Johnnie Rae

Johnnie Rae Dec 2014

Soul.

It's getting cold out now,
trees are bare,
love is strong,
and my fingers are numb from cold.

My wrist aches from grasping your hand so tightly.

It's simply a curse it seems,
I just can't seem to keep from reaching for you;
I hope you don't mind.
It's not something I can control.

You're just too sweet to let go of.

And if you want the truth,
I ache for you.
I feel your love in my bones,
and it lights up my soul.

Johnnie Rae Dec 2014

Tearstained Letters (Mother)

Tears are blinding as the page is filled,
with words written, full of meaning,
all in pursuit of wishing you well.
Our paths are distraught,
jutting in different directions,
disrupted by poor choices,
and fitting consequences.

No matter how fitting,
nothing has ever hurt more,
to know you'll be gone kills me.
With the exception of possible visits,
It's possible I'll be nearly 17 by the time
of your reentrance into this crazy,
ever-changing life.

A life where my only correspondence now
with the woman called mother,
is through letters tearstained.
I send them anyway,
knowing they'll be written
without the presence of moisture,
in the corners of my eyes.

#sad #tears #crying #mom #rehab

Johnnie Rae Sep 2014

Anxious

I'm drowning in scribbled over notes,
paragraphs of novels assigned,
questions I'm supposed to know the answers to,
conjugations I'm supposed to learn for German 2.

School work, homework, dishes, done.
sleep comes easy to the overworked.
Tired minds make assumptions too quickly,
and this is my main reasoning for never speaking.

In early morning hours,
before sleep finally comes,
I'll question everything under the sun,
and answers just won't come.

It's curse of high school living.
The curse of constantly controlled breathing,
making sure to keep pace with my heart rate,
because if I don't it may spike.

Anxiety is my daily dividend,
making sure to keep me at length from any friends,
making sure to keep me at length from any progress,
making sure to keep me afraid.

Johnnie Rae Sep 2014

Love Makes Me Sappy.

Hazy thoughts and poor vision,
tiredness spending the night,
in the corners of my eyes.

The same thoughts are ever present,
and they're thoughts of regaining access,
to the bliss of being in your arms.

Johnnie Rae Sep 2014

Nicotine Fits.

I keep making these promises to myself.
To myself, because they wouldn't matter as much
promised to anyone else.

I've 5 days being strong,
and now the sense of strength is wearing off.

I'm seriously thinking of giving up.
Regardless of all the reasons I have to be strong.

Johnnie Rae Aug 2014

Why We Broke Up.

Through the haze of the cigarettes smoke,
you seemed like a good part of my life.
But then the flame diminished,
and I realized you were part of the poison,
trapped in my lungs.