I woke up to lip stick stains on the
Pillow case

and the scent of your cologne on my body

the taste of bitter liquor lingered on my tongue

while the scent of fresh coffee drifted
throughout the home

the senses were so familiar but the scenery was never the same

the bed was always in a new place
and the coffee never tasted the same

the lip stick stains were always a different
shade and I always recalled screaming
a new name

I want to see my muscles and bones
I want to see the tissues that make up
this fractured body
I want to write my favorite
poems on the insides of my eyelids
so I see beauty when I blink
I want to unzip my skin and shake off the dust
gathered from years of being
unused and untouched
I want to inspect myself on the inside
to see my body work together when my brain sleeps
coauthoring my breath
instructing me to keep living.
I want to see the make up of me
and try to retrace my muscle memory into something new
string my tendons into bows
wrap my veins into vines around my mothers' garden
so she sees the tattered reasons why I can't help her bloom.
I want to see if there's more to me
or less of me
most importantly I want to see if you're still carved into my stomach
knots leaving scars.
I'm curious
if my insides are more beautiful than my outside

It takes energy to love,
and energy cannot be created nor destroyed.
Does it mean that my love for you has always been and always will be?

It burdens my heart
that you must contrast your smile
with the lux of stars