You are not my children,
tender as you are.
You are not my lover,
though you cause my heart to yearn.
You are not my sun,
or my moon,
or my star.

I set you on this rock;
you will not make me burn.

You are simply sticks,
arranged upon the pyre.
You are clever tricks,
though you flaunt my clear desire.
You are not the match,
or the wick,
or the fire.

I set you on this rock;
To see what might transpire.

You will never be a pheasant's egg to be coddled.
You are only this: a calf led to the slaughter.

Fourteen years ago when I held you in my arms, it seemed surreal. So fragile you were and like a tiny doll. Only God knows how much I miss being able to pick you up and hug you tightly close to my heart whenever I feel depressed.
And yet I love you now all the more. You are so special to me and always shall be. Our family has shared so many joys and so much heartbreak through the swiftly passing years.
You are sunshine and daybreak and iridescent rainbow hues.
The baby has been replaced with a very special friend.


Happy Birthday Sweet Daughter!


Much Love,
From Your Mother

I had a dream last night
that we were perfect, happily loving each other

Then i awoke from the dream
to find you aren't mine and I'm
just a fool with a beautiful dream
of you holding me tight.

You've got it good you see if you're not unwanted like me an unnamed burden that is for certain a beast with no beauty a wandering soul with no rest was I that wicked in a past life? I guess I can take striking out but I've done so horribly it's hard to not dwell on it and I know I've written a lot about feeling unwanted but when you get led on by someone you thought was a friend it's like wandering into a job interview and making it far enough to get a call only to find out they hired someone and though it wasn't meant for you at all it stings your pride and beats your spirit to a ****** lifeless pulp

so while I have to indulge my feelings of emptiness and disappointment again my friends just know you aren't a waste of space and if you're in a hole like me you don't just have it good, you have it great

It hurts hiding inside myself,
    I won't do it any longer...  

I need to be free
      To show the true me
          
   And finally escape
          This life filed with
     **Misery