She sees the young people.
Exchanging daydreams
In beautiful  eyes
across the room

The woman with silvered hair
Sighs and sips the vinegar wine.
Her black ash mascara
awaiting her tears that are
Ready to trail her cheeks
with unwanted memories.

Time awaits for her
around the shadows wearing
A scythe and cloak in fearful dread.

A lifetime of assignations
lie in the graveyard .
A lone plot deep and dark
It's soil freshly dug
Bears her name.

she nods politely  at the young.
Her smile hiding the wreckage
Of her life.
But she knows the truth

That lies beneath her makeup
The dried lipstick on crystal glasses
That will not wash away.
Or the water Stains on her soul
Of a thousand stories
She has never written.

Come to the velvet night
Where gossamer dreams alight

Into the darkest  dark
Being to me your igniting spark.

Let go of all of
your doubts and fears
Forget your
lost and lonely years.

Bring back your
needing sighs
That can't speak
of any  lies

Give to me your soul
Let me be me
Just once  again be whole

Fall from a place so
high above
bring to me
all of your love

Until I can smile
Oh yes!
Until I can smile.

Tonight I am breaking the promise
that I made to myself, once again.
The one I made
to my heart and soul.
That I would not write love
poetry to you ever again.

To lock the doors to my heart
So those thoughts of you
Could not get back inside.
And haunt me in my dreams.

I am throwing away
the keys to my heart.
Into the deepest ocean.
Never to be found again.

To exercise the ghost you left
haunting the ruins of my soul.
Walking about inside it
As if it was still your home.
even though
I was ever enough
to keep you here.

I promised I would let you go.
To continue surviving and breathing
Even with the dagger
You left in my heart.

I promised myself
I did not need thoughts
of you to write
my poetry any more.

But here I am again.
Writing to you more love poems.
Because you are still at the base
of every one of my thoughts.

And without you
There is no more
poetry left in me.
So because....because of that.
This is better....
........This is better
.......................This is better.
Than nothing at all.

I am breaking the promise
that I made to myself, .
The one I made
to my heart and soul.
That I would not write love poetry
for you, ever again.

To lock my heart in a vault.
So those thoughts of you
Can not get back inside.
And haunt me in my dreams.

I am throwing away
the keys to my heart.
Into the deepest ocean.
Never to be found again.

I need to excise the ghost you left
haunting the ruins of my soul.
Walking about inside it
As if it was still your home.
even though
I was ever enough
to keep you here.

I promised I would let you go.
So I can continue
surviving and breathing
Even with the dagger
You left in my heart.

I promised myself
I did not need loving thoughts
of you to write
my poetry any more.

But here I am again.
Writing  more love poems for you.
Because you are still the muse
of every one of my creative thoughts.

And without you
There is no more
poetry left in me.
So because...
because...
.because of that.

This is better....
........This is better
.......................This is better.
Than nothing at all.

Big Boys don't cry--Do They?
By
Jude Kyrie

You must know this
before I begin this story
I was only a teenage boy
way back then.
I was definitely not a safe place
to be called home.

She was even younger than I was.
We were not just ready—for---marriage
or anything close to it.
it still does not excuse what we did.
somethings have no forgiveness.

Since that long ago day
I have always wanted a daughter.
I know she will never come.
It is my burden--
Mea Culpa, My fault.

I sat in the beat up old car
In the car park of the clinic.
Whilst she went through ---with ----it.

I am a man's man.
I never cry....ever.
But the tears flowed then.
down my young face relentlessly.
My breath was spent from sobbing.
I could not stop the tears.

I know now I should not
have tried to stop them.
For I was in mourning
for the daughter
That I shall never have now.

Even after  all these years.
On quiet summer days
when the lake shimmers
in the bright sunlight.
And the perfumed magnolias bloom.
I see a young teenage girl
nubile and innocent.
swimming in the safe
calm waters of the lake.

The sky is clear and blue over her
and the sunlight
warms her with a loving future
of great possibilities.
.
And for a moment
i see myself in the old
dented Oldsmobile.
i am weeping like
an inconsolable child.
and I touch my cheeks.
and find the teardrops
are back just like before.

BIG DADDY

It was me I know it was.
I was too young
18 is a cruel age.
I like to say i was too vulnerable
but that's not true
It was stupid me for sure it was.

I was struggling financially at school
I was short of money
no scholarship no real job I just pizza delivery.
I needed that education to build my future up.
The Boston Fertility Clinic was high end expensive.
All I had to do was
Bash the bishop
Wressle the snake
And aim into a cup
I got fifty dollars every time.
Hell I was doing that anyway
five times a day for free .

What I did not know
Was that the ***** was toxic
highly mobile the doctor said.
If one landed on a ***** hair
it climbed up and found an egg.
You were pregnant honey.

And what I really did not know
Was the doctor at the clinic
impregnated over 200 women
With my *******.

That was twenty five years ago
I am in my forties now working as a computer analyst
Dating a lovely nice police woman
that told me yesterday she was pregnant
I was taken aback
I did not like or want kids

But then the lawyer appeared
There's always a lawyer isn't there though.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a carp.
Ones a **** ******* bottom feeder
the other is a fish.

She said the clinic I donated my ****** fluids to.
Was being sued by a group of people who wanted to know
Who their biological father was.
There were over 130 signatures on this claim they said the clinic used a pseudonym called big daddy and would not release  the actual name of me.
But the thick legal claim had the details of a hundred and thirty one of my offspring.
I thought I was more guilty of carrying a concealed weapon.

She elaborated,
  my ***** was so high performance
they Used it again and again with great results.

! got a lawyer to protect my interest.
She said don't contact anyone on the list profiles.
But I did.
The first was a young  lady of 19
She was pretty and feisty but out of work and had taken an overdose of drugs I found her at the hospital. And sat in a chair next to her ?she looked so frail and lost. It touched me I needed her to be ok. I held her hand as she lay sleeping that's when the bonding thing happened,
I stayed with her until she regained consciousness.
Who are you she said, I could not lie to her.
I am your biological father honey I whispered.
She looked at me with tears in her eyes.
I kissed her forehead
and said it's all going to be alright
you have me now.
It was a dumb thing to say
but somehow I felt it to be true.

The next one on the list was a young man of twenty.
Very very handsome and very gay.
He was walking hand in hand with his boyfriend
they stopped under a flowering blossom tree
and held each other closely.
He noticed. Me watching them and turned to me.
Kind of angry .whatsapp
  never seen a gay man before
or are you coming out of the closet.
I said no son not that
I am your biological father.
He stopped and then walked to me
touching my cheek like I was not real.
Then without hesitation he hugged me
and I hugged him back.

Then there was Olivia,
*** Olivia
She was only 10
apparently they freeze *****.
I found her in the orphanage,
she had been there for seven years.
The old nun grabbed my arm
when I asked to speak with her.

She told me her sad little story
there was a car crash involving a drunk driver
isn't that always the case.
Her parents were killed
and Olivia lost both of her legs
just below the thigh.

I noticed all the children looking at me
with sad pick me take me home looks in their eyes.
Then I found Olivia
she was so beautiful sat in her wheelchair.
My heart hurt
I wanted to do something
I did not know what but I had to do something.

She asked sweetly are you my daddy?
I nodded holding back a tear
and an irresistible urge
to pick her up in my arms.

I knew you would find me one day
she whispered
I just knew.

That's when

I got a letter from the lawyer she said the children that I had met had organised a meeting at the local cinema for all my children
That  I had sired
on the list of those who wished to meet me.
She advised me not to go
but I did.

I sat at the back no one noticed me
as this room full of about 120 young people
discussed their lives
and the reasons they wanted to find me.
Some good some bad.

There was a common thread
in their stories
of feeling isolated or alone.
Perhaps different from the rest of the herd.

I went to the front of the theatre
and introduced myself.
I am your biological father
all of you
every single one of you.

I want to say you all speak
of isolation and being alone.
Well you are not.
And never will be alone.
You are members of the biggest family on earth.
You and the ones
that have not yet joined your group.
Look next to you
at the beautiful woman or man
they are your brothers and sisters
you are all one family.

The room went silent
then they applauded
and started hugging each other
talking differently with each other
irrevocable bonds
of the family unit from time itself
was with us all.
Sure a rainbow family
but that's not unusual
in this digital world we live in, is it?

That's when the wheels fell off
And I fell down the mountain.

Unfortunately
we were not the only ones there
the newspapers
if you can call the filthy tabloid newspapers
had a field day,

I was the nine day wonder they crave
it was relentless my face on tv and.
The newspress.
I became the **** of all the jokes
On night time tv monologues.

Like

I did not know jerking off was a job.
And
He's representing America
in the olympic ******* freestyle event.
He came in 1st 3rd 9th and 12th in the trials.

He's making money hand over fist.
He works his fingers to the bone
it was endless.

I lost my job
the paparazzi hounded me at work.
But what hurt me most of all
Was losing my beautiful pregnant police lady.
She was disgusted
that I had fathered all these children
The guys at the precinct laughing at her all day.
She forbade me to see her.

I ****** the lemon
and tried to move on with my life?
I had Olive stay with me every weekend.
And she was visited by some of her blood relatives
Who took her out and to the mall.

Four months later
I got a call from the hospital
My police lady was in labor
I rushed to the hospital
and stayed with her as our son was born.
She said you are still an *******.
I hung my head.

Then as we looked into the doorway
of the small wardroom.
We saw a huge crowd of young people
over a hundred of them.

they had soft bears and baby stuff
leaving it in a huge heap.
Who are these people?
she asked me.

I Said they are my children
and our sons brothers and sisters
They love him
and want to welcome him into our family.

They pushed olive
into the front to see the Baby.
She smiled at him
and kissed his tiny head.

She said I am your big sister,olive.
and I will take care of you.
My police lady put her arms around me.
And said welcome home big daddy.

Epilogue
We married just before Christmas
and the adoption papers were cleared
as olive became my real daughter
not just my biological daughter.

The fertility clinic paid my lawyers
$500000 Settlement
against any action for damages
by me for overusing my *****.

It did not end there
The newspapers and tv
showed the adoption of olive
and a hospital in minneapolis
donated the latest robotic legs for olive
who now walks and wears jeans and skirts.

And I have constant
connection with my children.
And best of all
we have an endless
supply of free babysitters.

Birthdays and forevers

Jude writes as a woman again

Its my birthday
40 *** no not that age.
I turn In the bed the lounge lizard I met at the bar
last night wants one more go at me.

I tell him I need to take a call my mom
she calls me first on my birthday its a ritual.
She says her friend is coming in from Columbus Ohio
She has her son with her
she wants me to join them for dinner tonight
give them  a California welcome.

I went,
mom gave me
the men don't marry easy women speech
and told me she could see my *******
through my blouse.
I was ready for the boring night
of platitudes from moms friend.
But it was then I met him.

He was so beautiful
why do the young
have  to  be  So ******* beautiful.
He noticed my *******
I think he was fascinated by me
to my shame I flirted with him.
We went outside
I lit a joint and we shared it.

How. Old are you I asked
Old enough
  he said and held my gaze.
I took him home and ****** him
it was beautiful
not like the bar trash I usually got.
I wanted to give him everything.

My mom was mad the next day.
She said leave him alone he's only 23
But I didn't
I wanted to undress for him again.
And I did.

He would not go back home east
with his mother?
In truth I wanted him to stay
I let him stay at my place.
I never do that

I have not found anyone in ten years
I wanted to spend even  a weekend with.
But he touched me, deeply,
So ******* innocent
I gave him everything.

He had no job or money.
I found him playing Nintendo
after work and drinking my beer and wine.
He was a bit intoxicated one night
and I got mad and threw him out.

He phoned me twenty times a day
So I let him back
I undressed  for him as always
and he took me to the Bed
He had no condoms
but I Had missed him so much
I just wanted him.

It was eight weeks later
I realized I was pregnant?
Young guys like him
are full of fast moving fishes.
I sent him away back to Columbus
He was crying
and told me he loved me.
But I could not trap him
to parenting a baby.

A year later he
He was outside my door
he said he loved me
and couldn't live without me.
I tried to stop him coming in
but his beautiful eyes got me again

I undressed for him
and we made love on the bed.
The baby awoke in the next room
And he went in to see her.
He looked up at me
and he knew ...he knew

He said nothing
and picked up our daughter
holding her close to his heart.
He kissed her head
and comforted her,
Its alright honey
daddy's here
he whispered to the child

A year later

Our  second child
was born two weeks ago
hes a beautiful boy.
He has his father's eyes.

As for me,
I found my soulmate
nobody ever said
he had to the same age.

The mighty  sea
is our mother here on earth
She gave birth
to her  teeming  masses
We were borne of  her salted  depths
And that is where we must return.
She sends her seagulls
To cry of freedom in azure skies

I hear her sirens wail
Far away in the depths of my sleep
Come back to me, my son.
Swim in the freedoms of my worlds.
See my wonders
You are mine
And I am yours

Breathe your air out there
But remember
You belong here in the cooling waters
Of eternity
Come back to your mother.
And live with me forever
For you must
Return to me
You were born of  the sea
You belong to me.

Even before I existed
I was part of the ancient seas.
That primordial mix of all life.
Salty and teaming
with the origins of all things.

Now countless eons have passed.
I walk outside of its briny boundaries.
My feet still pulled by it's presence
Pulling me to its farthest depths.

As I step into the edges
of its wet sand.
I hear her whisper
in salted sea winds.

Come back to me,
Come back my child
to your mother.
You are mine
and I am yours.

I belong to the sea
She is my blood.
The wavelets
are my heartbeat.
The seagrass my veins.

Nothing ever ends.
come back to us.
the gulls cry from above.
Only new beginnings exist
Only new life.

You belong to me
She pulses
from her mighty depths.
I am your eternal mother.

Breathe your air
Sing in the sunlight of earth.
But return to me.
Remember my son
You belong to the sea