tell me what you're scared of, baby!
don't call me that
why are you so quiet?
no need to whisper!
i am screaming, you are just not listening
who burnt those marks on you soul, sweetheart?
i am not your sweetheart
why so upset? does it hurt when i put my finger there?
******* for saying that
why would i ever want to hurt you?
because you like to see me suffer
is that what you want, suffering?
of course not
why hurt yourself then?
it wasn't me
then who was it?
don't ask that ******* question
less cussing, more loving!
just tell me what you want
i want you to be happy, honey!
i am as happy as can be
you are lying to yourself!
shut up and let me be
if only i could, baby girl!
but you won't let me go!
i want you to leave, please
with you every second of every ******* day
until you give me answers, angel!

she is not the person you want
she will never be
even less so what you need
or think you need at least
she is chaos
just like you
don't fool yourself though
two negatives don't cancel each other out

your jokes make her laugh, happy as can be
a moment of plain thought passes
they drive her up the roof
you want too much
she can't give it to you
you expact too much
she shys away from you
you tell her to do what she wants
but she doesn't understand the meaning of those words
she feels duty and responsibility
not just to herself

she cries, changes her mind, all smiles
while you talk like there is no tomorrow
you think she is upset
when really there are just a million thoughts behind her eyes racing one another, nowhere to go, nowhere to be, nowhere to hide
she cannot be nice to you
don't you understand?
she cannot be kind to you
don't you get why?
you want it all from her
but she can only give you pieces, small and broken
there is no whole left to give

it was nothing like i had expected
but of course not
it was less
less dramatic, less emotional, less draining
your car came to a halt
you casually leaned out of the window
"jump in"
as if we had just seen each other yesterday
two years came to feel like two days
and i was relieved
relieved to know that you are real
we didn't fight, we didn't cry
we were just us again for three breaths
i have missed you, my friend
it was the perfect end

everytime i think i have finally arrived
found happiness
in the empty, hot desert
found some shade to rest in
midday comes
the sun shining bright and hot from above

no place to hide
nowhere to escape to

i was searching for the moon
the one you've been staring at
but i ain't waiting for the moonlight
because i'd rather see what's on the other side

how many coincidences make a rule?

tomorrow will come

today i need more, so much more
today i want to hold on to you
smell the sweet smokey scent of your hair
as the softness of your lips mixes with the goosebumps on my neck
today i don't want to forget
focus on you, just you
laughing away my past and future
injecting fear with every word

tomorrow will come
the return to my daily hell
of scraping you off my skin