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Mar 2019 · 447
Shadows
Aspen Mar 2019
For years and years I have been the shadow to your light
Always there while you shone like the sun.

I have always tried to shine, but you shone brighter
My soft, weak, delicate voice could not overpower yours

No one saw my light
No one saw all the things I could have gave them
All cause I was your shadow

Your star of talent always out shone mine
And you all know what happens when a star can't shine
It starts to die
It became a shadow to your sun

The spotlight was always on you
And I had to put my talents on the shelf
Cause no saw
no one cared
All they saw was you and your light
...........................................................­.................................................................­

But now it is my turn to shine
It is my turn to be recognized
People will finally see me
and all the things I could have done for them

They will see what they have missed out
But I won't be coming back to them
Cause they should have seen it earlier
They should not have let me down
They should not have made me worthless
They should have given me some chances
It is your turn to become the shadow
It is your turn to sit down
It is my turn to become the sun

I refuse to hide in the shadows
I refuse to put my talents on the shelf
I refuse to be the shadow of the spotlight

I will be heard
I will not be silenced
My once weak voice will ring across the nation
And everyone will remember my name
Mar 2019 · 144
?
Aspen Mar 2019
?
The sun is shining
Why don't I see light?

I am not underwater
Why am I drowning?

I draw with silver
It comes out red

Darkness is my friend
When it used to be my enemy

The world is a colorful place,
But everything is grey

Be happy, be alive
How can I be? Happy? Alive?

When all I see is grey,
when all I see is darkness,
when I only draw with silver
and my arm cries red tears

How can I be happy? How can I be alive?
When all I do is drown,
in my tears at night
Mar 2019 · 88
No one else but him
Aspen Mar 2019
He is just
a friend
But he is a brother to me

-Few months later-

I am falling for him
I am in love with him
His eyes, the light that is in him...a light that no else has
His laugh, the best music in the world...a laugh that no one else has
His smile,
lights up the world better than the sun and stars...a smile that no one else has
His hair, so black...like midnight...dark and mysterious, but so soft and shiny
His hands, so gentle and caring...hands that no one else has
round, short nails, short fingers
His arms, so full of strength, yet can be so tender...arms that I can be in for days...arms that no one else has
His voice, so strong but yet so gentle
Like the sea, lulling you to sleep or igniting the spark of passion in you...a voice like no other
His heart,
so golden and valuable

A heart, like no one else's...

The way he sees the world, like no one else...

The way he makes me feel, like no one else...

He is like no one else...

I want no one else...but him
Mar 2019 · 619
Going, going, gone
Aspen Mar 2019
Going, going, gone.
The time ticking by
the sand in the hourglass falling, the top half nearly empty.
Eight years together, of laughter tears, and every emotion in between.

It has always been the three of us, him, his brother, and me.
I was his little sister, he was my older brother.
One moment, I was excited to see him, the next moment I was with him, and the next moment, all the other moments disintegrated into nothing memory. Pretty soon he, himself is going to be a memory
He is like a fire, flame turning into glowing embers, and glowing embers slowly turning into black ashes. Black, the color of my world without him
One year goes by as fast as lightning, time ticking too fast, moments becoming memories too quickly
He is the glue, that holds the friendship of his brother and me together. Without him, our friendship falls, and his brother and I fall into our different circles of friends, acting as if we were strangers.

Going, going, gone. Even this friendship will be gone once this year leaves. All the jokes, all the laughter, all the challenges of this unbiological brother/ sisterhood, is soon to be gone.

Months turns into weeks, weeks turn into days, and days turn into hours, hours become minutes, minutes become seconds, and seconds become memory.
Time flies, as people say it. But to me, time doesn’t just fly, it has a supersonic jet pack and a hyperspace ability.
I can already feel his absence as if he is already gone. It is almost as if he isn’t there any more
Going going gone
My best friend, my role model, my brother.
Mar 2019 · 353
A cruel, real world
Aspen Mar 2019
BANG!
people dead
lives wasted
minds scarred
families mourning
more friends weeping
How the hell did we come to this?

You are going to hell!
You are not a boy, you are a girl!
It is just a phase!
I will not accept this!
You are not my child anymore!

last deep breath...silence...
One life wasted
all because of
One sentence of an old book
all because of the sharpness of hate and the jaws of ignorance
How the hell did we come to this?

You need to be better than them!
You are not trying hard enough!
You are not pretty enough!
You are not enough!

last tear falls like the first raindrop of a storm...then silence
One life wasted
One dream killed
One hope shot down
with the arrow of standards
How the hell did we come to this?

You are ugly!
You are not worth it!
We do not want you around!
You should just go and **** yourself!
The world is better of without you!

One final leap as the water takes the life
One life wasted
One treasure lost
One novel unfinished
One beautiful line, cut by the sharp knife of hatred
How the hell did we come to this?  

So many lives wasted, so much grief, so much blood/ tears shed, so much sorrow.
How much longer, will we let hate be the chief?
How many more lives, will we cut short?
How many more dreams, will we shoot down?
How many more treasures will we loose?
How many more unfinished novels?
How many more? How much longer? Until we realize
We need love to conquer this cruel, real world
Mar 2019 · 187
No One
Aspen Mar 2019
No one understands
No one cares
No one notices
No one's there
No one sees you
No one's aware

that you are hurting
that you are in pain
No one sends their prayer
As your life turns into a nightmare
As the thing you call hope
slowly disintegrates to air
No one notices...no one is there
No one is concerned, no one cares

You are alone
Mar 2019 · 158
Tired
Aspen Mar 2019
I am tired...
Tired of trying to quiet
the racing thoughts in my head
Tired of putting on that fake smile everyday
Tired of losing each battle everyday, knowing that I won't win this war
Tired of feeling hopeless
Tired of waking up and questioning whether I will make it through the day
Tired of the raindrops falling from my eyes onto my pillow
I'm
so
tired
of
this
life
Mar 2019 · 1.4k
Dear Friend,
Aspen Mar 2019
Our texts went from paragraphs
to sentences
to one worded answers
to one sided conversations...
you only check on me for one to two days, then forgot me...

So tell me, do you really care about me? If you need me to leave, I will leave.
If you think that I am clingy and annoying, tell  me! I can leave...just tell me the truth...please!
Stop pretending, you won’t have to suffer, I want you to be happy...
even if I won’t be part of that happiness
Mar 2019 · 218
Lies
Aspen Mar 2019
The same old lies they tell me
It will get better.
              When?
I will be there for you.
           Then why did you leave?
I will check on you.
            Then where were you for the last week? I never got any messages from you.
I understand.
            Then why aren't you listening to me?Why are you not helping me?
The same old lies.
Over and over.
Different people, same lies.
It is like a ferris wheel, around and around.
Different colors and lights, but it always goes in the same direction.

The same old lies
coming from different colored tongues
The same old lies
that shot my hopes dead
The same...old...lies
that once made me believe that someone is still out there
reaching for me through the darkness
The same...old...lies
that killed that dream
of ever reaching the light
This is what it feels like when you have depression. Suddenly, everyone leaves and you are alone. They abandon you when you need them the most. Why did they have to leave me?
Mar 2019 · 284
Dead or Alive?
Aspen Mar 2019
I go through the empty actions every day...
Am I dead or alive?
I fake every smile and force every laugh...
Am I dead or alive
I feel nothing but hopelessness, sadness, and guilt
Am I dead or alive
I cut my skin to numb the pain
Am I dead or alive
My greatest desire is to cease to exist...
I guess I’m more dead than alive
What depression feels like
Mar 2019 · 138
Home
Aspen Mar 2019
Where is home? Where is the place that I belong?
Where is a place I can go to
When I need someone to rely on?
No one can handle my tameless spirit
No one can handle my burning passion
I am alone...
No one understands why I feel this way
I am alone...

I guess there is no place I can call home
I guess there is no place where I can unleash my tameless lion
Where I can let my fiery Phoenix fly
There is no place where I can truly be me
There is no place where I can truly be free
I guess there is no place where I can truly be at home

— The End —