little dark girl with
kind eyes
when it comes time to
use the knife
I won't flinch and
i won't blame
you,
as I drive along the shore alone
as the palms wave,
the ugly heavy palms,
as the living does not arrive
as the dead do not leave,
i won't blame you,
instead
i will remember the kisses
our lips raw with love
and how you gave me
everything you had
and how I
offered you what was left of
me,
and I will remember your small room
the feel of you
the light in the window
your records
your books
our morning coffee
our noons our nights
our bodies spilled together
sleeping
the tiny flowing currents
immediate and forever
your leg my leg
your arm my arm
your smile and the warmth
of you
who made me laugh
again.
little dark girl with kind eyes
you have no
knife. the knife is
mine and i won't use it
yet.

I saw you standing there
The world around you
Sparkled and glowed
I knew you were electric
I knew you'd be the closest
I'd ever get to real magic

In my almost twenty one years,  I have come to realize my existence isn't for me. I wasn't brought into this world for me, or just for the sake of my existence. My existence isn't for me, I wasn't meant to be happy. So every shred of happiness, I hold in my hands, tightly, till it turns to dust. Till it turns to tears. That I shed to release the sadness left behind. I'm not on this planet for me. My tears won't change that. I was born for everyone else.

Can we just chill for a bit? It doesn't have to be on some romantic type ****. Just some 'let's get together' type ****. Smoke blunt and just do whatever type ****. Cause we're friends right? And I don't need all the benefits. I just need someone- someone who'll be around, who'll give a ****. I'm just reaching for some company. Hoping you'll hit me up, just to see what's up with me. We don't have to get up or anything, but I do know this park up the street and the city just installed new swings. So if you're down... I'll push you, you push me? Or we can take a walk and just talk about things. Get lost and forget what tomorrow might bring. Or take a drive, hit the interstate, let our minds break free. We can even just sit on the roof, stare up at the stars and relax. We can just be. You know, together, just you and me. And we don't have to be together in any other sense of the word, just be here physically. And we don't have to be together, if that's what's going through your mind. If you want more, I'm fine. And if you don't, I promise, I'm fine. All I'm reaching for is some company. So if you're down, I'm here. Come see what's up with me.

So you're not answering the phone anymore, is that what this means? Do you not want my voice anymore? Cause that's kinda how is seems.
   I wish I could forget you, but we both know I don't mean that. I think about you all the time, my mind and heart are constantly in combat.
      I was just calling to know you're okay, not trying to ruin your day- But I wanted to make sure you haven't forgotten about me
I know you're back where you want to be, just in time too- It feels like you've taken the summer with you.
            I know you were looking for happiness, and I hope she's the key. I hope she builds you up to everything you could possibly be. I just hope you don't forget where you came from, at least not in the years to come

I know this wasn't home for you
                           But you were home for me.