I wish there was something left to say, an utterance to explain what it is I feel right now.
This second.
Feelings of loneliness creep around me, even though you sit merely inches away.
Hopeless, I have broken the stick and the white flag is raised.
Sobbing, I cannot cry with a tear, but I assure you, I am sobbing.
The dryness in my throat, allows no further arguing.
Can you not see, I am sinking.
I am destined to, why are you here to mock me, try to save me.
I will not let you anyways.
Defeat, I refuse to accept anything but.
I close my eyes now, making amends that this will be the last time.
The last time.
But it isn't.
You will remain here, and so will I.

I just want to know one thing.

That night when you pulled me into you,
when you held my hands in yours,
brushed my hair to one shoulder,

The same night that you kissed my lips softly,
whispered my name in the dark shadows,
traced my face with the back of your fingers,

The very same night that you didn't care if we were seen,
with your hands holding onto my hips,
with your blue eyes locked on mine,

The only night that you laid me down and smiled from on top,
when you kissed up my inner thighs,
then continued to kiss down from my lips.

The night that we had longed for those 2 years,
when it became real finally,
when you finished with a sweet kiss to my forehead.

Do you remember that night?

I want to know who you were that night.
You were not the man that I learned to love so easily.
Or the friend that I helped out of the dark.
You were not the smile that was so contagious.
Or the dreamer that only feared reality.

Who were you that night.
You were not the boy with endless stories to tell.
Or the person who stands up for himself.
You were not the listening ear and shoulder to lean on.
Or the man that taught me how to love myself again.

That night, you became a different person.
A lost soul, breaking down again.
You were unraveling, and you forgot me.
All that you taught me, you simply gave up.
So many words uttered, like shards of glass to my heart.

What did we become that night.

Close the book and walk away,
I have to try to everyday.
To suppress the memories until they fade.
All those conversations, everyday.

Rewrite the lines and the leading role,
Replace the feelings that he'd once stole.
The underlying character, the one untold.
The pages torn out, with the pain they hold.

The chapter gone, but the stories so alive.
Smiles and tears, feelings revived.
Just a peek, a little reminder is all.
The ease that it takes, to secretly fall.

This book of secrets that only we see.
The stories inside we must never read.
Must bury these pages deep within.
Before the book is left open.

I want to be the first person you think of when you wake from a long nap after a hard day of work. The one you just can’t get enough of. I want you to love me like you will never see me again, knowing you will see me within the next couple of days. I want you to love me for who I am which includes my flaws and the parts of me that I wish I could change. I want you to kiss me like I am the only girl you have ever kissed. I want you to love me enough to tell me when I am wrong, but also to support me when I am right. Even if it is only us standing. I want you to feel confident when I am around, knowing that I won’t be going anywhere fast. I want you to love me enough to bring out the laughter that I love sharing with you. I want you to hold my hand in front of everyone, just so they know how happy we are together. Most of all though, I just want you to love me. <3

Looking into the mirror, I see this broken up person.
Begging for someone to come, to help her.
Pleading for someone to notice, she isn't as strong as they think.
I see the fear threaded deep within her eyes.
I can hear through her ears, the anxiety that chokes her.
It is her lips that reflect next, they tell me a story.
A tale of guilt and abandonment.
I continue to stare at this broken up person.
The tears fall like cement from her fearful eyes.
I want to understand her, why is she in so much pain.
She exclaims that nobody knows her, especially not me.
She smiles, I brush the tears off her cheeks.
As she walks away, I finally understand.
The pain comes from the strength that she shows.
It is not strength, she is inflicted by so much pain.
She is empty inside, hardened by so many ugly things.