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John Bartholomew Aug 2020
Sat still, no motion
People passing by, not even a notion
A fly lands, not once but now twice
I want to move it, but maybe it was its choice
Your everyday pigeon, just given up the ghost
I wonder what it thought, this is me at my most
I'd rather sit here and let be what may be
Than dying on the top of the branch, and land from the nearest tree

#whatdopigeonsthinkbeforedeath
John Bartholomew May 2020
Removed
But not fully soothed
A waiting game of 5 to 10 years
Please be gone, save me my tears
Doctors do their job but not yet the cure
Sometimes it's in the hands of others
Relying on the faith of their Lord
Spreading like a ***** little rumour
Reappearing its filthy diseased head
Sorry, you have a tumour
So let's not let this thing bring us all down
You can beat it, I know you, never one to frown
Always the first to laugh with some daft banter
Let's kick this thing out of the park, this ******* known as cancer

JJB
Sitting, waiting, hoping
With my head in my hands
These little things in life
That no one understands
Your son
Your daughter
Your dog or your cat
The love you just lost
Looking at where they once sat
That empty space where no hole can ever fill
Recalling memories for a quick fix,
But no soul, could ever fit the bill

I still miss you

JJB
John Bartholomew Dec 2022
You already had me broke
With not a word had you ever spoke
That flash of cherry, not quite blond, had my heart in a bond
And a grin to just tick my box
So cunning
So sweet
So beautiful,
My adorable,
My daughter,
My Little Fox

JJB
John Bartholomew Jul 2018
Sometimes they think they are it
the man of the house, demanding when sat, a real big hit
relishing the chain of command over those who wait on hand and foot
for they start off small, expecting so much more,
as they have written the book

But let’s not forget who is the real master here
they are just a cub, cute yet endearing,
but you’d rather be down the pub supping a beer
scratching the sofa with eyes so large they are easily forgiven
killing flies and onto mice, it is how they are driven

As the kitten is a creature yet to grow into its fold
playing like a baby does until its days of old
they’ll fight and cry like kids, you’ll hear them on the street
they won’t give up, soft yet tough,
never knowing when they’re beat

A dog is fun and obeys command, yet these things rarely do
you’ll call all night, their name out loud, but never return on que
yet eat you out of house and home,
Felix down to the last lick of the butter tub
as they are animal of selfish wit,
a beast when grown but will always be my,

Little Lion Cub

JJB
“Cats are connoisseurs of comfort." ― James Herriot

"If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much." ― Mark Twain

"A cat has absolute emotional honesty: human beings, for one reason or another, may hide their feelings, but a cat does not. "― Ernest Hemingway

"Never try to outstubborn a cat."― Robert A. Heinlein
She has her mothers genes
No problem shall block her way
Nothing will stop her achieve
Any task she may see
That focus that she always believes
When you say no
Her answer is yes
A cheeky answer back
Something we may need to address
But her determination is second to none
Puts on that serious face
And then up for fun
Decisions vary as they sit on her fence
Traits to outgrow
But she will always be our,
Little Miss Independence

JJB
John Bartholomew Apr 2020
The things in life we just take for granted,
From medication, the care that is taken,
To a handshake in passing, to those now that are starving
Every carer and nurse, working their fingers to the bone
When all we must do is sit and wait, within the comfort of our nice homes
Get your shopping dropped off by the delivery man whilst waiting
And put your feet up, relax, stop moaning and creating
Stay safe, wait inside, as we are in the hands of the worlds ****** best,
Yes, that's right, they've got our backs,
God bless our NHS

Little Things

JJB
John Bartholomew Sep 2019
I look, we all do, how much are you worth?
No really, how much?
That car, finance?
That house, inherited?
That holiday, a friends villa?
That flight, Ryanair?
I'll carry on judging until I am corrected
And it is what it is as I rightly suspected
Your as rich as me, it's just a smoke screen and a false front
No wonder they say what they say as you really are a ####
I'm happy with what I've got and not living like the encore
As I can get on with this life and live with being poor

JJB
John Bartholomew Jul 2024
Records played, records sold, hard copy, not download
But the more I rattle on and raise my brow, I now sound really old
The pennies drop at the play of a song, mainly through Capitol Gold
Some still tour, Davies, Stewart and John
But no Rocketman could lift these boots, those days are long gone
Royalties from film now keep the bills ticking over
The price of fuel and heating costs, still driving my 2012 Range Rover
The odd bit of cash is always nice, if guest on Lorraine or The One Show
But I'm happy watching those days of the past,
as I have taken my last and final bow.

JJB
#rocknrollneverdies
John Bartholomew Aug 2019
It's a funny idea, of course this I know
A life of moving symmetry, around me they all do flow
None come up near me as it's a puzzle to you all
You wouldnt understand my strange brain, the deeper you would fall
I watch you peer as you drive, does he live on there alone
My small garden, one pear tree, guarded by my green gnome
I still pay tax, all common bills, and work not like some hermit
It's the way I live my life, just because others do not see fit
The drive as small as a room, just space for 2 small bins
But drive in forwards, never reverse, for this would be a sin
I sometimes regret what I've done, but hey, you're only here once
No friends visit here anymore, maybe I acted the dunce
For a life of peace, quiet, no neighbours, it really takes some beating
But if the boiler breaks, no plumbers come, I'll live without the heating

JJB
John Bartholomew May 2024
Drinking straight from the vine
No supermarket could source such fresh, delicious, wine
The sun has a haze that could never be indulgent
As life has no more mystery, my release just problem solvent
The trees now making shade,
In a garden just heaven made
Two classic convertibles sat waiting in the barn
A drive up the coast when the sun hits high, and tell tales of my jealous yarns
I sometimes think back to when I lived under Queen and country
But miss nothing of what it became,
God bless the King and dear old Blighty...

Cheers 🍷

JJB
John Bartholomew Feb 2021
The last lockdown stuck in house
Running out of conversation with your once loved spouse
Ideas are blank now due to the monotony
Its starting to feel like a nationwide lobotomy
This is how it must feel to be a Government led zombie

#killmenow

JJB
John Bartholomew Jun 2020
3 months off and what did you do -

Learn Spanish?
Tile the bathroom?
Write that great novel you always said?
Rekindle lost love over the net?
Learn how to bake like the rest of the gang?
Its what we all do, it seems everyone can!

No

No I didn't

I watched box sets on Netflix and just got fat

Proper fat

JJB
John Bartholomew Apr 2020
I do,
The vows that you made,
And how that love fades,
On lockdown from this virus,
We never thought it would divide us,
Just how much more can this last,
Never knowing it would spread this fast,
Been through the bad now into the rough,
But we'll carry on together with this lockdown love

JJB
John Bartholomew Jan 2019
It doesn't take much, for me to be late in the morning
A bad nights sleep, another day at work, it can be oh so boring
20 minutes, does it really matter, in the grand scheme of things
Jump in the car, radio on,
Same DJ with the X-Factor wannabes wearing their bling
Its a short trip but can still be delayed once more
Further down the road by a woman who makes my head sore....

Hitting the roundabout 2 miles from anywhere
The traffic backs up to give us all a timely scare
What on Earth could delay us on this trip to a place of ethical sanction
As without work our lives would halt without function
Bills to pay and food to buy, we need the income from some money tree
What is holding me up as already late,
Maybe set my alarm earlier but hey, what will be will be
The slow jaunt on the bumper to bumper ride
Its only 10 minutes more but time is not on my side.....

And there she is,
My delay
Luminous in stature holding the road like shes some traffic God
Chatting away to the ladies as if she's PC Plod
Holding that lollipop on her black and yellow stick
She's really starting to get on my wick
Some of us have places to be old lady like she even cares
Kids crossing the road, go play Chicken, like they'd even dare
Really, all in all, she is doing a good job
And there's me rushing and acting like a bit of a......wally!
As if I did knock a child over I'd forever be sorry
Even when it rains she puts up her brolly
Stop the parent and kids from always getting wet
I suppose in the end she is the safer bet
Maybe I will always be late but nothing I can't sort with a brew,
Instead of getting,

Lollipop Lady Blues

JJB
That's the story of my life; I always get the fuzzy end of the lollipop - Marilyn Monroe

I don't like lollipops - Eoin Colfer
John Bartholomew Sep 2018
Quiet, an observer, not part of the scene
Flowing in the background like a river serene
Supping the irish stout, sometimes with a dash of black
I never meant to offend, a car crash now I lose my head, not the me of old, very out of trend
The loss of control to parts now out of reach
Learning as a kid, the facts of life, now an impossible body to teach
I can't stop it, this loss of infuriate rage
It's not the man I am, now living life on a completely different stage
If God had a wand I wish he would wave it calmly, cooly, and fix my frustrated ways
For this is not me, that once quiet man,
I don't enjoy this life any more, I wish it just a faze
And for it to just stop, as sometimes I think
I am,

Losing the plot

JJB
Our words have faded
No looks
No love
Unknowingly jaded
What did I do
Something I said
Something in bed
We cannot roll back the years
So please talk
Show me which way to walk
Before this all ends up in tears

JJB
John Bartholomew May 2018
Lost in a maze of my own making
Do I tell the truth or just carry on faking
What path do I choose to take and what is best to follow
A quick fix for now or strive for a better tomorrow

Guidance is a road with many directions
Take the shortcut now and carry on with no expectations
Get your head down as a kid and do great at school
As no-one will employ a grade less, hopeful, fool

Jobs on a lamppost advertising three hundred a day
Best get on my knees and believe in God, a riddle only to be solved with a miracle and to prey
The quick fix is a decision taken by many from a poster by the side of the road
So where is this money that is offered, as curious as Bigfoot about to solve the enigma code

Its a cycle of fast-wash stuck on spin, the colours of plenty all just blending in
All looking for that better tomorrow, the easy route perhaps, no thoughts of progression on its whim
Just give it to me now, I want the quick fix with no sign of self worth
What has he produced to live here now, this desperate being now roaming Gods Earth

Lost

JJB
The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage - Mark Russell

Obsessed by a fairy tale, we spend our lives searching for a magic door and a lost kingdom of peace -  Eugene O'Neill
John Bartholomew Aug 2024
When i wake up, I don't know where I'm at
Alone, confused, gargled and rinsed, then swished and openly spat
No job, no life, my head a complete mess
Is life trying to test me, and conquer my personal stress
As I look at those mistakes I made,
and wish I could just press pause
For I am a useless being,
Living a life as a lost cause

#helpmeplease

JJB
John Bartholomew Aug 2018
Directions are great when there is one to follow
No map
No book
No clue
Its down to you

It all starts from day one
You watch
You listen
You learn
Everyday a lesson in which way to turn

Given the odd snippet of how it is done
Been there
Been everywhere
Been the real me
Down to you now so lets see

The guidebook is written as we go along
To be that man
To be those who can
To see over the upcoming hill and be the boss

For we will always be this in life,

Lost

JJB
“Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves" - Henry David Thoreau

“When you're feeling lost, take heart. It's just your brain gathering the information it needs to make good decisions." - Josh Kaufman

"The soul which has no fixed purpose in life is lost; to be everywhere, is to be nowhere" - Michel de Montaigne

"We have lost contact with reality, the simplicity of life" - Paulo Coelho
John Bartholomew Feb 2021
She up and left
without a breath
Was it something I said?
That morning kiss
Such small things I miss
As I lay alone in our double bed
Your annoying 7am alarm call
To that lingerie that made me just drawl
I still can't believe you are gone
But I must move on from your memory
Such new adventures still scare me
As I am,

Lost without love.

JJB
John Bartholomew Jul 2024
Her eyes, iris blue
Instant love, how could this be true
Shining like a light, swimming in throws
Let love shine blossom, as rapid karma grows
My former misdemeanors now a thing of the past
As we lay here under moonshine, on this damp luscious grass
Memories of cruelty now all just forgotten
The me of old is history, a man to the core just rotton
Because I have changed and this is all down to you
As love at first sight is a thing of tales,
but really,
can be true.

❤️

JJB
#iloveyou
That sympathy smile
If you asked, they'd run a mile
Although some do like our niche
A certain obscure taste to brag
Whilst eating their celery quiche
We sometimes fit a perverts kick
Another box for them to tick
Sorry you're ill, but we like them sick
That hospital smell, exquisite, and not in good nick
Are we last in line as easier to reach
That smell of disinfectant mixed with toilet bleach
But love does come in strange shapes and sizes
Some wear a mask, for gain in disguises
Others see it through, a rock in your crisis
No matter the option,
No matter what procedure,
if going under the knife
To always hold your hand
The person you love,
will be there for life

JJB
John Bartholomew May 2023
Love is the stupidest of things
Like crossing the road and beating the sound
Thinking its loose change but turns out to be pounds
Love is the daftest of things
When you sycronise in union on a song you both sing
To sharing sweets from the bag and pretending with a Haribo ring
Love is also a surprise at times
From trying a new curry after saying you would never change
Now its Katsu all the way as the taste is lovingly strange
Love is also a monopoly and can be sometimes testing
From that one lost sole you met one night on the bus
Now divorce papers all the way and wondering about the fuss
But love is what love is, be it starting with a but(t)
Measuring against the last and to see if your friends smile or tut
From going through the rounds to who makes the final cut
Love is what love is and not just some passing faze
Lets just hope you make the cut as we all have our funny ways

Love Is (Part II)

JJB
John Bartholomew Jan 2017
It's been to long
it's been and gone
this love that we once had

A loveless hug
An emotionless drug
That now makes me so sad  

It starts off huge
This heartbeat move
Now faded in the past

Life twists and turns
The heart it yearns
For new hope in the sun now rising

Move on move out
This time is now
New love on the near horizon.

J.J.Bartholomew
John Bartholomew Mar 2020
Things fade,
be it,
colours,
in words,
or in love

What magic we once had,
what now seems a fad,
surprises,
a nightly text,
all gone in a time now lost

I know you still care,
but we just lost our flare,
coaxed,
into a slumber,
I should delete your number,
And start a new somewhere else

Loves Lost

JJB
John Bartholomew Oct 2022
Coldish
Tepid
Slightly warmer than the fridge
Drinking from the garden tap back when we were kids
Can't have been much fun to have gained this world renowned name
For running my hand underneath the tap and pronouncing it all same
Don't touch my flannel and then onto face
Think you'd better call a plumber out if this is always the case
For its not quite hot
And it's not exactly cold
It's that kid who never done what he was told
Unenthusiastic
Indifferent
Slightly heated,
Just the way he was born
Warm
Luke Warm

JJB
John Bartholomew Dec 2022
Awake with no memory of where nor how
Ah, home sweet home
That cab driver, please take a bow
They come in patches of time
Of where
Of when
Of go on then, just pass me down the wine
Sporadic I think is the word to use
Of who I spoke too
Of who I copped off with
Of who I abused
And now I look down to a mess of lettuce and kebab
At the time, the best I'd ever had
Stained on the bedsheets, mum'll whip out the Daz
And now to celebrate the night with a touch of self pleasure
Locked door leisure
Release from the tethers
Just roll me in feathers
As I grab that reliant sock to wipe up the measures

Madame Palm (and her 5 lovely daughters)

JJB
#sorry
#notsorry
#yeahsorry
John Bartholomew Sep 2018
They circle, surveying the scene, spying that morsel to the very last bean
If it glitters it's worth a nab, anything new that shines and still has it's tab
One for sorrow, two for joy, a new batch of friends who will end up annoyed
Those crafty yet deceiving fingers, if its not nailed down then it may well linger
A white vest with a black jacket surround
Any profit to be made and then homeward bound
For these creatures have no crux or moral dilemmas
They will rob you blind, laugh at your woes and squark with joy in a rude grammar
As these are the Devil's beings, you are blind if you are not seeing,
Them using you in every way, those lucky rhymes an old distraction to what you should be fleeing
For they are small, a minor aberration, we rarely take no notice
Forget the song to the number you have seen and what could have been when,
You look into those deep black beady eyes as they have an ulterior motive,  

Magpie

JJB
I have a magpie mind. I like anything that glitters - Roy Thomson

Like a magpie, I am a scavenger of shiny things: fairy tales, dead languages, weird folk beliefs, fascinating religions, and more - Laini Taylor

My head was a magpie's nest lined with such bright scraps of information - Alice Munro

I'm like a magpie. I use lots of different things to build a character - Andrew Lincoln
John Bartholomew Dec 2020
Our chats are very one sided
My views and hers are one side blinded
She stares at the passing men in somewhat dismay
They wouldn't choose their wifes dress from me, yep, probably gay
I dress her like she'd ravish the town
Some older ladies look away with what could be called a frown
Now wearing from the 60's in a what was known as a microskirt
Back in the day it made attention and got the guys to all flirt
But now I've moved onto the secondhand clobber in a shop they call Oxfam
Where most of the clothes do stink a bit and are mainly bought by your nan

JJB
John Bartholomew Nov 2024
Just when did this time come, when it seems so apparent
As we were never self taught, by our guardian or our parent
That at some point it may look a mess
And from what we now see online, it's a something to address
Even in shops, such as Superdrug and Boots
It's on the man shelf, to shave how it should suit
As now the wife is comparing, to what she has seen in ****
We have never been so careful, not even cutting the front lawn
And it's not a point I'd like to take up with my local barber
I think I'll keep it to myself, a secret I can easily harbour
As who's going to know if we keep a big old bush
I'll just keep it as it is, as I'm in no manscape rush

JJB
John Bartholomew Jul 2024
Sugar in the coffee ***
Serves it warm, I like it hot
Perhaps Costa or Neros and pay a higher fee
A greasy spoon the place to be
Not refined but just fine
No frothy Americanos or skinny on the milk
Tetleys all day long, washed down smooth as silk
Across the way, Comedy Store, new comics where the crowd pan you
All else fails, nip over the road, a hot slice of Ma's lasagne 
Builders sat in the corner, tea break and a laugh
All day fry-up,
the best in town,
only at,
Ma's Cafe

JJB
John Bartholomew Jun 2023
The time has come and our relationship is over
Our bed, our thoughts, our memories sat on it with our pup, Rover
Ten years is its limit according to the boffs
It had its positions with who was on top
But you cheated
Then Charlie bleated
That liar now on our mattress, his **** wrongly heated
We had our bounce
Ounce after ounce
Sweating, girating, that once **** flounce
But you have now left me in pain
Who's mark was that, now left a small brown stain
If propped up on the drive to washaway in the rain
So they have a thing called memory foam
If recorded lately it would just hear us row and ****** moan
From you snoring at a ghastly hour
To me just wishing and pleading
Bring back that love we lost
Thrown out with a taste
Now, oh so sour

JJB
Me
John Bartholomew Jul 2024
Me
Faze me
Paraphrase me
Rely on me
Deny on me
Misquote me
Then vote for me
Have dinner with me
Be a sinner with me
Ten-Pin bowl with me
Play 8 ball pool with me
Rule the world with me
But never forget,
to act the fool with me

JJB
John Bartholomew Apr 2022
The tides of time change things in modern ways
Our speech
Our thoughts
Our views
My opinion of you
I joked that my brain has gone offline for a reboot like the Truman Show
That the veins need an upgrade and that for now the curtains are closed
New headlights and a clearer sight to see
Go faster stripes, a vision, revision, a brand new me...

But you cannot polish and re-scent a battered old stone
Or change his opinion on the things he likes to moan
You can delete some numbers of those on his mobile phone
But in the back of his mind is still that old, grizzled tone

Try to take my shopping and dress me how you like
But I will always be that chipped BMX disguised as a mountain bike
I'd love to see things from the leftie way, but I'm just not psyche
Always trouble, always different, always a little tyke

So that picture I posted that nobody liked (*******)
Was a sign that my time is drawing nearer to leave this realm of fake news and friendships on my trusted bike
It's been a blast
But my time has passed
For Facebook and this Social Net.

Thank you,

JJB
John Bartholomew Mar 2020
We kissed in the playground,
I remember your blonde hair
Being boldly eight and we were just the same,
Now I don't remember your name

Asking old friends of a time since lost,
Memories I'd love to have back now, at any cost
Innocence was a sanctity now craved by most elders,
Of a time long gone, where nobody told us

I pushed you in the park, to the floor then on the swing
We laughed about our larks, not caring of such things
Our parents said we had to be home by six,
Oh to have those days back, that stumbled into teenage kicks

For we don't see what we had in the palm of our hands,
A light smack on the *** for filling her wellies with sand
Such purity of mind that is now long in the tooth
To have those days back, yes,
Memories of Youth

JJB
“Youth is happy because it has the capacity to see beauty. Anyone who keeps the ability to see beauty never grows old.”― Franz Kafka

“Youth is wasted on the young.”― George Bernard Shaw

“What a weary time those years were -- to have the desire and the need to live but not the ability.”― Charles Bukowski, Ham on Rye
John Bartholomew Apr 2020
That choice you once had and failed to grasp

Love is forever

Life is not

Never let go

Of that one

Memory


JJB
“If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.”― Mark Twain

“Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.”― Steven Wright

“Scars have the strange power to remind us that our past is real.”― Cormac McCarthy

“Our memory is a more perfect world than the universe: it gives back life to those who no longer exist.”― Guy de Maupassant

“Forbidden to remember, terrified to forget; it was a hard line to walk.”― Stephenie Meyer,
John Bartholomew Apr 2024
I have a complex history of destruction and rebuilding
A fragile take on man who often needs self healing
For I am not a castle that can take on any more wars
As many a battle I have had that needs no more scars
Alive with insults thrown at a skin that is close to breaking
Just a little love is all I need and a heart I would love to take in
For an age comes when you need no more ****** battles
A laugh, a drink with no time to think is a life on which I could settle
To watch the sun set without a thought and to live life on our pension
As time is to short to always comprimise, who needs a life sentance?

JJB
#peace #love #relax
Miami away
Miami by day
Miami muscle
Miami hussle
Miami bakes
Miami fakes
Miami sun
Miami gun
Miami tourists
Miami purists
Miami vice
Miami twice
Miami again
Miami ten out of ten
Miami
❤️

JJB
John Bartholomew Nov 2018
Approaching like a soul with a bad news update
Small things gradually start to appear
Time,
Loss,
Fear,
That first grey hair on your head
Now showing up in places that you dread
Pants,
Chest,
Nostrils,
No way man,
Impossible
The beat of the radio flicks from Radio 1 to 2
Don't try and deny it, you know this to be true
Now Elbow,
Mike and the Mechanics
Nothing wrong with a bit of Elvis Presley
Now this is getting scary
I'm going to need a Harley or a soft top soon
Impress the ladies that I'm still in tune
Chinos,
Loafers,
A semi grey goatee
Oh man,
I hate becoming an oldie

JJB
Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you - Ogden Nash

Middle age is when your old classmates are so grey and wrinkled and bald they don't recognize you - Bennett Cerf

Middle age is when your broad mind and narrow waist begin to change places -  E. Joseph Cossman
John Bartholomew Jun 2024
So, I heard you want to be Middle-Class?
Jet-setting in the sun with an afternoon siesta
Not Karen from accounts still driving her 05 Fiesta
Starts to read The Telegraph, not the red top Daily Star
Cocktails at lunch in trendy Morrelos, not the 2 for 1 deal in a Wetherspoons bar
Credit card explosion on the latest pair of Nikes
You wouldn't catch me shopping in Primark, go on, take a hike
Possibly a change in friends,
names like Beatrice, Bijou, and Arrabella
Not the kids on the street, dressed in 90s trackies, still listening to old Paul Weller
No, a change is needed if I want to climb the ladder in this world
A Waitrose loyalty card and sandwiches from Marks,
now a proper Middle-Class girl

Middle-Class Me

JJB
John Bartholomew Mar 2020
70 miles from the beautiful English coast
Some days that's the only place I'd rather be the most
Throwing chips to the gulls whilst sat outside with a lovely chilled beer
Not thinking what's the quickest way to Northampton from here
Or to drive west and dream over the Irish Sea
As there are other places where I'd rather be
But maybe it's just this and its stuck in my bones
Middle England is me and time to get used to it being my home

JJB
Summers here, hello Mr. Sun
T-shirts and shorts, time for some fun
Pump up the tyres, out on our bikes
Scratches on legs, bitten by mites
Steaks on the grill, fire up the barbie
Think that I'm cool, think I'm Tom Hardy
Beers now cold, well stocked in the fridge
All bitten to hell, must've been a midge!

JJB

🐜🦟🪰
John Bartholomew Jul 2023
She broke my Hert in Beds
So time to get my own back onto which this spree it led
I spread my love all around the Shires
With some still left hanging on the wire
From Dorset to Devon were the ones from heaven
Losing count in Cornwall but sure it was near eleven
Never crossing the mire to the depths of Wales
And not considered the trip across the channel,
I prefer a fry-up to a plate full of snails
Through the Sexes onto God's garden Kent
Posh girls aplenty so time to build my tent
But the North was always great and a whole lot of fun,
from the bland to the bold and even up the...Oh Matron!
Glasgow slid to Edinburgh and then onto Perth
I tell my friends that these are the cities to unearth
Now time to delve back south to the places I know best
I just needed a midlife crisis to get it off my chest
Now to add the county back to the Shires I forgot
Jeez, there was a fair few, Bucks seems like a fair good shot!

JJB
#midlifecrisis
Aerobatic
Entertaining the aristocratic
Hanging from reinforced ropes
Living in danger
Not living in hope
Beige crimson and somewhat frilly lycra
Circus crowds a good place to hide, yeah
Running from that man who wants his revenge
New hair colour and a crop top fringe
But I will travel no matter how far
As I am now the utterly wonderful
The truly delectable,
Miss La La

JJB
John Bartholomew Jan 2019
The C30
The C60
The C90
Depends how much thought you have
If it was just to get them into bed or real true love
The songs had to mean something in one way or another
If just to say sorry or to get them under your covers
A lyric
A phrase
A night that got you in a daze
Times of deleting and re-recording
A song not to long that could sound a bit boring
Something that had a beat, a pulse, to stop them from snoring
The tape
The CD
The download
For what was mixed will now never be remembered
It sits in the lost drawer with photos our schoolmates did lend us
Nothing to play it on as it won't mix with iTunes
A 90's tradition now lost in our bedrooms,

Mixtape Memories

JJB
Mixtapes are very personal, and they describe who you are better than an album sometimes - Theophilus London

Life is a mixtape in many ways - Anon
John Bartholomew Feb 2024
Sometimes I just don't fit in
As I shake my head and leave it to next of kin
A new world order where we all obey the rules
Preferring the good days when Britania was seen as cool
A ***** joke was laughed and not thought twice
When we didn't have to think before adding a touch of spice
But now we cannot offend without upsetting the faint and the WOKE
Was it something I said? something I dreamt.
Oh, to extinguish this 'woe be me' smoke
Wear a mini skirt and have a flirt
Wiggle those hips and do your shirk
It's no danger to those who can't keep pace
They'd only ***** about you behind your face
For its all coming back again when it really mattered
To be told you look nice and to feel a little flattered
As the modern world can adapt to the past
It's just a case of perseverance to make the good times last

JJB
I seem to build a problem
If easy is one
Then throw me a ten
Not liking a normal life
Stumbling into chaos
It seems to be my bias
Even my daughter asks why I'm in a chair
One night not to be ordinary
Living, without a care
Audre est Facere
To do is to dare
To be reborn from a fresh new fountain
Instead of climbing these heights
These fights
These blights
These mountains  

JJB
John Bartholomew May 2020
Not a step out of line
Your dance, your prance, your swagger
Perfection based upon your moves
This made me want to pull that trigger

Your tune
They fall to the floor from that tick
Tock-tick, tock tick
Man you make me sick

Walking past me like I don't exist
Just giving me the blues
Of course it's always you they choose
So I blew you away
Bye-bye
Over and out

Mr Goody 2 Shoes
(ha!)

JJB
Living like a king
Dressed in others bling
Some may dress you down
Well they can just go and sing
You are who you are,
one fantastic human being
Clothes are for the aesthetic
Just pleased in what you're seeing
Ralph Lauren, Hugo Boss onto YSL
I now spend frivolously,
not in fashion hell
As you don't have to be flash and minted
Just get online and spend spend spend
Hence,
hello,

Mr Vinted

JJB
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