i) I never did a good enough job on helping my sister, and I guess that's why I blame myself when she wears long sleeves in the summer and finds unhealthy addictions in boys that never have the same intentions as her.

ii) I have a habit of making homes out of people who see me as nothing more than an empty hotel room.

iii) I stopped taking medicine altogether after the physiologist told me it would help with the sadness. I don't want to rely on anything but my mind and my heart, two things that often mislead me.

iv) My intentions are gold, but I always make things ******* myself and hurt others along the way.

v) I say the words, "I'm sorry" as often as some people say hello. You could break my bones and I'll apologize for driving you to do it.

I am tangled hair
after long drives
on hot summer
afternoons with the
windows down, stuck
in that timeless moment
when you can't
help but smile
because you know
that you're free.

I am the freckles
scattered across the
backs of my
arms and hands that
make up hundreds
of tiny constellations—
all complex,
all imperfect,
all beautiful.

I am the song
that takes you back
to that simplistic moment
after your junior year
of high school—
the one that you
haven't listened to
in years, but
still remember
every word like it's
the back of
your hand.

I was never put here
on accident.
I am no mistake.

-k.p//i am

know that tomorrow
holds the promise
of a new beginning
and each morning,

you are reborn.

-k.p

I wrote you a letter on the back of a napkin, but it will never grace your touch. My feelings are so indistinguishable, and nothing should be written in ink only to be crossed out soon after. This was a habit of yours, and everything has been written in red because of it.

Memories of us are collecting dust in a shoebox beneath my bed that I won't dare open until my heart is for another. Because although one day, these things won't cut me open or sting, I'm still skipping over the third step leading up to my front door now.

Your love for me was fleeting, and that is all right. I do well on my own, but you always wondered why I was scared of calling you mine. Darling, this is what I feared.

-k.w//written in red

I am bruised

but not broken,

and with time,

I will heal these wounds

one by one,

and reject you the power

to ever leave

me like this

again.

-k.w//hearts still beating

The first time I saw you,
I knew you were ready to take on the world.

The cancer might have affected everything else,
but it never really did touch your smile, did it?

And today you let go,
and the pain finally stopped.
I'll never understand why
people like you have to go so soon,

but you were an angel walking on earth,
and I realize that eventually,
you had to go home.

-k.w//sydney strong

i'm sorry this world
didn't love you better.
may you always be
remembered as a light.

-k.p//apology to logan

I'll never understand why
cutting open my skin or
starving myself
was an easier thing for me to do
then simply ask for help.

I wish I could speak the words
weighing heavy on my heart at 4am,
and I want to feel alive.
I want to be someone who kisses
another out of love— not obligation,
and I want to cling onto forevers
because I am overflowing with hope.

But I break promises on purpose now
and it doesn't hurt me one bit,
and I am only vulnerable towards
my bedroom walls and shower floor
because they are the only ones who
care to listen.
I sit silent in the car and I count
down the minutes until I'm alone again.

I have not even scratched the surface of who I want to be.

-k.w//far behind

i spent hours
searching for the
reason behind all
my hurting.

i found you everywhere.

-k.p

She is constantly moved

to become a better version

of herself,

and after living in the darkness

for so long,

she decided to become

her own light.

And although she may think

she has a long way to go,

she has survived yet another day,

and for that

i am proud.

k.w//amanda

As we were laying in the bed of your pick-up,
looking at the stars,
I imagined the level of complexity the sky would reach
if lines brought the stars together
like a connect-the-dots on the back
of restaurant kids menus.  

And the realization hit me
when I looked back at you,
that we are much like stars.
Together in the same night sky,
yet too complex in our own ways to really be together.

I'm falling,
and like anyone else would do
when they see a shooting star,
I can't help but to think your only wish when you see me,
is to only be farther away.

But the leftover stardust
that make up the freckles underneath your eyes,
that you seem so ashamed of,
allow me to realize,
that you have fallen too.

So maybe we are the broken pieces
that are meant to make each other whole again,
so that way,
we can finally shine like all stars are meant to do.

-k.w// Shooting Stars and Empty Hearts

Although the pain was uninvited, and although it broke my heart, I'm coming out stronger because of it. I can only stay underwater for so long before I'm welcomed by fresh air.

And even though it feels like I'm drowning right now, I know it will all end in steady breaths.

It hurts now. God, it hurts now, but I know I grow in the pain.

-k.w//growing by the hour

I had always told people that I didn't like the night
because I had a terrible fear of the dark,
but I don't really mean that I tremble over the absence of light.

I'm terrified of the dark voices that consume me whole,
and tell me to do awful things.
I'm terrified of the emptiness that fills me to the brim,
the catastrophe that my mind experiences each and every night.

The absence of light around me is what scares me the least.
The absence of light within myself is what leaves me absolutely terrified.

there are days
when i'm grateful i didn't
share all my secrets
with you,

and there are days
when i wonder if the act of
pouring myself out
would've made you stay.

-k.w//secrets

But as I'm looking back on our texts,
I find myself re-reading the last words you ever said to me.
"No problem.
I got your back."
But can you please tell me,
where you are now?
Because it has been months,
and I am constantly washed in misery,
and there has been not a single soul
to keep me company.
I still wander if you ever think of me.
Or was it just as easy to forget about me
as it was to leave me?

One day,
I'll be able to walk on my own two feet,
and I'll be so strong at that point
that I won't even remember
you being the reason
I couldn't get off the ground in the first place.

4:02am
i am moving onto better things now.

2:14am
i remember you said "no one will ever love you like i love you" and oh god, i hope you're right.

5:57am
you are worth the fight.

4:16am
the pain is so familiar, and it's become so **** comfortable.

3:03am
this feeling of suffocation is one i never want to feel again.

7:34am
i don't know how else to tell him that i miss him.

5:47am*
this doesn't mean a thing.

-k.w//first thoughts in the morning

thursday evenings
wrapped in stiff sheets
that leave me feeling
far from home,
bearing sacred memories
in scarred palms,
grasping for a moment
that passed long ago.

-k.p//unease

We have made a habit of
hiding the darkest parts of ourselves
where no one else can find them.
Sometimes, I think I've hidden things so well, I won't even be able
to recover them from myself.

And one day, we will spill
our hearts out,
and reveal everything
to anyone who is willing to listen
purely because the act of concealing
does nothing but exhaust
the soul.

-k.w//always in hiding

And in fear of opening herself up
and being caught in a storm,
she never allowed herself
a chance to feel the
warmth of the sun.

-k.w//vulnerable

The sky is painted with
shades of blue and grey,
and there are miles of open road
ahead of me.
I hear music that makes
my heart skip,
and I am surrounded by people
who love me so.

And in this moment,
my past isn't holding me down.
I am not restrained in any way
to live how I want.
Right now, happiness is everywhere,
and I am letting it take control.

-k.w//Tennessee

One day,
you will begin to realize
that you can't save
other people—
you can only love them
as they learn to
save themselves.

-k.w

Please ignore my shaky hands
that send earthquakes
through my bones
when the air between each other
is filled with nothing more than
harsh words that suffocate us.

I have survived a lot,
but the constant tsunami
of tears that follow
is not something I want
to battle with any longer.

And I know why
hurricanes are named
after people,
but I am trying to
minimize the casualties
that are often causing
forest fires inside me.

-k.w//natural disaster

I want to show you all of my favorite songs,
so maybe when you listen to the lyrics,
you'll hear all the words I've been too afraid to say.

I wish I was better
at holding onto
longer forevers,
but I tend to shy away
from simple times
and happy endings.

I make things hard
on myself,
and complicate
every relationship-
leaving them in ruins,
and then hoping to find a forever
that actually lasts.

-k.w//a forever that lasts

You go by
your middle name
because your first
"doesn't fit you",
and it's as if
the second you were
brought into this world,
a part of you already
felt like you didn't belong
with the rest of us.

-k.w//your middle name

Months are passing by
in the blink of an eye,
and everything's moving so fast.
Moments are held together by prolonged hugs and tender kisses,
and the moments away
are like a knife to the back
and the harsh word,
"goodbye".
One moment,
I feel at peace.
And one moment,
the air in my lungs thicken,
and I forget how to breathe.

And I can't help but wonder
if you ever feel it too.

Does it make sense to say,
that I think I was made to suffer?

And does it make sense to say,
that I think I was made to die alone?

Maybe I was put on this earth,
to show society and everybody else
the downfalls and side effects the pressure of this world can bring upon young adults.

I don't want to be alone,
but alone is all I'll ever know.

I promised myself months ago,
that I would never cry about you again.
But here I am,
at 2:31am,
spilling my eyes out over you.
This will not be my last time,
although you probably never even shed a tear about me.

Sometimes I wonder how I've become such a ****** person,
but then I remember that after a while,
your friends start to rub off on you.
Yeah, you were pretty ******,
and you made me ******* bitter.

teach me how to let go.
i have scars on my hands
from holding on too tight—
i must find the strength
to heal.

-k.w//what i think of when i think of you

You've grown so comfortable with
one-way conversations and
vacant stares.
You have allowed silence
to fill the space around you,
and apathy to reside in the broken
pieces of your heart—
all because you've been
hurt too much before.

You are mysteries upon mysteries,
but you won't let anyone
past your surface.

You have made such a home in the shadows,
and I don't think you ever want to be found.

-k.w//living in the shadows

When he talked about
our life together,
he'd never fail to mention
the lack of sadness
within me.
It was almost like he couldn't
imagine a life alongside me
as long as I was
battling my own mind.

And now,
more days than not,
the sadness inside me is absent,

only he's not around
to see the light radiating off me.

-k.w//a sight you'd love to see

(I) feel so lost
because you're the one
who said we shouldn't run
when there's a problem,

and you're the one
who said you (never) wanted me
to write over a broken heart again.

I've grown (tired) because even
when I cautiously fall,
I still fall too **** hard.

You did what you thought was best,
and I'm proud (of you) for
doing so,
but please don't expect me
to be okay.

-k.w

In mere moments,
it seems, I will be
wrapped under stale
hospital sheets;
throat scratching from
a breathing tube,
a hollow body where
organs have been
sawed away.

I still love the womb
that only cultivates
funerals, would keep
it forever inside
if it had allowed.

I think of the cyclical
nature of hope—
how those who cradle
around pretend to
not notice the quiet
decay of one’s body,
promising me
there’s still semblance
of a woman residing
here.

-Kathryn Paige // The Hysterectomy

And I don't know why I fall in love with such
self-destructive things.
When I first come across them,
I truly do believe they will numb the pain.
I didn't think you would **** me.

And I will not lie to myself when I write this.
You were my favorite mistake,
one I'd be willing to make again and again.
I would go through all the pain again,
if it meant I could just have you.

But you are my cigarette smoke,
filling my lungs.
I ignore the fact that you're slowly killing me
because as time passes without you,
you're all I think about,
and I always go back.

Why do we always go back to the things that **** us?

i feel my heart growing
apathetic towards the things that
stung two days ago,
and i'm trying to fight this because
i care.
i care.
i know i ******* care.

but that doesn't change the fact that
right now,
you could tell me you want me
to stay,
and i don't think i'd believe you.

-k.w//wars

And I could be standing in
the middle of a forest
with nothing but miles of
solitude wrapped around me,
and even then,
I wouldn't be alone.

I hear the trees whispering
your name every time
the wind blows.
The birds are singing
our song,

and you are everywhere.

-k.w//you are everywhere

What was supposed to be a very
temporary thing in life
became a very
permanent thing
on my body.

You take a look at the universe, and you admire it for it's beauty. What you must realize then, is that you're a part of it.

I scratch out your name
that's written in the back of my mind,
but as I flip through the pages,
I find that you're all that's there.
Just your name,
our memories,
and my broken heart.
Because as I've found out,
I can rip out all the pages,
and burn all of what we had,
but your name will still be engraved
in the back of my mind,
stitched deep into my heart,
and hollowed into my soul.
I don't want to write about heartbreak anymore,
but every line comes back to you.

-k.w//I Can't Seem To Let You Go

You have lived through
everything you've endured,
and there is bravery
in knowing your limits.

-k.w//Limited

You are so beautiful,
and not just in the way you look,
but in the way you think,
and the way you choose to exist.
I am so lucky to know you,
and I want to spend every waking moment
reminding you of every aspect
that makes you beautiful to me.

-k.w

I guess I should've listened
when everyone told me that
people aren't medicine,
but ****,
I thought you were my cure.