he cheats on me
he’s not good news
not my first choice
not a choice at all

he tells me about it
with sticky words and **** explanations

is it still cheating if i never asked him out?
or is it just nothing

fooled twice now heaving
won’t stop him leaving

can’t think straight
like if anything he does is

i miss him
like a frayed cardigan
and i miss how he would elaborate
like the bitter wind biting between my fingers
i miss his scent, nostalgic like
an old bookstore or starbucks frappuccino
his eyes like an art gallery
where we went during our lunch break

i miss being ignorant to him
him just being a friend, commenting on
men we found fit while walking.
my type was him, his type was mine
and yet only one of us liked the other

i miss sitting next to him
in maths class, mcdonald’s, the bus
canterbury or the coast
i miss him
and i can’t get over him

but i have to pretend it’s fine because
‘that’s just how life works sometimes’
i reject the premise, i want to cling
onto the idea of him like a lifebuoy

could go either way
like unbiased scales of justice or
a two pence piece

could change my life
or it could just keep it in its current form

may the mould of my life break
and in its shards reforge into something more

love is like a blind man
trusting his fate on others
leaning on their shoulder to guide him

trusting that they won’t abandon him
or lead him into turmoil

your mind is everywhere
but have you ever felt
the simple joy of being content?
how about the wretched sadness
that inhabits your whole being?

i tell you, you haven’t lived until
life gives you pain, torture, anguish-
shaking the very foundations,
and you overcome it.

you may try to flee to the bottleneck,
or the billowing smokestacks.
let me warn you plainly: you won’t
find a place to hide anywhere in the world

i load into the world, ready to
do as the title of the game says: mine and craft,
he joins. dread mixed with love ensues

time goes by, we level up,
wood to stone, stone to iron
making a plan for our little abode

with cows, sheep, and 2 cats,
just as i begin to fantasise,
he leaves the game

the chatbox rings out
Achievement get: DIAMONDS!
and it was all in vain