(Sometimes, It's hard you know, being this **** good looking)

Cute since a baby and on through my teens,
kids on the street asking where had I been
Realising once at school, the girls all now a flutter
Some of them knowing they're just no good, go date that kid with the stutter

For I am talk of the year, the boys wanting some of the action
Not in a way of fancy or love, just for the girls to have a reaction
A riot on his first week called freshers, talk of the town in his uni years,
Sleeping around, knowing who's with who, he knows he'll fit right in here

5 years gone, a first in his topic, so popular no matter what he's done
Time to grow up, whats around the corner when leaving this fun

A model like wife, 3 kids and CEO at Nike,  one of Gods special people
And then it creeps up, a story of such luck, his situation as sticky as treacle

Uni funds all corrupt, a loophole in what he hadn't figured,
Some things you really shouldn't trigger
Was a good idea at the time, his 3 friends didn't mind, one over on the Government, it doesn't get much bigger

But that wasn't to be, 6 months in would be sore, just for a little tax evasion
Up in court, 2 years was the score, this really wasn't part of his equation

Cheekbones chiselled with the looks of a model
The wing leaders gather round, excited in a huddle
He had heard the stories of what could happen being trapped in prison,
But seriously guys,

I'm just too good looking (for this to happen)

JJB

I don't know how to keep disguising the fact,
That when someone asks me how I am,
I don't like to say,
But,
OKAY,
I'm not OK

JJB

I'm ******* at saying goodbyes
I'm ******* at using chopstix to catch fireflies
I'm ******* at emotions when I just sit and sigh
I'm ******* at love when all I do is cry
I'm ******* at my job when I just sit and daydream
I'm ******* as fishing when I want a whopper only ending up with a minnow or a small bream
I'm ******* at film endings when all is not what it seems
I'm ******* at most things,
but that's what makes life wonderful,
topped with a bit of squirty cream!

******* is just normal, trust me.

JJB

I sit and think, is it just me?
I say a sentence which makes perfect sense to be hammered down again
I try to stay positive but my thoughts are never on trend
Sometimes I stray as this life's not all it's cracked up to be
I wander into my unknown, a place where I start to see
My thoughts and my vision see a different kind of light
It's just not one that others like, a mentality they try and fight
As I like another kind of state, where people are kind and free
Not the hang ups and the moanings all barking from the same tree
To hear a song and get its rhyme and rhythm
Let your mind settle, drift away in the clouds while I sit back and listen
Don't start with your patronizing along with those why's, what the hells and woes
Let go of those worries as well as the past, remember when I swept you off of your toes
Then you think back and there were good times that we once had
So why all the complaining now, times move on from the good to ever approaching bad
Maybe it's not you as this is how it's now spelt
It's the everybody disagreeing with you and what's right now, hence,

It's Everybody Else

JJB

I want to have sash windows
I want to have high ceilings
I want a bedroom with chandeliers
I want to have false feelings
I want a car that I can never afford
I want to watch you cut that cord
I want our kids in a school privately taught
I want to see the Queen, Knight you with her sword
I want to show my parents that I want
sometimes gets
I want to prove that you don't have to be
the teachers pet
I want to fly the world in a millionaires private jet
I want all these things scooped up in one big net
I want an easy life even if its legs akimbo
I want to prove its good even if I'm living in sin though
I want to keep my partner happy, if its for some extra giving

                       As this is all I want,

               I want a life (beyond living)

                                     JJB

Do animals think of reincarnation
To come back as an army of ants
Or its just us,
The selfish, we want more
Than this two legged, I rule this world,
Sensation 🤔

Do animals believe in reincarnation
To come back as an army of ant's
And conquer this land as our reclamation

Do dog's wonder who picks up our daily poo
Who walks behind us everyday
And cleans us up all shiny and new

Do birds start to think why we don't ever fly
Just all walking around and driving our cars
Whilst leaving the clouds alone in the sky

I do wonder a lot of things in life as I look up to the sky,
As when I do meet my maker I'll have a list
Number one, please tell me God
As we've always wondered,
Just why, why, why?

JJB

Was he a disciple or just a friend of Jesus
So many to choose from it carries on through the ages
Whether you hail from the sunny realms of Brazil as Juan
Or lead your life on the bus tops of Paris, showboating to the tourists as Jean
you are always just John

Did you see that goal on Sunday in Barnsley from Pedro
crossed in on a sixpence by that guy on loan from Bristol
Parading as the next man to steal the footballing thrown from Beckham
Just a council house kid from the block down in Peckham
again, just John

Kissing the Blarney stone an excuse for his gob
the banter the laughter hiding the rile in his job
that day in Ireland that Sean always dreams of
going back would be heaven, to find the girl he should have once loved
again, just John

The shores of Naples looking out over the sea
Ischia, Procida, Capri, the place he’d rather be
behind lays dormant, Vesuvius once angry
Pompeii, Herculaneum destroyed in its fury
now time to spread his net and look for new shores
only Gino knows it’s time to open new doors
again, just John

No matter where you are from
there is somebody like you just struggling along
troubles brew in every corner of this planet
don’t think it’s just you who really cannot stand it
again, just John

Difficulty is rife no matter where you seem to look
your boss is a grievance and you wish them long gone
but it’s not just you, it’s you and every other John
so I’ll say it again without a look in the mirror
I know your stress my friend because I am that man
yes that is me
I am just John

I ain't no runaway from some American bank job
Nor no fisherman famous for his cod
Caught in his Cornish trawler with just nets and no rod
Rumour was I had I'd slept with over a thousand little birds
All making me breakfast in the morning with a slice of lemon curd
But seriously man, I'm just some gimp who's always been a nerd
From books of Harry Potter to even Where's Wally?
A shop for one in Tesco with a half filled trolley
Quick dash to the car on my own, such rain without my brolly
I'm happy living on my own without all your baggage
Holiday for one, a lighter plane to fill, without your **** luggage
With such weight lost, no cakes or thrills, soup just made of cabbage
Tuning my senses for a day without your pain
Its a hard long slog of which we have to sadly retrain
But a belonging I must one day regain
#JustMe

JJB

Interrogation.  A question. A short story of what you have done.
Or not.
The truth is only known by one.

So you didn't see Francis Cooper on the 6th?
Although you had the date marked on your calendar?
Cancelled.
OK......OK
"Thinking"
Its just that Mrs Cooper's gardener said he saw your car that day.
On the drive.
For over an hour.
You deny this?
"Thinking"
No. No...My wife. My wife borrowed the car that day. Just a mix up
Your wife knew Francis Cooper too?
Yes. She does her nails every Tuesday.
OK.
"Thinking"
The Tuesday was the 5th I believe Mr Sanders.
"Thinking"
Sorry. Yes, she changed dates so, you know, like I say, just a mix up.
OK...... OK.
Slowly walking away,

Oh, just one more question...

JJB

Touring the cities of England and the UK
Back of a transit van, rocking up to anywhere that paid
The brothers Grimm and their trusty cohorts
Bonehead on rhythm, McCarroll on drums, Guigsy up to all sorts

That gig at the Wah Wah, King Tuts to be precise
Glasgow you beauty, **** the next show up in Fife
The man that found them, a mister Alan McGee
A Britpop revolution, all great memories

They came and most failed, that one gig on Top of The Pops
Menswear to Mansun and an array of rank haircuts where the seagulls did flock
We had the trendies in Camden all hanging around on their scooters with parka’s
Noel or Liam and that fella from Echobelly, anything to be famous and get on the telly

But then the times must end and it all turned a little sour
A few trudged on with an album or two, the Manics to Cast and the lyrics from John Power
Patsy and Liam had that cover on the front of Vanity Fair
Draped in Britannia, divorce on the cards, strange how no-one now cares

Good times they were without a worry in the world and a now gone era
Euro 96, Southgate’s miss and those goals from Teddy and Shearer
A time well remembered and days I’d love to see back
If not only for the music but for the not caring and the unforeseen great craic

Not to hate the now as times move on
But a day in the past, served at seventeen and to claim you were the one
Not to be asked I.D. and sneakily drink that Stella
laughing at the bar, king of the blaggers, not to be served again by that same fella

Before the phone and the apps, we used to meet face to face
Girl at the bar, a bit of blarney and a home number to suit, always up for the chase
Do you ring tomorrow and who’s going to answer
Her mum might be alright, but her dad could be a ******!

I couldn’t imagine doing it all again now
Swipe left to say no or right to give it a go
Seems inhuman to me not to spark up a chat
But maybe that’s just me, stuck in past, I’m just old hat.

JJB

Kids don't care what you look like in the morning
Your hairs a state, you're running late, and the toast is taking up a good time yawning
Kids don't care if their dinners mostly ****
The beans are cold, they'll do as they're told
As long as they can play with Monster Truck
Kids don't care if they missed that role as cameo
Just to play in the park, until it gets dark
Straight home for sausage and mashed potato
You see, Kids don't care if playing and just happy
A quick game of tag, whilst mum's chat with a ***
Then off to bed after watching a bit of telly,
Because...
Life is simple in the eyes of a child
It's as we grow older
We complicate the wonder for the monotonous working wild

JJB

Who would have known you was of a different sort
Paying for some fun I normally wouldn't have bought
Ten sheets to the wind it was then I found your toy
Well how was I to know that you was still a boy
Perfectly sculpted cheeks and lips you could die for
When I woke in the morning some parts still pretty **** raw
What was I thinking then out of my mind
I just wanted some way to really unwind
Now looking out at the sea, regrets, cocktail in hand
But, you know, what happens in Thailand, stays in Thailand

(You only live once)

Ladyboy

JJB

Dad always said you're either a MOD or a Rocker
Well after a few years of choosing I decided on the clobber
Pin stripe suit and a nice comfy parka
Not some grease monkey, slicked back hair, who looked like he'd not seen a bath yet
I preferred the music, the beat, the soul
They liked grit, the grind and the ***** rock and roll
And then came the final choice in which world you did bounce
Vespa, Lambretta or a Triumph in a way to announce
So did I look the hard nut sat on my BSA?
I'd rather look like Mr Cool, thinking I'm Ace Face today
Trip's down to Brighton for a fight on the beach
Before having our breakfast at an all you can eat
Those were the days where you could really have a laugh
Then a trip back home, best have my tea and an early bath
Stick on an album by The Faces or The Who
And up early for work, into town via Clapham then Waterloo
When nothing too much mattered and the world seemed easy
RAF target on my back, nice shiny shoes, that's how you'll see me.

JJB

Dad always said you're either a MOD or a Rocker
Well after a few years of choosing I decided on the clobber
Pin stripe suit and a nice comfy parka
Not some grease monkey, slicked back hair, who looked like he'd not seen a bath yet
I preferred the music, the beat, the soul
They liked grit, the grind and the ***** rock and roll
And then came the final choice in which world you did bounce
Vespa, Lambretta or a Triumph to ride, unannounced
So did I look the hard nut sat on my BSA
Or do I look like Mr Cool, thinking I'm Mr Ace Face today
Trip's down to Brighton for a fight on the beach
Before having our breakfast at an all you can eat
Those were the days where you could really have a laugh
Then a trip back home, best have my tea and an early bath
Stick on an album by The Faces or The Who
Then up early for work, into town, first Clapham via Waterloo
When nothing too much mattered and the world just seemed easy
Now the odd word out of place sends the offended quite queasy

JJB

It's just you,
the known world has vanished,
abandoned cars with no one to drive,
you thought this day come you would ****** and survive,
but you didn't think it through

I don't even know how to make fresh bread,
swallowing hard all those words you once said,
does petrol not just come from the pumps,
and where will I drive now this world is in slump,
I really didn't think this through

The films all said there would be a beauty on the horizon,
to live my life and carry on surviving,
but these streets are empty and I'm feeling the cold,
for this is a story never to me told,
I need to think this badly through

What foods will carry on forever,
and what to eat now as the date says now or never,
am I really alone in the world and how long can I last,
as this really should be written down, portrayed,
by those in the futures passed

Last Days

JJB

Costa and Starbucks are closing down our pubs
Now rubbing shoulders with those I hate, from the ones I used to love
No dartboard or billiards all playing our simple game
Now who has the latest Ipod or laptop, as they've just rushed from the train
A shout of Roger, Rihanna, down to this coffees going cold!
To paying over six pound a drink and not a care once sold
Company credit card all the way, no thought to the petty cash kitty
Looking up, the old pub tiles still grace the brick built wall, oh such a forgotten pity.

Last orders!

JJB

This is neither poem nor query
Just a thought on that last final theory

What does rhyme with that word we know as death?
As the world finally stops turning and man sighs his final last breath

Our brains won't let us dig that far as it scares us to our wits
Go on, give it a go, you'll just come back in bits

It's the finality that our God's will never let us try to think
For we never know of that final second that just leaves us on the brink

Life is so sacred it cannot be loaded like a Commodore 64 tape
Its to be lived once, fully loaded, not in bouts and in breaks

So what is your last question before you step through those holy gates?
After this life are there any more, as I'd like a few more goes at those awkward first dates!

Game face that's been all for show
Twisted arms when the wind still blows
Lost leaves on this dying breeze
No noise
No snivels
Not even a sneeze
Lonely stood in a desert field
Waters gone nothing left to yield
God's will to breed a human race
A silent tear rolls down his face
So what's next in his tricks and branding
To outdo,
his,
Last tree standing.

JJB

Snap!
And there it all went
Life
In the crack of a bone
But I hadn't kissed the girl of my dreams
I hadn't scored that goal for my football team
Left or Right I never knew which way to lean
This cannot be that, it has to be more than it seems

Nope

So that's it. All gone. It's over?

Yep

But I had so much more to give!

Do it while you can then kid, cos you ain't coming back

****

JJB

Mr Bartholomew - it's unlikely you will ever walk again 

Hard-hitting
Forever sitting
A life too young for me to be fitting
Twenty-seven and I just swerved heaven
Who knows if it's a place I'd get in
We've all done naughty things
But not too much to dance nor sing  
From six foot five to me now hardly seeing
Now to contemplate me forever being
Self-evacuation, front and rear
Uncontrollable accidents, my biggest fear
The loss of real friends and those who can trend
An easy decision to make to those who wouldn't watch me mend
But life goes, Jeez does life roll on
My amazing wife and daughter who I adore
Who gave me fresh life and opened closing doors
But I won't go all soppy and repeat as a bore
For life is an adventure not a governed guided tour.

Life Goes On

JJB

Sometimes they think they are it
the man of the house, demanding when sat, a real big hit
relishing the chain of command over those who wait on hand and foot
for they start off small, expecting so much more,
as they have written the book

But let’s not forget who is the real master here
they are just a cub, cute yet endearing,
but you’d rather be down the pub supping a beer
scratching the sofa with eyes so large they are easily forgiven
killing flies and onto mice, it is how they are driven

As the kitten is a creature yet to grow into its fold
playing like a baby does until its days of old
they’ll fight and cry like kids, you’ll hear them on the street
they won’t give up, soft yet tough,
never knowing when they’re beat

A dog is fun and obeys command, yet these things rarely do
you’ll call all night, their name out loud, but never return on que
yet eat you out of house and home,
Felix down to the last lick of the butter tub
as they are animal of selfish wit,
a beast when grown but will always be my,

Little Lion Cub

JJB

I look, we all do, how much are you worth?
No really, how much?
That car, finance?
That house, inherited?
That holiday, a friends villa?
That flight, Ryanair?
I'll carry on judging until I am corrected
And it is what it is as I rightly suspected
Your as rich as me, it's just a smoke screen and a false front
No wonder they say what they say as you really are a ####
I'm happy with what I've got and not living like the encore
As I can get on with this life and live with being poor

JJB

Records played, records sold, hard copy, not download
But the more I rattle on and raise my brow, I now sound really old
The pennies drop at the play of a song, mainly through Capitol Gold
Some still tour, Davies, Stewart and John
But no Rocketman could lift these boots, those days are long gone
Royalties from film now keep the bills ticking over
The price of fuel and heating costs, still driving my 2012 Range Rover
The odd bit of cash is always nice, if guest on Lorraine or The One Show
But I'm happy watching those days of the past,
as I have taken my last and final bow.

JJB

It's a funny idea, of course this I know
A life of moving symmetry, around me they all do flow
None come up near me as it's a puzzle to you all
You wouldnt understand my strange brain, the deeper you would fall
I watch you peer as you drive, does he live on there alone
My small garden, one pear tree, guarded by my green gnome
I still pay tax, all common bills, and work not like some hermit
It's the way I live my life, just because others do not see fit
The drive as small as a room, just space for 2 small bins
But drive in forwards, never reverse, for this would be a sin
I sometimes regret what I've done, but hey, you're only here once
No friends visit here anymore, maybe I acted the dunce
For a life of peace, quiet, no neighbours, it really takes some beating
But if the boiler breaks, no plumbers come, I'll live without the heating

JJB

Drinking straight from the vine
No supermarket could source such fresh, delicious, wine
The sun has a haze that could never be indulgent
As life has no more mystery, my release just problem solvent
The trees now making shade,
In a garden just heaven made
Two classic convertibles sat waiting in the barn
A drive up the coast when the sun hits high, and tell tales of my jealous yarns
I sometimes think back to when I lived under Queen and country
But miss nothing of what it became,
God bless the King and dear old Blighty...

Cheers 🍷

JJB

The last lockdown stuck in house
Running out of conversation with your once loved spouse
Ideas are blank now due to the monotony
Its starting to feel like a nationwide lobotomy
This is how it must feel to be a Government led zombie

#killmenow

JJB

3 months off and what did you do -

Learn Spanish?
Tile the bathroom?
Write that great novel you always said?
Rekindle lost love over the net?
Learn how to bake like the rest of the gang?
Its what we all do, it seems everyone can!

No

No I didn't

I watched box sets on Netflix and just got fat

Proper fat

JJB

It doesn't take much, for me to be late in the morning
A bad nights sleep, another day at work, it can be oh so boring
20 minutes, does it really matter, in the grand scheme of things
Jump in the car, radio on,
Same DJ with the X-Factor wannabes wearing their bling
Its a short trip but can still be delayed once more
Further down the road by a woman who makes my head sore....

Hitting the roundabout 2 miles from anywhere
The traffic backs up to give us all a timely scare
What on Earth could delay us on this trip to a place of ethical sanction
As without work our lives would halt without function
Bills to pay and food to buy, we need the income from some money tree
What is holding me up as already late,
Maybe set my alarm earlier but hey, what will be will be
The slow jaunt on the bumper to bumper ride
Its only 10 minutes more but time is not on my side.....

And there she is,
My delay
Luminous in stature holding the road like shes some traffic God
Chatting away to the ladies as if she's PC Plod
Holding that lollipop on her black and yellow stick
She's really starting to get on my wick
Some of us have places to be old lady like she even cares
Kids crossing the road, go play Chicken, like they'd even dare
Really, all in all, she is doing a good job
And there's me rushing and acting like a bit of a......wally!
As if I did knock a child over I'd forever be sorry
Even when it rains she puts up her brolly
Stop the parent and kids from always getting wet
I suppose in the end she is the safer bet
Maybe I will always be late but nothing I can't sort with a brew,
Instead of getting,

Lollipop Lady Blues

JJB

Quiet, an observer, not part of the scene
Flowing in the background like a river serene
Supping the irish stout, sometimes with a dash of black
I never meant to offend, a car crash now I lose my head, not the me of old, very out of trend
The loss of control to parts now out of reach
Learning as a kid, the facts of life, now an impossible body to teach
I can't stop it, this loss of infuriate rage
It's not the man I am, now living life on a completely different stage
If God had a wand I wish he would wave it calmly, cooly, and fix my frustrated ways
For this is not me, that once quiet man,
I don't enjoy this life any more, I wish it just a faze
And for it to just stop, as sometimes I think
I am,

Losing the plot

JJB

Lost in a maze of my own making
Do I tell the truth or just carry on faking
What path do I choose to take and what is best to follow
A quick fix for now or strive for a better tomorrow

Guidance is a road with many directions
Take the shortcut now and carry on with no expectations
Get your head down as a kid and do great at school
As no-one will employ a grade less, hopeful, fool

Jobs on a lamppost advertising three hundred a day
Best get on my knees and believe in God, a riddle only to be solved with a miracle and to prey
The quick fix is a decision taken by many from a poster by the side of the road
So where is this money that is offered, as curious as Bigfoot about to solve the enigma code

Its a cycle of fast-wash stuck on spin, the colours of plenty all just blending in
All looking for that better tomorrow, the easy route perhaps, no thoughts of progression on its whim
Just give it to me now, I want the quick fix with no sign of self worth
What has he produced to live here now, this desperate being now roaming Gods Earth

Lost

JJB

When i wake up, I don't know where I'm at
Alone, confused, gargled and rinsed, then swished and openly spat
No job, no life, my head a complete mess
Is life trying to test me, and conquer my personal stress
As I look at those mistakes I made,
and wish I could just press pause
For I am a useless being,
Living a life as a lost cause

#helpmeplease

JJB

Directions are great when there is one to follow
No map
No book
No clue
Its down to you

It all starts from day one
You watch
You listen
You learn
Everyday a lesson in which way to turn

Given the odd snippet of how it is done
Been there
Been everywhere
Been the real me
Down to you now so lets see

The guidebook is written as we go along
To be that man
To be those who can
To see over the upcoming hill and be the boss

For we will always be this in life,

Lost

JJB

Love is the stupidest of things
Like crossing the road and beating the sound
Thinking its loose change but turns out to be pounds
Love is the daftest of things
When you sycronise in union on a song you both sing
To sharing sweets from the bag and pretending with a Haribo ring
Love is also a surprise at times
From trying a new curry after saying you would never change
Now its Katsu all the way as the taste is lovingly strange
Love is also a monopoly and can be sometimes testing
From that one lost sole you met one night on the bus
Now divorce papers all the way and wondering about the fuss
But love is what love is, be it starting with a but(t)
Measuring against the last and to see if your friends smile or tut
From going through the rounds to who makes the final cut
Love is what love is and not just some passing faze
Lets just hope you make the cut as we all have our funny ways

Love Is (Part II)

JJB

It's been to long
it's been and gone
this love that we once had

A loveless hug
An emotionless drug
That now makes me so sad  

It starts off huge
This heartbeat move
Now faded in the past

Life twists and turns
The heart it yearns
For new hope in the sun now rising

Move on move out
This time is now
New love on the near horizon.

J.J.Bartholomew