successes. Sometimes I do want to prevent him from committing similar mistakes I have made in my past to try not to get hurt. However, being a companion doesn't mean you prevent each other from committing mistakes. It implies you are there for one another when the other individual commit mistakes, tumbles down, and ensure you assist them with getting back up again and gain from their own experiences. It's a similar space and regard he has given me as well. Regardless of what my insane thought or dream was, on the off chance that I trusted in it, he would back me up 100% and with rejuvenating those thoughts and dreams, not even once scrutinizing my capacity or expectation.

To each and every individual who is as yet single out there, my main tip to you is to find a friend that makes you feel as loved and as fulfilled as possible, instead of seeking it in a romantic partner. You will realize that having a friend like that in your life will make you confident, happy and never insecure or afraid to lose whoever you are going to date. Now that is going to attract much healthier relationships towards you. You experience a separation, you will likewise proceed onward without any difficulty with a companion close by who wildly guards and ensures your bliss. Ham's loyalty and support has taught me a lot of things. I never felt desolate or the need to discover somebody just to cause me to feel less forlorn because I already got a friendship that fulfilled me.

Each time I felt low from the past memories despite the fact that I have moved on, Ham advised me that I was deserving of somebody better, due to the manner in which he treats me. In fact, we have always told each other that we will not settle for anyone who can’t treat us the way we deserve to be treated. We continue to prioritize our companionship because they are important especially when you start your own life. This is a scared part of my life that I fiercely protect and cherish, that will keep me warm and sane as I keep moving forward through life.

Nothing makes me more joyful than seeing Ham doing better and happy, and witnessing him achieve all his dreams. There were times when I considered him brutally honest and maybe a touch of maddening espacially when he goaded me to explore new things when I wasn't even sure. But I realised that those very characteristics were the qualities that made him the close friend of mine. A companion, a woman would actually want.

And, to Ham, I can just say "Thank You" for being quite a valuable blessing in my life, for improving my life for making my life better and brighter in so many ways, everyday. To many more years growing and exploring life. Cheers!