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6.7k · Feb 2012
Sunny days & Dreamy nights
Johnnie Rae Feb 2012
Sunny days and dreamy nights
Take me away tonight,
From all the terror,
And tear filled nights,
So maybe, I'll get some
Sleep tonight.
Johnnie Rae Apr 2016
I want to write you a trilogy on the stages
in which our relationship formed.
The first book would be solely based on the day
that I stopped treating your text messages
like active landmines. Stopped tiptoeing.
No longer being afraid of what your affection
would do to me once I submit to it.
It would be based on the first step I took to
stop being so **** afraid. From that very day
you've helped me in ways I'll never be able to fully explain.
Helped me let go of fear and trepidation, and open
my heart to the greatest thing in the world; your love.

The second would revolve around the first time you kissed me.
I don't know if you noticed, but my knees buckled
like seatbelts and I shook like glass window panes in torrential rain.
That day you awoke something inside me that I didn't know existed
but I'm so glad you found it. Like a stray kitten I was lost
and you brought me back home without questioning where I'd been,
and I'll never fully understand why, but I guess it doesn't matter.
You've taught me not to overthink things, to just revel in the moment.

The third would be set in here and now. Every forehead kiss
and stolen glance sums up to another page, every loving gesture
is another chapter. We are creating something people wish they
could create for themselves. A love that belongs in museums
to teach the world what it really means to give yourself to someone,
with no fear, and not a single ounce of regret.  To say that you changed
my life is an understatement. You altered my way of thinking.
Took a broken thing and made it new again. Made me, new again.

And with every word that slips from your lips I am reborn.
3.0k · Jul 2013
Johnnie Rae Jul 2013
about everything that is anything about me.
From my head to my toes,
I find myself disgusting.
about the way I can never seem
to find myself pretty
because I'm not.
to know that
I'll never be as good
as I could be
because I'm not as pretty
as I'd like to be.
to look in the mirror
and see an image of self hatred
staring back at me.
about the way
my thighs are too fat
and my chest
is too flat
and my **** is too big
and I just can't seem to
lose those last five pounds
that are driving me insane.
about the way
I'll skip meals and
then feel sick but won't
say anything
because beauty hurts
and to be sick is to be thin.
about the way
I can't seem to stay
happy, even though I keep
telling myself I should be.
about the way
I can't stop smoking
and I can't stop cutting
all because I like
how it takes the
pain away.
about the way
every time I see a razor blade
I get this rush of anxiety
that I can't shake until
I give into the pain
about they way
I can't seem to kick this
Nicotine addiction so
I can stop shaking.
about the way
every time I climb
higher up the ladder
I fall twice as fast
and even farther down
into places the sun just
doesn't reach.
about the way
people love me
and I just can't seem
to do the same

for myself.
Johnnie Rae Dec 2015
I guess I could have put all this into a text message, but I wanted you to have something written by these weathered hands.
I swear if you make me smile one more time, my face will crack. My cheeks will split like chapped lips in winter air, and it will prove that feelings like this can hurt too, no matter how amazing they are.
You make me feel alive. It's almost as if you walked into my head, and told all the bad things they had to find another place to live. That my subconscious was no longer their place to crash. I hope that makes sense to you. If it doesn't, I apologize, as a writer I have an analogy for everything and sometimes I'm too cryptic for my own good.
The truth is you make me so nervous because every good thing I've ever experienced has ended in agony, and this is so good that I'm afraid in the end it might **** me. There's a gnawing in the pit of my stomach, telling me to run because it's never as good as it seems. But I ignore it, and stay, because I trust you.
I trust you so much it is scary.
The feels, man.
Johnnie Rae Apr 2012
No matter how happy my life may be,
These thoughts of malicious self-harm will always be inside me,
Rattling around in my brain,
Waiting to be acted on,
Waiting to be freed,
This isn't something that can be helped,
Without extensive counseling,
As heavy metal bangs around in my brain,
Everyday I'm a little less sane,
Someone save me,
From this unhealthy mental state,
Of blasphemy,
And scary sharp things,
Someone help me,
Regain a healthy mental state,
Before its too late.
Written 4/20/12
Johnnie Rae Oct 2016
I. Your touch is like bones breaking; unforgettable, and breathtaking.
   I know that normally people don't associate love with broken bones
  but even when you cause me pain, I am still so effortlessly in love.

II. On the day that you made me yours,
     you rekindled a fire in me that I thought
    had long since died.

III. And in those eyes that resemble speckled emeralds,
      I see a future brighter than I could have made for myself.
     The feeling is treacherous, to love someone more than yourself.

IV. The thought of you lingers in my bone marrow,
      and it doesn't leave, not even in sleep,  
      you live within my bloodstream.

V. You ignite a fire inside me,
     hotter than I knew was possible in relative existence,
    and every day I burn for you, slow and consistent.

VI. Sometimes I wish you would strip me down
      and love me like a limited resource,
      like I'm a priceless medal, or gem of iridescent hue.

VII. You're the type of guy that gets me to put my phone down
        and that's an accomplishment in itself.
        you're more interesting than the internet, and that's romanticism.

VIII. Your kiss is like electricity, but instead of electrocution,
         you send shivers down my spine,
        and put the sparkle in my eyes.

IX. They say that home is where the heart is,
      and before I met you, I'd never been home before,
      you are my home.

X. I've run out of words to tell you how much I love you
    so now my next mission is to transcribe a new language,
    to do just that.
2.0k · Sep 2014
Love Makes Me Sappy.
Johnnie Rae Sep 2014
Hazy thoughts and poor vision,
tiredness spending the night,
in the corners of my eyes.

The same thoughts are ever present,
and they're thoughts of regaining access,
to the bliss of being in your arms.
Johnnie Rae Feb 2012
Wicked tricks,
And cold glares,
They complete the look,
Of a too good to be true,

Not a witch,
Riding on a broom,
The witch here,
The witch is you,
They float in the air,
And you spread them,
With out a care,
Witches do exist,
The witch is here  
The witch is you .

Who are you,
Your wicked,
In every sense
of the word,
Your wicked,
The witch does exist,
The witch is here,
The witch is
This is one of the first things I ever wrote, so it is alittle young, bear with me here.
1.9k · Mar 2014
Johnnie Rae Mar 2014
Oh, don't mind me,
I'm just connecting constellations,
tugging at your heartstrings,
whenever I can loosen the vines you've,
wrapped around them for protection,
they've long since been trimmed,
and now your organs are suffocating,
ever since you opened up to,
finally let someone in,
and my bony fingers can't seem to,
work fast enough to,
save you from yourself.
Vines only constrict what you can't let go of.
1.9k · May 2013
Johnnie Rae May 2013
Laying in the grass,
you smelled of cologne and
were warm against the cold night air.
The sky was black, and laced with stars that shone like diamonds.
The music played, and you sung in a voice that made my head spin.
In a moment of perfection, I found myself wishing that the night would never end.
I'm finding it more and more difficult to write.
1.7k · Feb 2013
Johnnie Rae Feb 2013
I remember,
Burying my face in your neck,
As your fingers traced paths down my sides,
And clutched me, in a way that was so wrong,
But oh so right,

I wanted so desperately to be wanted.
So I let you bite my neck,
And leave marks for the memory,
Because you knew I'd wanna remember.

And even after all the trouble it's caused,
I can't lie, I have to say,
More than anything,
I want that feeling again.

I want your teeth to leave impressions on my neck,
And your scent to linger on my clothes,
And the taste of your lips on mine
You are now a craving I won't give up.
It's been almost three weeks.. I want that feeling back.
1.7k · Aug 2012
Heres to the girls; like me.
Johnnie Rae Aug 2012
To the girls who think they're nothing;
no matter what they say, you're worth something,
there are many people out there, who will miss you when you're gone,
this earth is where you belong,
do not convince yourself otherwise,
no matter how bad it seems, its always possible to pull through,
so do not sulk, with a razorblade to your ever so pale wrist,
do not make things worse, by hurting yourself,
this isnt what you really need,

To the girls who put these kind of people down;
Grow the **** up,
respect the people around you, if you have any class,
to be honest, I hope you fall on you're fat ***,
on the way up to success,
no need to be so rude though,
there is one thing I do know,
no matter what you tell them, they'll always be worth more than every single ******* one of you put together,
it doesnt matter, you chose the wrong path, always being the bad girl,
step into the victims shoes,
feel the hurt they felt,
when you put them down,

Here's to the girls who feel like nothing;
Buck up,
swallow you're pride,
accept the things you cannot change, and change the things you can,
theres no shame in putting on a fake smile, and not letting others suffer,
stay away from drugs, they'll only give you more time to think,
when a boy wants to have *** in an alley, make sure you don't lay in glass,
and make sure the ******* doesnt leave you, with a kid in your arms,
no matter what you may believe, you're worth something,
no matter what any one says, I'm always gonna love you,
its not what they say thats important, its important we all know its a lie,
so be strong, and tell everyone you've never felt better,
but if someone asks you whats wrong, don't be afraid to pour your fragile heart out,
to the ones who love you, because they're there to listen, and they want you to feel better,

So here's to the girls,*
who suffer, but with a brave face,

Here's to the girls,
Like **me.
1.6k · Jan 2013
Johnnie Rae Jan 2013
It came in the form of a memory,
Of all the sweet things you've ever said to me,
Keeping me deep within the dream I've been living,

And you know something babydoll?
(Yes, I've decided to call you babydoll, for it satisfies the southern in me)
You're the drug I could never stop taking,
The rule I could never stop breaking,
And the hunger I could never satisfy,
(For I never get enough, you see)

And something else, cutie pie,
That I could never stop telling you,
Is that without you, my heart would stop beating,
It would simply forget to function without your love guiding me,

And something else I can't help but mention,
That you my love, are the sun to my shine,
The words that I make rhyme,
And my only reason left to smile,

Yes you, my dearest darling,
My Prince Charming,
The one who swept me off my feet,
When I was sure I had fallen,
Unable to get up,

For you, my sweethearted lover,
The only one I'd trust talking to my mother,
Without subtle guidance,
You said you wanted a nickname,
So don't take just one,
Take a million, I've got an endless supply to give,
For that is how much you mean to me,

And maybe, just maybe, one day,
When we're old and grey,
Sitting on a park bench feeding birds,
Who carelessly fly away,
Maybe I'll hand you this poem,
And a list of nicknames,

The paper will be yellow and faded,
And crumbled every which way,
And that's how you'll know I've been adding on for decades,
And once in a while I'll ask for it back,
To add on the ones I've thought of as time passed,

And I'll tell you this now, my sweet,
That paper will be filled,
And pages apon pages will be added,
For there are not enough nicknames in the world,
To tell you what you mean to me,
For that, there aren't enough nicknames in the galaxy,

Just like there aren't enough stars in the universe,
To tell you how bright you make my life,
But if you look hard enough,
You may just see it in my eyes,
Past the constant worries of day to day life,

Freddie Mercury once wrote,
"Can anybody find me, somebody to love?"
Well I'll be the one to write,
Hey, I've found somebody, and boy, is he something,
No, scratch that, he's not just something,
He is my everything,
And without him,
I'd be nothing.
1.6k · Feb 2012
Cloudy days & Rainy Nights
Johnnie Rae Feb 2012
Cloudy days and rainy nights,
Filled with terror,
Filled with fright,
Just knowing ,
You could come back.
Makes me shake.
And theres no way ,
To stop you,
No way at all,
Cloudy days,
And rainy nights,
Please don't cause me
Pain tonight
1.5k · Jun 2012
Bye bye bitch.
Johnnie Rae Jun 2012
Pssh, *****, your secrets out,
Nothing left to do but sit and pout,
All you make me wanna do is ******* shout,

Haha *****, you're no longer safe,
So here I sit, watching you pace, wondering what you'll do with your day,
When you're not trying to ruin peoples lives, what will you do with your time?

Thats what I've been wondering about, but that okay, because your secrets out,
And now you'll be shunned by everyone, just like you tried to force on me,
But we knew this would work out for me,
***** this is reality, you can't just go about doing as you please, trying to make a mess out of me,

To be honest, you almost had me, you almost killed me completely,
But I had people on my side, someone found out you're a lying *****,
And now I can be happy with the real friends I have, unlike you, you little ****,
So bye bye *****, have fun making up for all the **** you've done.
Written about a ***** who think she can liee...and not get caught...***** please..ive got my ways
1.4k · Nov 2012
Childhood Dreamworld.
Johnnie Rae Nov 2012
I remember being just a little girl,
and dreaming of rainbows and diamond rings,
and all sorts of pretty things,
living in a world where there was no one who wasn't happy,

Geez, I was way off,

Now I see,
that the world isn't what it seems to be,
and those who are happy, are lucky,
lucky that the world was kind to them,
kind enough to let them live,
in a world that hasn't tried to **** them,
at least once or twice,

My childhood recollection of dreaming of
diamond rings and other pretty things,
seems to be only a figment of the human imagination nowadays,
now its all filth, greed, and gore,
in a world where no one cares about anyone but themselves,
but,  I'm beginning to realize, thats what you have to do to survive,
because with everyone caring for themselves,
theres no one to care for others,
meaning they have to do it themselves to,
not bothering to look out for anyone else along the way,

Childhood wasn't easy for me,
I'll admit that easily,
but I had dreams,

Dreams that were only crushed with time, and reality,
making me realize that the human imagination thinks up crazy things,
including, but not limited to,
a world where everyone is basking in pure happiness and delight,
without even a single drop, of sadness, or strife,
because that, my friends, that is a true dream world,
one where everything is perfect,

But that doesn't exist here,
perfection is a true dream,
I call it a dream,
because its definitely not reality.
ehh.. comments?
1.4k · Apr 2012
Heartless hair-pulling bitch
Johnnie Rae Apr 2012
Battles constantly arise
And while words flew like knives
I never thought you would hurt a fly
Never thought you were that far gone
But today
Today is the day you proved me wrong
You pushed me
So I pushed back
Your hand went to my head
And you never looked back
To see the fear in my eyes
Your swear I'm not your blood
Why would I give a ****
I don't want you to be a part of my life
Your hateful
Your nothing but ****
I wish
I really wish
I would have beaten you
So you could feel as hated as I did
You could feel the pain
I always had to hide
Your hand went to my hair
And from there I knew
It wasnt going to end alright
You pulled hard
I wanted to hit
I wanted to scream
It would have been self defense
But no one would believe me
Who would suspect you to touch me
I don't even believe it
Yup. The ***** decided to pull my hair. Someone **** her?
Johnnie Rae May 2012
Take a look in the mirror,
Is this problem getting any clearer?
You're a shell of a woman,
Completely hollow,

Scars they decorate your arms,
And that bracelet with 3 little charms,
That one your daddy gave you for christmas,
Right before he left us,
He left for the country, wanted to get away from the high life,
Go back to where things were simple,

That bracelet,
Its your only connection to him
And you never take it off,
You say you never will,
And there are parts of me that believe you,

The three little charms,
Ballet slippers, for when you took tap,
Saxophone, for the side of you that loved jazz,
And a heart, to let you know he loved you from the start,
He'll love you until the end, even if you never see him again.

Daddy isn't doing so great,
Lost nearly half his weight,
And as he lay on his death bed,
All he wants to do,
Is see his little girl again,

He takes his last breath, screaming your name,
Now all you want to do is go back in time, and warn him,
Warn him of what is to come, tell him to stay with you until his final day,

And ofcourse, he wouldn't listen,
But atleast you would have been able to try,
Try and save your dads life.
Completely fictional,  I just like the way it flows, Critism is always appreciated.
Johnnie Rae Apr 2012
For all of the truly happy people,
Take a short walk in my shoes,
To hear some of the thoughts,
That run through my mind,
Would break you down,
You for once in your life,
Would experience,
True hurt,
Then maybe you'll understand,
You just might start to understand,
Why I wear these scars,
Maybe you'll finally understand,
Why I feel like nothing,
These scars,
You say I'm crying for attention,
Well *****,
Then why do I try so **** hard,
To hide these ******* scars
These scars,
These are a sign I fight,
Myself and everyone else,
Scars are emotional,
And scars are physical,
But most of all,
These scars are an adornment,
For life.
About the past, and me regreting every moment of it in the future, all while still knowing, its done nothing but make me stronger.
1.4k · Oct 2012
Let The Rain Dance
Johnnie Rae Oct 2012
Let the rain dance,
as leaves fall like scattered emotion,
and send out cries,
cries for someone to create a potion,
to stop this bitter notion from carrying on unnoticed,

Let the rain dance,
across the tounges of the artistic hippies,
looking for a new gentle high,
or so called "stress relief",
to stop the pain from becoming more than a mental bother,

Let the rain dance,
as a form of tranquility,
for those who may need it,
let it dance,
in a pitter patter of self confidence,
laced with hope,

Let it dance,
for who ever may need the happiness they just can't
seem to find in themselves
in spirit of the rain..
Johnnie Rae Jul 2012
Sitting here again,
Im sitting here, daydreaming about us again,
Thinking of how I want you to hold me, and just never let go,
Show me you love me,
Really let me know,

Of all the tender words that would escape your lips,
Thinking of how I love the way you say my name,
Thinking of all the trips we'd take,
To the woods, fingers laced together, holding eachother in the shady haven,
Just knowing that the touch of your lips would make me shiver,
Oh god, I simply can't wait for December,
The icy air, being my excuse for clinging to you,
Although I don't think you'd really care,
Can we fast forward, and be together?
The wait will be worth it, and I know it,
But I still wish time would move a bit faster,
Counting the months until your arrival,
I really can't wait, to see that smile,
In person,

Sitting here, daydreaming about us,
And I think, I really think,
This is the perfect love,
No matter the distance,
No matter the difference,
I love you,

And I'm the luckiest girl in the world, to have you say you love me too.
1.4k · Sep 2012
A Better Tomorrow
Johnnie Rae Sep 2012
Collect your thoughts in the dark,
for it is said the imagery is clearer with the lights off,
Write out your thoughts at midnight,
for it is said that you are blind in the daylight,

Sometimes it is best not to speak,
for the silence tells all,
sometimes its best not to listen,
because you already know whats right,
sit in silence for a moment,
hear the ****** screams of truth in the night,

Self discipline is key,
for you must know how to act on your own,
to do without being told,

Sometimes sleep is the last thing you need,
because you'd rather stay up and think till sunrise,
think about all the reasons you have not to cry,
as you blink back tears,
remember all you have to be strong for,

Just remember, it is never cowardly to want to back down,
because only you know how much you can take,
for not everyone can bend before they break,

Whenever you want to give up,
because you simply feel you cannot go on,
let the stars be your guide,
they'll lead you onto the path you must follow,
and always remember as long as you focus on the moonlight,
There will always be a better tomorrow
I honestly feel I could've done better with this..but ohwell.. Comments?
1.4k · Feb 2013
Black Lilies, and Diamonds.
Johnnie Rae Feb 2013
This situation reminds of two things,
The first thing being, black lilies.
Sad like a funeral.
Making tears run like waterfalls.
And memories hit me like a tidal wave.

The second being,

For that is what you were to me,
You lit up my whole life.
Made me forget about day to day life.
And the worries that came with it.
But, we grew apart.

Or, I did.
I don't really know.

Either way, I want you to know,
That you were the diamonds in my life.
Diamonds, next to a bunch of fools gold.
But no matter what we used to be,
I think it's better, we stay apart.
I dont really know. I think I just had to get this out.
1.4k · Sep 2012
Drag Me By the Heartstrings
Johnnie Rae Sep 2012
Drag me by the heartstrings,
so I can learn to feel again,
so I no longer lay emotionless,
in this self diagnosed depression,

Beaten and broken in so many ways,
it was me who decided I need to change,
no longer will tears fall like acid rain,
because I'm just now remembering, I've got a life to maintain,

So go on, drag me by the heartstrings,
teach me to feel again,
I'm so sick of laying emotionless,
in this grave I dug,

Feels as if nothing is real anymore,
life is just a figment of my perception,
and im falling into the blackness of my imagination,
that can only draw light on the darkest thoughts,
in the **** nation,
I call my abyss of a mind,

Can we forget all the pain?
is it possible to pick up and move on, yet again?
or have I just gone insane,
is this really life?
or just the figment of a broken mind,

Please, I beg, drag me by the heartstrings,
teach me whats real again.
i have not a clue my friends. all i can say is. Enjoy.
1.3k · Mar 2014
Johnnie Rae Mar 2014
You convinced me,
I'm not worth it.
I've always been,
very easily broken,
and now I'm choking
on all the reasons,
he's given me,
to stay alive.

I've never before thought,
of pushing up daisies,
as a profession,
but sometimes I think,
I'd be **** good at it.
I'm choking on all the words,
he's ever said to me,
because their sweet content,
is toxic,
and I'm simply his lab rat,
testing theories on the,
lowest depths of insanity.

The roots of these daisies,
are turning against me.
Wrapping themselves around,
my spinal cord,
tapping into my vertebrae,
telling me to,
stand up straight,
and fake it through the day,
with a smile painted,
on a plaster made face.
I honestly don't know..
1.3k · Jan 2014
Johnnie Rae Jan 2014
The problem is, this place we've created,
its destructive.
We tear down the walls and grind our teeth,
until pebbles of what could have been remain.
this is horrible im sorry
Johnnie Rae Apr 2012
Perfect dreams,
Lovely perspective,
Happy in reality,
This is the girl I used to be,

This is the girl I want to be,

Bad dreams,
Hell for a home,
Risk taking reality,
This is the girl who stands before you,
Accept her as she is,
Or watch her walk away.
Written right this moment. Just thinking of how things change.
1.3k · Nov 2015
London Bridge has Fallen
Johnnie Rae Nov 2015
You were my first, and last love.
I took you for granted
forgot that building blocks only last
as long as their makers do
and we were doomed.
Fragile enough to shatter
under the weight of a single atom,
foolish of me to think you wouldn't
be crushed under the sheer mass
of impending forevers.

Sometimes, we just aren't happy
with what we've got.
Now as I burn,
so do our bridges,
and what we are left with,
merely ashes.
1.2k · Jan 2013
Seaside Prison
Johnnie Rae Jan 2013
Watch as the waves break on the shore,
Letting water drift back out to sea,
And only foam to remain on your seaside prison,
The only thing to keep you company,

The sun fades red,
And then is no longer present,
Replaced by your long time friend,
The moon, that shines bright,
To remind you of the darkness,
And the stars that speak to you,
To remind you of the ever present silence,

You are alone where you stand,
And the sound of the waves crashing in the distance threatens to swallow you whole,
Then your mind goes else where,
And you're not completely sure how you got there,

All noise is gone,
And as the silence settles,
You realize this is worse that before,
The sound of your heart fills your ears,
And you hear your feet move as you pace the floor,
But all feeling is gone,
You are numb, but very aware,

Everything is louder, to the point where it's deafening,
And the taste of salt is thick in the air,
The world is spinning,
Mind racing,
Heart beating out of control,
Goodbye seaside prison,
I've finally lost you,
Farewell my lovely,
I'm sure I won't miss you..

(And the world fades black...)
What happens when I'm really bored in class.. Enjoy.
1.2k · Apr 2013
Bright Eyes
Johnnie Rae Apr 2013
Your eyes. They hypnotize me.
Perfect in a way I can't seem to describe.
Blue, speckled gold with green.
I can stare into them, and stare deep into your soul, it seems.
They tell me you've never felt this way about anything.
Or anyone.
Except me.

Have you ever tried to put together a puzzle,
But lost the last piece?
Well, I guess you could say I'm that last piece.
Finally found after endless searching.
And now, the puzzle is complete.
Every piece fits perfectly.
And it makes a very vivid image of your smile, and bright eyes.

They remind me of an ocean,
With the sun peaking just over the horizon,
Making the water sparkle gold,
And completely beautiful.
They remind me of summer time,
Where grass is green and the sun shines bright.
They remind me of happiness. The happiness you provide me.

A bright eyed boy, that made a stormy eyed girl step out of the shadows,
And remember the good things in life.
She's no longer tempted to bring razor blades to her wrist,
Instead, she'll pick up a paintbrush and paint on a canvas that isn't her skin,
And share with the world, the art that this bright eyed boy inspires.
Example one, being,
This poem, about him.
Wow, I feel like I haven't written in a long time. Forgive me if this is a bit sloppy. I'm just a little out of touch.
1.2k · Feb 2012
I'd give anything
Johnnie Rae Feb 2012
We fell apart,
Lets make a new start,
A new beginning,
No lies, No fights, and no cries,
I'm done with the never ending feud,
It seems thats all there is to it,
One big feud,
I don't care how it started,
I just want it to end,
To go back to the way it used to be,
Although I'll never be perfect,
I can try,
If you can forget all the lies,
I'm willing to do this
For you,
For me,
For us,
What will it take,
To go back to the way it used to be.
I'd give anything.
I'd give anything,
To go back to the way it used to be.
1.2k · Sep 2012
Perfect, to me
Johnnie Rae Sep 2012
"I'm sorry I'm not perfect"*

I'll never forget the day you said that to me,
repeatedly actually,
I read the text over and over,
trying to make sense of the message,

For my darling you are perfect,
to me,
you always will be,
to me,
I don't really care what you think when it comes to this,
because to me,
you are absolute perfection,

In everyway,
I swear it,
because baby,
you're always gonna be perfect,
to me.
For someone, who is way more than special to me.
Johnnie Rae Jan 2013
You are like a soul,
that died, but never moved on,
left to linger in my doorway,
like a past season Christmas wreath,
that just never went away,
only because it knew, I enjoy it's company.
Johnnie Rae Nov 2012
These scars,
hidden behind bracelets,
to keep me ashamed.

But I don't need the scars for that.

All I need to stay ashamed,
is my own two eyes,
and a mirror to look in,

For eyes don't lie like people can.
1.1k · Mar 2012
Johnnie Rae Mar 2012
Here I lay,
Thinking of yesterday,
Thinking of what you lost,
Thinking of what I gained,
Thinking of how you didn't just walk away,
When I told you to go,
Thinking of how I wore my heart on my sleeve,
Just so you could leave,
Leave and let me bleed.
1.1k · Sep 2012
A Huntsman Spider
Johnnie Rae Sep 2012
You are like a huntsman spider, thats the best way to describe you,
my stars, you are still terrifying,
and I'd love to press you into memory,
away, away, away, you need to stay, away,
yet you're beautiful, in the strangest of ways,
your delicate, yet masculant, capable body, on my white sheets,
so instead of killing you, I spare your still short life,
I slip you into a glass jar, and put you out,
and pray you don't come back,
For there is nothing I need from a terrifying creature, such as a huntsman spider,
I have no idea who this is about, but Comments?
1.1k · Aug 2012
Purple Heart~
Johnnie Rae Aug 2012
Somebody ask me whats wrong,
so I can pour out this purple heart,
that has been ever so accustumed to swell up,

Why shouldn't it? I've worn it on my sleeve for too long,

For it is ****** and bruised and has been through too much,
and its worn and torn, and has made me tough,
love has tangled it self up in this mess of my swelling purple heart,
and I couldn't ask for anything more,
for this love is whats keeping me sane at any given moment,
and this love, its so strong I just can't let it go,

This exspression of overflowing emotion has become too much,
people around me don't think I'm so tough,
for they see my purple heart fading, my pulse going out,
its finally all gotten to be too much.
well. I just woke up, and wrote this on the spot. So enjoy, although I believe it needs work,
Johnnie Rae Jan 2013
I had a dream that you could fly,
with clipped wings,

Despite your disadvantage,
you soared effortlessly,

And at heights,
not even the bravest could fathom,

And this my dear,
is why I truly believe,

That you are an angel,
dressed in the devils clothing.
1.1k · Jan 2014
Lying Petals
Johnnie Rae Jan 2014
Handle me haphazardly,
as I scream out all the names,
of which you've slowly forgotten.
We're tightly knit,
in the same orbit,
of which you shatter bone,
and I break skin.

I had never noticed,
the way the dark circles accentuated,
your once dull eyes.  
You had always hid behind bruises,
and ill fitting alibis.

You were always the destructive type.
plucking  petals off of every daisy you found.
reciting silly rhymes to predict
whether that one person loved you back,
or you were just wasting time.
I can't imagine how many times those petals have,

I'm sorry for such destruction
Johnnie Rae Aug 2012
Can anyone hear the whispers of a vacant mind?
I believe it would sound something like, the crash of the tides,
on a hot summer night,
and I let this fill me up like the fullest cup, from which I drink your poisoness blood,
only to fall to the ground, finding there was no real reason, for this deed to be done,
for there is never any reason, for such an unjustified suicide,
but then again, who would ever take time to justify, the unjustifiable,
and to which mind this makes any sense, I do not know,
but from this pen, my words do flow,
and to anyone who reads them, I wish you luck, in unraveling the riddles of my tounge,
and who would have ever known, there was anyone so wise, all while being so young?

And no, this is not me saying I am any wiser than most,
I'm just going on what I've been told,
feel free to argue, like do most,

Now I will take this time, to make a toast,
to anyone who has ever done me wrong, for you are the ones who have made me so strong,
and while you may think I hate you, you are ever so wrong,
and now I take the time to thank you, for all that you've done,
because without all of your hate, I wouldn't be the person I am today,
and while they say sticks and stones only break bones,
I've used the ones thrown at me, to build an inpenetrable wall,
in which I hide behind, plotting my revenge,
for while I said I didn't hate you, that doesn't mean we're friends,

So going back to the question at hand,
can anyone hear the whispers of a vacant mind?
I do believe it may sound like the crash and fall of the tide,
and as the waves crash, just know, you're listening, to the contents of, my ever so, *vacant mind.
I have no idea where this came from, but I like it, and comments are highly appreciated.
1.0k · Feb 2013
She Was Meant To Be Alone
Johnnie Rae Feb 2013
A flower does not simply die.
it is killed, by the very same thing that created it.
Soil. Though now, much less nutrient.

Its honestly quite ironic,
how the things that create you,
are also capable of destroying you,
like nothing.

I mention irony,
in terms of my mother,
whom is now using her bony fingers,
as knitting needles,
to bind my eyelashes together,
as if to blind me from the obvious.

She wasn't meant to be a mother.

No, definitely not a mother.
maybe a toddler,
whom spends her days nursing a bottle,
and then occasionally falling,
flat on her face,
whether its up the street,
or down the stairs,
her face has to leave blood stains somewhere.

She was meant to be alone.

Alone, so she couldn't,
**** the life out of anything that came near,
like she decided she would do to any ***** bottle,
that crossed her path,
dumping me on a road to destruction as she went,
and never came back to save me from myself.

Honestly, I don't know what she could've been.

I just know she gave up everything,
for a bottle and a good time.
shes the flower that sprouted early,
and died in the cold.
1.0k · May 2012
Johnnie Rae May 2012
I'm not a criminal,
So don't be so ******* hypocritical,
I know i'm utterly cynical,
But I'm uttering words that needed to be said,
You've made me out to be some sort of criminal,
When what I did was completely experimental,
And I am not making it into a habit,
That was a one time thing,
It ended, and yet, you're still not happy,
I swear to you, I'm not some sort of conniving little criminal,
Sneaking around and offering illegal substances, no, not at all, not ever,
I've known you for almost seven years, and you know nothing about me,
Maybe you're the criminal, for making me out to be, something I would never become.
So I hope you find it amusing,
That I've twisted you're story,
So you're the criminal,
How does it feel to be made out as a good for nothing little *****,
Well I didn't think it felt too nice to be made into,
What you made me out to be either,
A criminal.
..hmm.. how does it feel to be the criminal for a while.
1.0k · Nov 2013
Every Fiber.
Johnnie Rae Nov 2013
The world turns,'
we breathe, whilst I sit
and wait for you to see right through me.
my wrists are bare.
you're kissing the marks I made
with the blade I held
in the blame I felt,
and the sadness that overtook me like a tidalwave.

Wasted in my own worthlessness,
I didn't think. Simply did.
Shook as my tears fell,
vision blurred,
Lines appeared and I wish they'd go away,

They're not a simple of beauty.
they do not show how strong I am,
but instead they show my weakness,
and my impending doom.
I feel as if I've failed you,
this is a mixed drink,
of regret and pain.

I hate them.

I hate them.

With every fiber, in my broken down being.
Johnnie Rae Jan 2017
I've been gnawing off my nails
faster than I learned to chew as a child..

I don't bleed as heavily as I used to,
thick callus has replaced the skin
that's been opened time and time again

after each lashing of your tongue
I was stronger than before.

I choke on the word victim
like strong alcohol spit it up in the bathroom sink
and set aflame like a molotov cocktail; it feels like war in my chest.  

I picture her as something unknown to most;
something you run from in nightmares.

In the open, she was nothing to fear,
harmless in front of the eyes of another:
behind closed doors she was a titlewave and

I was always facing the wrong direction..
not a surprise, but I was never expecting.
This isn't finished.. but I can't bear to write it anymore today
973 · Dec 2012
I am not my mother
Johnnie Rae Dec 2012
Today, you told me,
That I'm just like my mother.
Well maybe I am,

One difference though,
I'm not her.

So quit telling me I'm just like my creator,
Because that's all she did,
She didn't raise me,
That was all your doing,
So if you don't like how I turned out,
Go figure out what you did wrong.
957 · Sep 2012
I love you, Mommy
Johnnie Rae Sep 2012
Oh mother dear, where do I begin?

I do love you, mommy,
I love you like a venomus snake,
in which I run from,
hoping to find shelter in my own mind,
I run and I run and I run,
only to find myself back again,
because as much as I want to distance myself,
from the mistakes you've made,
I find myself drawn to the idea of change,
but who am I kidding?

In the back of my mind,
I know you'll never change,
I know you'll only get stuck deeper in your current ways,
the way you need the ***** and the ****,
just to cope with the mistakes you've made,
because you've never forgiven yourself, for everything you failed to change,
and you'll never realize,
that drinking yourself into a coma, won't change a ******* thing,
but mommy, I love you, as you love me,
in the only way we will ever know,

We live in a small town,
you live upstairs, and I live below,
where I listen to you stomp about your little home,
you were never light on your feet,
and I can hear almost every move you make,
which is kind of comforting,
for if I can hear you, I know,
you have not yet went on your daily trip,
to that little store you head to every morning, around the same gravely time,
9 oclock the liquor store opens, and down the block you go, for your first dose of poison,
its not very comforting to know,
your slowing killing yourself with deadly liquids,

You my dear, are the reason I hate alcohol,
the reason I swore I'd never become you,
it all leads back to you,
the reason I can't sleep sometimes,
just thinking about the one I call mom,
and the way she started life mistakes early,
thinking about the way you started drinking at just barely fourteen,
maybe it wasnt your fault,
maybe you were lead to the bottle,
by some events around you,
can we possibly blame your mother,
was she cruel, did she not love you?
I will never ask you these things,
but may I say, curiouser and curiouser, I do get as time goes on,
who made you like this? or was it all on your own?

I can't help but believe you'll never get better,
you'll always be a mom by day and a drinker by night,
and sometimes, a drinker full time,
stomping about with your ever so heavy steps,
if i'd never met you, I'd swear you were a hundred pounds heavier,
just from the way you walked,
and sometimes fell, tumbling to the ground,
breaking skin into cuts i'm curious about the day after,
and you just say you fell,
you don't tell the truth,
I'd really rather you just say, okay, fine, it happened when I was *******,
and still drinking,
because as the saying goes,
one is one too many,
one more, is never enough,
which is why you drink until you can keep your eyes open, no more,
and then is the time you finally hit the floor,
to wake up confused the next morning,
only to start all over again,
this be the cycle of the one I call mommy,
mother dearest, I love you,
in the best of ways,
I love you so, that I can only be honest when I say,
you have a problem and you need to change,
but just the same,
I love you, as you love me,
in the only way, we will ever know
My mother will probably never read this, but I know, she'd be proud of me if she did, for honesty means the world to her, even if it hurts her.
956 · Jan 2016
Eat me
Johnnie Rae Jan 2016
Stick a fork in me and tell me I'm done.
Tell me my only purpose now is to be
carved open and served on fine china,
Tell me now is my time.
They plan to eat me alive.
I can already feel them
gnawing on my bones like toothpicks
after the first course,
and washing down their disgust
with my blood, still warm,
like sun tea sitting in the window
on a hot August day,
except maybe a little thicker
in consistency and a little more
bitter in taste.
Old soul, flesh and blood
doesn't stay fresh long, eat me.
Smile and nod at dinner table conversation
as you choke down every headache,
every bad decision I've ever made.
Things like that call for a little extra meat tenderizer, don't they?
Spending hours making me more appealing to the pallet
only to make me look like roadkill.
Sunken in, glazed over highway eyes,
always staring straight ahead,
never to change.
Served on a sliver platter with a puddle of blood under me,
make sure to serve bread to sop up all the mistakes, imperfections, monotony.
950 · Aug 2013
Back Under the Bell Jar
Johnnie Rae Aug 2013
Being home is like
being back under the bell jar
(To quote the great Sylvia Plath)
Back under the bell jar, where the air
is stale and ***** and before long
you begin to suffocate.
You feel trapped as would a firefly,
on one of those warm summer nights
where you run around in the grass
feeling the moisture on your bare feet
as you catch as many of the twinkling lights
as you can before they hide for the night.
Trapped, slowly suffocating because in your nightly
adventure, you are careless and free, and this
causes you to forget to put holes in the jar
where you imprison these wonders for the night.
But only for the night, for your carelessness has caused their demise
while you sleep beside these living night lights,
they begin to die, their lights not shining so bright
anymore, yes they die.
Their death symbolizes your depression as the bell jar
closes you in and you become claustrophobic
gasping for the air you know waits just outside your prison
but it's not really there for you will never escape
this horrible place they've put you in
Yes I've twisted catching fireflies into a murderous action
but believe me,

It always was
Johnnie Rae Oct 2012
I am alone here,
in the insanity that is my mind,
in the storm of thought that beat blindness into my eyes,
for you never really know, what there is to see,

All the sudden,
my voice runs dry,
like a lone wolf in the night, who has forgotten how to cry,
and there is no one here to dry these tears,
but myself,
and I have forgotten how my hands work,
yet I sit here and write,
curious in the making I do say,

How do we know what to believe,
for it seems honesty isn't the lastest fashion,
people would rather persuade you with useless distractions,
cycling you to believe what you hear,
never seeing whats really there..

I do say,
I am alone here,
with only this pen,
some paper,
and newborn tears.

I wrote this last night after I had finally given up on sleep.
only to fall asleep after I was finished.
947 · Aug 2012
The Elegance Of A Sunstorm.
Johnnie Rae Aug 2012
Where exactly they came from,
Nobody knows,

The rain cools the earth,
while the sun attempts,
to heat it up again,
what a complex system,

Well, in anycase,
I just wonder if,
the devil really beats his wife,
everytime this happens,
because thats not very nice,
and if I were the devils wife,

I'd leave,

Because, no love is worth,
being beat on,
by the very person,
whom is supposed to love you,

Yeah, if I was her,

I'd already be gone.
it was raining, and the sun was shining bright, and I remembered the old wisetale, that the devil beats his wife when ever it rains while the sun is shining bright.
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