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Here's to lost memories,

Whispers over the phone,
The boy that saved my life.

Melodies from the heart,
The boy with a knife.

A summer to remember,
The boy that meowed.

Singing in the car,
The boy that never frowned.

Sleepless nights,
The girl I grew up with.

Ghost hunting,
The boy who believed in myths.

Telling me not to hide,
The boy that texted dad.

Secret messages of love,
The boy I never had.

Here's to lost memories...

And the friends that became enemies.
Won't you please just let me be
Please just leave me at my own peace

Won't you please just go away
When I say leave, I don't mean stay

When I push with all my might
Do not fight back, it is not right

When I stop and start to cry
Try not to look me in the eye

Do not try to fix my life
You were not the glue, but the knife

Say goodbye and let me go
Accepting all you do not know
Like gambling?
Take a risk,
Take a shot of whiskey
Take six
Your night could end badly
Or brilliantly

For me there is no gamble
I don't care what happens
I am a shambles
I am a shaman
This is my daily ritual
Call it habitual
It's not an addiction, unless its a problem
Is it?

No problem
Only a solution
This liquor solution
Could be the conclusion, to my night
Or an insight,
To a new dimension
A new realm of reality
Something closer to my fantasy

Realistically, there is no risk
I know where we're heading
I steer this ship.
Have a glass of gin
Have six.
I'll give you an endless supply of possible outcomes
You just take your pick
I don't care what happens.
Your quiet but your mind is loud
Soaking up every little thing you hear or see
Studying and carefully concentrating on the creatures
The creatures functioning around you
Your the one that hides out in the big parties
Taking up the wonderful space in the corner
Taking photograpic memories of everyone in the room
Laughing drinking and forgetting there problems
You watch
And you silently wish that was you


But you have no idea
That being different is the best thing you can be
And you should feel bad for them
Cause they're not different
In fact they're all the same
It started out good, It started out sweet,
your hug, your hand, your warm embrace,
your eyes looking into mine, I saw kindness and warmth in your eyes
and I stupidly mistake it for love,
I honestly thought we'd last, I thought you were "the one".
But really I was wrong
You used me for a friend
I wish I could have seen through the lies
I wish I could have saw what was really in your eyes
the love in their wasn't for me, just the girl who was always next to me
when you'd smile or take my hand,
was it her you saw?
was it her you pretended to hug and hold?
Was it her you dated me to forget?
Does it matter that I am dying inside?
Does it matter that I actually loved you, that I always will?
Does it matter that I stay up and cry for you?
I stay up night after night thinking why wasn't I good enough for you?
What did I do wrong?
I wonder I cant mean something to you, why I didn't matter.
I wonder why didn't I see you for real, that you didn't care, that you never will?
I really do love you, and I know it may be hard to believe since I just let you leave
but how can I hold on to someone who doesn't care...who loves my friend and not me...?
This is actually something from the heart and happened to me. These are my personal thoughts so please don't hate on it.
It pushes down on your chest line a thousand pound weight,
unable to get out from under it.
Tears form in your eyes and your heart pounds in your
chest and you can’t breathe and you feel
trapped in your own mind
desperate for an escape
clawing your way to the surface without prevail.
Stuck within the labyrinth,
every turn you take thrusting you deeper into a puzzle that you cannot solve.
Your worst fears come out to attack you at your weakest,
When you can’t defend yourself against their evil.
There’s no help for you.
All you can do is tread water and hope not to drown.
Written during an anxiety attack.
I envision you in your Sunday best
Taking off my clothes in my tiny one bedroom apartment.
Just enough space for you and me.
Kissing my neck and moving down my torso,
Down to my heart shaped box.
But I'm stuck here alone,
Just for now.
Touching myself,
I like it so rough.
pretending it's you,
You,
You,
Oh my god, yes you.
I want you so bad right now.
I can see you in my head,
My breathing gets so quick,
I crave your touch every second,
I can't be satisfied.
Give me what I want.
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