It’s always you

When we break apart and start to move on, my heart tells me no.
It’s always you and I didn’t know that you affected me that bad.      In their eyes I see you
    Holding their hand is useless cause my fingers to ache for yours.
And when I cry, it's you who I want to hold me tight.
Lying to myself is easier than admitting that I need you.
Because every corner I turn, I half expect to see you there.
When I look at him smiling, it's because my eyes have played tricks on me and I see you instead.
You are MY drug and I’m addicted
No rehab will not help.
Therapy cannot erase our memories.
This new guy can’t love me like you can
This new girl cant either.

I’ve been saying “I love you” to these new people hoping that they would pass the message onto you.

So when will you realize it?

Instead of arguing about the “L” word,
We argue about why the refrigerator door was left open,
Why our clothes smell like cigarette smoke,
Instead of arguing about the fact that we barely see each other
We argue about social media posts,
Then we clash and hurtful words are said.
While tears run down our faces, one of us always walks away.

So then one of us apologize.
With a motion of a hand, we call each other over and offer a small smile.
Our lips read “I love you” as we pull each other closer,
Your wrap your fingers around mine and respond with a kiss.

The usual “I would do anything for you” is spoken out loud, and as people stare at us making faces, we don't care.

We kiss again and all is forgiven.

Understand that I can love you to death & never speak to you again‼️

I looked at her and said; "Of course I love you with all my heart, but I'm starting to love her too and I dont know what to do..."

How can I say I love you when the thought of you makes me cringe and my heart beats wildly from fear?

Waking up to loud voices in my ears,
Wild thoughts swimming in my head.
"Do it, do it!" the voices seem to shout in my ear.
I want to die but I also want to live.
I have cut my skin open and turned my blood into gifts for you and everyone else.
The air has been ****** out my lungs and into the mouths of those who begged for air.
My eyes are gone, they were taken to be used to see the good in everyone else but myself.
It's draining seeing my bones broken and used for tools to carve engravings.
My sacred place sitting in between my thighs being used as a rest stop for those to feed themselves until they are full
My heart being put together just to be broken apart like a puzzle.
At certain moments my feet are dragged to a place surrounded by water and I'm tempted to jump.
"Jump, why won't you jump?"
"**** yourself, why won't you do it yet!?"
The 30 pills all piled up in my stomach, my heart rate slowing down.
I pass out but soon I ******* wake up.
I let myself sink to the bottom of the pool, but someone saves me.
One bullet left in the gun, but its snatched away and the last bullet is wasted in the air.
30 more pills are separated into 15, a final effort to stop me.
It still hurts sometimes to feel the light healing scars on my neck from the cords.
Tears are permanently painted on my face.
Disconnected from the world
Disconnected from the human race
Disconnected from me.