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267 · Dec 2024
Hiding
John Bartholomew Dec 2024
A smile can hide so much pain
Deceptive
Depressive
Conformist
As you can not see the weight on my shoulders
Praying everyday,
for this,
just to be over

JJB
267 · Sep 2019
The Man Bun
John Bartholomew Sep 2019
Bless me Lord for I have sinned
As I once grew a haircut that I shortly binned
But I knew at the time it was thoroughly wrong
Because these things happen when you grow it that long
A look in the mirror and you think it looks alright
Seriously man, that really isn't right
Laughed at behind closed doors and always behind your back
Yeah, it's true, you do look a complete ****
If haircuts were numbered you'd be looking at a one
As the village idiot would even shave it off
That bundle
That irresponsible
That monstrosity to the back of the human head
The Man Bun

#youknowwhoyouare

JJB
260 · Feb 2021
We all have our reasons
John Bartholomew Feb 2021
The good Lord watches
I sit and watch with him
(He nods in agreement)
He gives it ten minutes
(His face saddens and frowns in disappointment)
Yes my Son, I now see why you must leave her
A reason is not only yours until you have an agreement
I feel the Lords eye was my biggest nod and waver for this unwanted decision as,
We all have our reasons.

JJB
258 · Aug 2018
Lost in Life
John Bartholomew Aug 2018
Directions are great when there is one to follow
No map
No book
No clue
Its down to you

It all starts from day one
You watch
You listen
You learn
Everyday a lesson in which way to turn

Given the odd snippet of how it is done
Been there
Been everywhere
Been the real me
Down to you now so lets see

The guidebook is written as we go along
To be that man
To be those who can
To see over the upcoming hill and be the boss

For we will always be this in life,

Lost

JJB
“Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves" - Henry David Thoreau

“When you're feeling lost, take heart. It's just your brain gathering the information it needs to make good decisions." - Josh Kaufman

"The soul which has no fixed purpose in life is lost; to be everywhere, is to be nowhere" - Michel de Montaigne

"We have lost contact with reality, the simplicity of life" - Paulo Coelho
258 · Sep 2021
Clutter
John Bartholomew Sep 2021
Thats nice
Oh, I like that
It'll look good on the shelf
Now stuck in that drawer, gathering ill heath
The football programmes
The bottles of bleach from the Tenerife sun-tan
The school nativity play from your neighbour Stan
All shoved in the closet
With the receipt for the apartment deposit
Gathering dust for that day that you want it
Forgotten in the turns of time
Like that vinegar once bought decayed in brine
Stuck in the cupboard behind the lemon and lime
We look at it and always sadly mutter
I love it
I'll use it one day
This endless debris of useless, worthless, selfless,

Clutter
“Out of clutter, find simplicity.” ― Albert Einstein

“Clutter is my natural habitat.” ― Maggie Stiefvater, The Scorpio Races

“...that once were urgent and necessary for an orderly world and now were buried away, gathering dust and of no use to anyone.” ― Patricia A. McKillip, Alphabet of Thorn

“I like working among ‘creative clutter’. It gives me a sense of activity and achievement.”― Fennel Hudson, A Meaningful Life - Fennel's Journal - No. 1
John Bartholomew Jan 2021
Now this depends on the colour of the pill
The one to make you high or the one to make you ill
If you're in the mood for searing riffs by Jimmy Page
Or you think that **** belongs in another age
Along with the teeth picking tunes by Jimi Hendrix
You'd rather sit in silence eating your Weetabix
Those six string gods such as Clapton and Chuck Berry
Now for a game of domino's with Pete and old Terry
The jukebox here plays the modern from Gaga and onto Oasis
The barmaid likes the older man, let's hope I meet her analysis
She puts on some older songs, The Beatles and The Kinks
Reeling off some other stuff, miss it if you blink
Then the rumour does come true as she catches me with her eye
Back to hers with some cans and a kebab,
Rock and Roll will never die

JJB
253 · Sep 2018
But what was he in?
John Bartholomew Sep 2018
You look at the television, a new series is starting
Wife's making the tea, kettle boils, just waiting in the kitchen
3 minutes in, a face appears, it takes a minute to click
Honey, who's this guy, I've seen him before but it just wont tick

Hot drink in each hand, she steps in, looks, pauses and takes a think
Oh, he was in whats it called, that show with the family on the brink
He tried to ****** the mother to get the payout to feed the kids
No, different guy, he's in Corrie now emptying the bins

Keep watching, it'll come, this confusion that matters to nothing
But it's bugging, so frustrating, his face was definitely in something
What's his name, well I don't know, we'll have to wait until the end
Click on the info button, it'll show up there, I might even have to phone a friend

OK, nobody has mentioned him for a while, what was his name?
Been around the block a bit but not known for his fame
Appeared in The Bill, Birds of a Feather and Celebrity Generation Game
But a face you forget, an accent non describable and tomorrow you'd still forget it again

An every man, he fits in the plan, can take any role and just blend into the background
A speaking part, a bit-part actor, was even in some major films but never talk of the town
And then you look down in Tesco's, his name at last you see on a DVD in the bargain bin, great, its him!

But what was he in?!

JJB
“People are supposed to fear the unknown, but ignorance is bliss when knowledge is so **** frightening.” ― Laurell K. Hamilton

“Nothing is more frightening than a fear you cannot name.” ― Cornelia Funke

“what you don't know, you don't miss” ― Cecelia Ahern
249 · Aug 2018
Even I Make Mistakes
John Bartholomew Aug 2018
A wrong word, a comma out of place
Misspelled, hyphenated, split into two
English sometimes a second language to me

A conversation taken too far
Stop! Don't tell that tale, now hindsight playing on your mind
What if they tell my parents, a big mouth I sometimes have

A joke, somebody's you heard on television
Don't try and make it your own
Its universal, you look like a fool, its out in the cosmos

A chat-up line, cheesy but sincere, will she even laugh
She smiled, now go away, try harder
Your persistence now overwhelming, time to cut that cord

The older you get, you then start to realise
Most things really are not worth it
The chase, the charm, what did you expect, no finish line in the race

To watch the ruler of the free world elected by the rabble
He says what he wants, laughed off in a tirade
But how long will he last by stating these massive promises

Yes we have all said something and thought back on that
Did that actually just come out of my mouth?
Yes, it really did, as on this Earth, hell,

Even I Make Mistakes

JJB
“Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.” ― Albert Einstein

“Have no fear of perfection - you'll never reach it.” ― Salvador Dalí

“Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.” ― Napoléon Bonaparte

“We learn from failure, not from success!” ― Bram Stoker, Dracula
248 · May 26
False Front
Never trust the pictures you see
A made up scene they want you to believe
Jealousy your only response
None of it real,
scroll on with nonchalance
Their lives, all an improvised stunt
Don't be suckered in
This made-up,
social,
  false front.

JJB
John Bartholomew Apr 2019
Trying to keep up with the leading man
Doing everything he does
Seems he's covered the World in his 30 year life span
Comes in everyday even with a stinking cold
He laughs,
He jokes
I haven't met his wife but no doubt stunning with looks so bold
But don't think that that's the man you have to be
We all live our different lives as,
We don't all fall from the same enchanted tree
So what if your not so tall and have the odd spot on your face
It's what makes up the world,
As we all come from a different place
Difference is the exact medium that makes this life a blast
If we all had the same dumb thoughts then,
all our hot dogs would be filled with Bratwurst!

Nobody's Perfect

JJB
School is practice for future life, practice makes perfect and nobody's perfect, so why practice? - Billie Joe Armstrong

Stop hating on yourself for not being perfect. If God wanted perfection, He would have made you an angel.

Nobody is perfect, so get over the fear of being or doing everything perfectly. Besides perfect is boring. - Jillian Michaels
248 · Sep 2018
Magpie
John Bartholomew Sep 2018
They circle, surveying the scene, spying that morsel to the very last bean
If it glitters it's worth a nab, anything new that shines and still has it's tab
One for sorrow, two for joy, a new batch of friends who will end up annoyed
Those crafty yet deceiving fingers, if its not nailed down then it may well linger
A white vest with a black jacket surround
Any profit to be made and then homeward bound
For these creatures have no crux or moral dilemmas
They will rob you blind, laugh at your woes and squark with joy in a rude grammar
As these are the Devil's beings, you are blind if you are not seeing,
Them using you in every way, those lucky rhymes an old distraction to what you should be fleeing
For they are small, a minor aberration, we rarely take no notice
Forget the song to the number you have seen and what could have been when,
You look into those deep black beady eyes as they have an ulterior motive,  

Magpie

JJB
I have a magpie mind. I like anything that glitters - Roy Thomson

Like a magpie, I am a scavenger of shiny things: fairy tales, dead languages, weird folk beliefs, fascinating religions, and more - Laini Taylor

My head was a magpie's nest lined with such bright scraps of information - Alice Munro

I'm like a magpie. I use lots of different things to build a character - Andrew Lincoln
246 · Jan 2019
Anything You Invent is Art
John Bartholomew Jan 2019
It's mediums cover an untethered mass of production
And yes, it usually just comes from a bit of fun
Kids in the class to a scratch in the sand
From learning the recorder onto a rock and roll band
See it as tosh, well class it as you will
Marvel at its psychedelia whilst swallowing the bitterest pill
A bedroom left in ruin from a woman, hardly feminine
I forget her name, oh there we go, nice work Tracey Emin
Rose tainted spectacles for the ones we love and desire
In reality, probably better off in the fire
But don't knock it until you have tried it as you have no right to really speak,
An artists soul can encapsulate a moment even it is dreary and bleak
Pick up that pen sat by your side and have a squiggle,
Look at things, objects, people, best place? Probably Lidl
The odder the human the better the detail to find and pick
Start to build a portfolio, everything has to start brick by brick
As,

Anything You Invent is Art

JJB
245 · Jun 2019
Watching a Spider
John Bartholomew Jun 2019
Intricate in its shape
Its delicate pondering of its next right move
Chain of command always on the teeter
What it can eat and who is likely to feed it
Making a web to catch its innocent prey
Watching as it falters into the spiders dinner tray
Labelled as evil by any horror film made
A life of getting by and working hard, no badness does it make
As ugly as it was once crowned by a God with no commanding easel
Screamed at by plenty like the scratching of a trouser weasel
Be careful of the poor thing as its tiny in appearance
Its hanging in the corner doesn't want any interference
Just a life of getting on without the shaking and the shouting
Moving in measures not meant to get the human heart beating

For I am only,

Watching a Spider

JJB
243 · May 2018
My Own Best Company
John Bartholomew May 2018
Who to trust and to who make that pledge
Who to be with forever and who just keeps you on edge
That one life partner who will be forever more
Go through the list, one, two, three then four

Someone that you can trust and who's heart you can openly pour
Or the misgivings of a traitor who's vengeance will leave you wholly sore

Take a bite of the cake and a trust you devour, as a couple you now feel that power
Times journey slips into a well of decay, leaving that taste, that is now, oh so sour

You meet many on the way, they come and slip away, but onto whom do you now hold
6 months here, a couple of years there, like most friendships they one day fold

As I sit here in the sun, thoughts of times that I have run, I'd say these tree's hold some great memories
Best left to ponder on my own, where arguments cannot be grown,
As I am my own best company,

JJB
Yes, I guess you could say I am a loner, but I feel more lonely in a crowded room with boring people than I feel on my own - Henry Rollins

I don't know people can fake whole relationships. I can't even fake a hello to somebody I don't like! - Anon
240 · Oct 2019
If the BBC...
John Bartholomew Oct 2019
If the BBC...
Knew how we all really do talk in the car,
Of our real opinions,
Our views,
Of what we think of certain people in life,
How our daily chat is embroiled in what they don't report,
Our loves that don't include politics,
A real box to tick,
Who we hate,
Who we really do rate,
And who should go into that next big seat at No.10,
Then the BBC should speak to the man on the street,

The British builder,
The factory worker
The delivery driver
The plumber
The average office worker
The struggling student and not those whose parents have money
The small towns near Grimsby,Bristol and those in Newcastle
The real man
The Nine til Five and then the Seven til' Eleven
The every penny earnt and still they are struggling

If the BBC actually reported on this,
Then this would be the real Britain they would be showing,
Yet,

JJB
239 · Mar 2019
Planets
John Bartholomew Mar 2019
The planets align to tell of a different wonder
Astronomers talk of us in sync as if God planned it
But if I am being truthfully honest
I'm just happy being me
Living my life
Happy
In love
On this wonderful planet

JJB
236 · Jul 2018
Won't Die Wondering
John Bartholomew Jul 2018
Do it, just ******* do it
Is something holding you back
Your here just the once, unless religious turmoil is on track
Ingenuity was never going to get you the sack

You clever beast, never regret that time you did
Thoughts of woe and wondering why you never got rid
So many things to do in life, that final last bid
Go on, jump, bungee from the Clifton Suspension Bridge

Time is short, that bucket list will never grow again
One hundred moral sins listed, do them all and put down that curious pen
They'll give you a mark on that audacious headstone once dead, 10 out of 10
You'll have a gathering, whats he going to do next, everyone wanting to be your friend

Its a roller coaster ride, a thousand bumps on course
A name to be made of songs they will no doubt sing
Travelled the world from Auckland, New Zealand to Hertfordshire, Tring
For you are a soul, a man not left head scratching, for you,

Wont Die Wondering

JJB
It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues - Abraham Lincoln

It's been quite a ride. I loved every minute of it - Charlton Heston

The flower has opened, has been in the sun and is unafraid. I'm taking more chances; I'm bold and proud - Paula Cole

Wrinkles will only go where the smiles have been - Jimmy Buffett
236 · Jan 2018
The Fall-Back Option
John Bartholomew Jan 2018
Happy as Larry who ever he once was with the partner of your dreams
Full of life and to tell the world were so joyous and as bright as two fresh sunbeams
But it’s there
It will always be there
That fall-back option
With the one that could always and might just hurt her
Simmering away, popping up in random thought, always on the back burner

The split, you saw it coming, how could this heaven just carry on
That roaming eye, always on the prowl, who do you think you are, the Fonz (eh)
But you cared
You always cared
For that one that got away
Another path for you to walk down, give her a ring, what’s the worst that she could say?

A tragedy now unfolds, how could this of happened, a date of lost proportions
Hanging on for that lost soul, it didn’t go well, best tread with foreseen caution
I have been such a fool
Breaking that unwritten rule
Love has its borders of which he did not see
Lets set sail again, a new love to find on these choppy waters of loves iniquities

JJB
233 · Oct 2024
Human
John Bartholomew Oct 2024
We all tick to a different tock
Couples match but some are odd socks
One loves opera the other heavy rock
From Indie Bripop onto hip-hop
Out on a Saturday,
She in jeans
Him in her frock
We all get on by any means given
And that's just it my friend
Got to enjoy the life we are livin'

Human

JJB
233 · Dec 2018
A Rebel Without a Pause
John Bartholomew Dec 2018
Causing trouble for the sake of it
Stampeding through life without a thought to think and sit
Mumbled words that when heard offend
Sitting on the fence is a place for the quiet to send
Rampaging on occasions that can get on his wick
Sometimes wrong but they are wounds he can now lick
Sitting back and thinking it through
Maybe Johnny was better as a boy named Sue
Not my place they say but I'm allowed my opinion
I'll cry if I want even if I'm not cutting those onions
Born as you are it's up to them if they really want the change
Sometimes its a shock with looks that can be strange
From girl to boy to woman to man
You want to break those rules because you really can
when acted by the legendary man that was James Dean
This is how you want the world for you to be seen
A rebel without a cause
I don't stop under your set rules
Set by years of the norm and played out by fools
As I am,

A Rebel Without a Pause

JJB
231 · Sep 2018
All Gods Plan
John Bartholomew Sep 2018
Life
Where do we start
From the days of a baby to the finals in some nursery
Everyday we have a plan
We don't execute these fantasy's but they are real
In your head, we married, we fought, we were the deal
Reality is a different beast though, that is for us all
What I'll be will not shock the world, as I will no doubt fall
We have plans, massive plans, as your parents did not make it
Watch me rise, watch me flourish, into a being that does not sit
I will show you how it is done, the route and the wisdom
The weak will fall, I strive on, a tidal wave under Earths sun
Crushing the likes that put us all down
Get out of my way, you retched little man,
This is me, the second coming never wearing that frown
Walking this Earth like I rule its surface
Soon to disappear, a legend for thousands of years
I disappear without trace as I am,

All God's Plan

JJB
I believe that God has a plan and purpose not only for the human race, but for my individual life - Anne Graham Lotz

“If you're reading this, I hope God opens incredible doors for your life this year. Greatness is upon you. You must believe it though.” ― Germany Kent

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.” — Billy Sunday

“I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.”— Emo Philips
229 · Nov 2017
The User
John Bartholomew Nov 2017
They will come in all colours with different sized feet
From the girl in the chip shop to the Bobby on the beat
Useful for something they could not quite reach
They'll use what they can whilst draining you like a leech

They come in all shapes and sexes
Hence the majority will be your one time exes
Grateful at the time for the experience bold and new
Now left on the pile just simmering away with the plenty and the few

They ring you when its something you never really expected
A coffee in the park
A chat on the past
And then boom
A cash loan in their pocket
You'll soon get it back with a slap on the back
Followed by a cheque that will never clear

They know their intentions but its never once mentioned
This pain they cause to us all
If its not money then its friendship
This false sense of kinship
That fools us and hurts when it falls

The user is a coward
Desperate to climb that tower
That you built whilst they weren't watching

The user is a prey
Conniving everyday
Just watch where your next step may take you

The User

JJB
226 · Feb 2019
I Don't Do Bad Drivers
John Bartholomew Feb 2019
Judgemental?
Yes
A car that hasn't been cleaned in ages
It makes you think
Their driving?
Gonna be bad

You step in and already the signs are negative
A mess of untold takeaways, how do some people live
11 Magic Tree's all hanging from the mirror
On the passenger seat their food, an old McDonald's wrapper

CD cases shoved into the depths of the car doors pockets
From Jane McDonald onto Steps, please God, just stop it
Penny sweet wrappers all mixed with their mint Extra's
On the back seat a GB map and a DVD of Michael C Hall in Dexter

I start to wonder what the state of their house really is
Not Hoovered for weeks, stinks to high heaven with old food in the fridge
But let's not stray as they might actually be a surprise
Jumps in, no seatbelt on, no, this really is a pigsty

Whacks it into first, revs right up, let's skip that trip and put it in third
Who teaches these people the way to live in life
Did their parents skip a growing up class on how to live nice
Or maybe I have morals that sour down to being too pleasant
Were nearly there, just a quick ride which I'm starting to wish I hadn't

Getting out I thank them for their generosity, until next time,
She replied,
"Don't be stupid son, I'm your mum, your always welcome for a free ride!"

Think I'll try dad next time

JJB
225 · Jun 2018
The Alternative to Me
John Bartholomew Jun 2018
Parallel’s, and I am not talking bars
another life, another planet, Astra or Escort, lets keep away from cars
another me, another you, did they do what you do
we all have a twin in life, yes, one of me or two of you

If there is another realm where we all live the same,
then what’s the point of this one if its all the same game
do they have a million pounds and drive that car of luxury
a house filled with gold or made from wicker and trees

I could be an animal living a life in the dirt
or a bank robber, a backstabber or even a girl
what if a man, a man of degradation and easily disliked
his prey in a bar, looking for the ****, lurking, circling, drink spiked

We could be anything in an alternative life
a being made to ****** or the reincarnation of Christ
you could be put on your planet to heal the world
or to exterminate the rest and watch the nations die and fold

Or you could just be you as what you are now
a million nine til’ fives, clock in, do the job, clock out
we are all not successful entrepreneurs in that other life of thought
do what you do in this life as its down to what you are taught

For you could just be what you are now and it’s a sad thought to bear
or stood in a wood, growing through time without a single care
that handsome, wallowing, ancient sycamore tree, oh yes

The Alternative to Me

JJB
“Don't be blurred by impulse, to avoid regrets, refrain from doing things that will make you regret.” ― Michael Bassey Johnson

“Better be infamous than not famous at all.” ― Cass van Krah

“You are crazy," Misha said.
"I'd much rather the term 'alternative'.”
― Zøe Haslie, Just For A While
224 · Jan 2017
Loveless
John Bartholomew Jan 2017
It's been to long
it's been and gone
this love that we once had

A loveless hug
An emotionless drug
That now makes me so sad  

It starts off huge
This heartbeat move
Now faded in the past

Life twists and turns
The heart it yearns
For new hope in the sun now rising

Move on move out
This time is now
New love on the near horizon.

J.J.Bartholomew
John Bartholomew Jan 2021
It's always a great watch but never a sport
Just to see how other people are taught

In life, in love and even ordering food and coffee
Spending twenty in Costa when teenage and still spotty

Who gives them the filled pocket full of easy money
Must be the bank at home, more likely dad over mummy

People sit with paper just chilling whilst paying Sudoku
One naughty couple lightly play, his hands close to her...John!

Why row on loudspeaker in a public place of tranquil
Think that I'll get out of here and quickly pay at the till

First a quick nip to the toilet to release a wee jobby
Next cubicle is on the phone, I'll listen in, this should be my hobby!

JJB
“I like to prowl ordinary places
and taste the people-
from a distance.”
― Charles Bukowski

“And then I think, maybe that’s what we are. An accidental spectacle.”
― Tracy K. Smith

“One of the strangest experiences I had in life was watching my professional astronomy girlfriend turn into a lesbian.”
― Steven Magee
222 · May 2018
Lost
John Bartholomew May 2018
Lost in a maze of my own making
Do I tell the truth or just carry on faking
What path do I choose to take and what is best to follow
A quick fix for now or strive for a better tomorrow

Guidance is a road with many directions
Take the shortcut now and carry on with no expectations
Get your head down as a kid and do great at school
As no-one will employ a grade less, hopeful, fool

Jobs on a lamppost advertising three hundred a day
Best get on my knees and believe in God, a riddle only to be solved with a miracle and to prey
The quick fix is a decision taken by many from a poster by the side of the road
So where is this money that is offered, as curious as Bigfoot about to solve the enigma code

Its a cycle of fast-wash stuck on spin, the colours of plenty all just blending in
All looking for that better tomorrow, the easy route perhaps, no thoughts of progression on its whim
Just give it to me now, I want the quick fix with no sign of self worth
What has he produced to live here now, this desperate being now roaming Gods Earth

Lost

JJB
The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage - Mark Russell

Obsessed by a fairy tale, we spend our lives searching for a magic door and a lost kingdom of peace -  Eugene O'Neill
220 · Jan 2019
An Oasis of Song
John Bartholomew Jan 2019
That guilt ridden riff of a Rock'n'Roll Star opened up your heart
It ingrained, slowly, with more 6 string lullaby's rolling from a brand new start

Electronica and the New Wave fading away, something new on our horizon was needed
A rip-off from The Beatles and a caution now to be heeded

5 lads from Manchester and an attitude to boot
Not the greatest of musicians but born with a swagger, the lead singer acting up like a skinny gangly brute

****** on stage but that didn't matter, singing the wrong lyrics but had the indie girls a flutter
They rolled off the charts like songs born in time
We all need a singalong with a song that easily rhymes

From Wonderwall to Some Might Say, we got our moneys worth out of these lads
But like everything in time, it fizzled out as another fad

Britpop was king for 3 or 4 years, until the Roller in the pool disappointed us all
I'd never eaten a Magic Pie but if it tasted like the rest of these songs it wasn't worth a mention
All the kids waiting for (Whats the Story) Morning Glory's follow up with 2 years of wasted tension

What followed that I really now cant remember, as it stunk to high heaven
Something about not believing the truth from a group of struggling once high heathens

The odd song stuck like a niggling little struggle
Songbird through to a few others onto The Importance of Being Idle
But the days of ***, drugs and rock'n'roll lays in the past of memories now starting to fade
But if you remember them treasure that thought as those really were the days,

An Oasis of Song

JJB
218 · Apr 2020
Ladyboy
John Bartholomew Apr 2020
Who would have known you was of a different sort
Paying for some fun I normally wouldn't have bought
Ten sheets to the wind it was then I found your toy
Well how was I to know that you was still a boy
Perfectly sculpted cheeks and lips you could die for
When I woke in the morning some parts still pretty **** raw
What was I thinking then out of my mind
I just wanted some way to really unwind
Now looking out at the sea, regrets, cocktail in hand
But, you know, what happens in Thailand, stays in Thailand

(You only live once)

Ladyboy

JJB
“I'm not a woman and i'm not a man, i'm just a thing with ******* and a *****" - Stuart Francis

In order to plant the Gospel, we must take risk. — K.P. Yohannan

The dog sniffed at the bonfire like a ship with a wet nose docking at a foreign port. -Mgru — Stephen Moles
218 · Sep 2021
The Day I Died
John Bartholomew Sep 2021
No date no time
Just in these arms of mine
Nothing could prepare you
That tea your final brew
No last words
It would have been somethimg absurd
Obviously to just make you laugh
Thundercats on TV with that ginger brat Snarf
A cartoon to throw me back to my youth
Oasis on the wireless with aint that the truth
Those final tears as we cuddle and regretfully cried
A day never to be relived again
The day I died

JJB
John Bartholomew Oct 2019
Telling lies,
we all do it.

I'm flat footed so couldn't join the army
(Nothing wrong with my feet, I'm just scared of fighting)

I'm colourblind with certain shades of red
(Nothing wrong my eyesight, it's just something I once said)

I once caught a pike over thirty pound in weight
(I only won a goldfish once, when at the village fete)

Telling my mates in the pub I was man of the match with a hat trick
(When I was really curled up in bed, hungover and half sick)

Bungee jumped a thousand feet up, into a Kiwi lagoon
(When I was really eating breakfast in bed, only in my hotel room)

I've travelled the world, been far, been wide to tell you all this crap
(I turn it on with such truth, it's all from Google Maps)

As people are gullible, fascinated by stories of lies and endeavour
(Words can be misconstrued,changed to make you sound clever)

We meet them on a daily basis, these fiends with a thousand foes
(Just full of lies, boiling up, from their fingers down to their toes)

But it's not just me as you look at the other person in the room
(How long until you suss them out, albeit not too soon)

For we all tell the odd porky, even if it is a little white lie
But sometimes they become to much and then its hello, bye -bye

Stupid ****** Lies (Don't believe a word they say)

JJB
“If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.”
― Mark Twain

“I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you.”
― Friedrich Nietzsche

“I lie to myself all the time. But I never believe me.”
― S.E. Hinton, The Outsiders

“If you tell a big enough lie and tell it frequently enough, it will be believed.”
― Adolf ****** (Really?)
John Bartholomew Apr 2024
"Have you actually tried walking?"
"You people amaze me"
"What. So you can't feel ANYTHING?!"
"Can you, you know, still have (mouthed), ***?"
"Lucky you. I'd love to sit down all day!"
All true, (mouthed) unfortunately.

JJB
211 · Jun 2023
Beautiful Differences
John Bartholomew Jun 2023
The love of difference is our strange attraction
I blew at maths and copied your fractions
Not caring if you are black, white, green or yellow
I rocked on guitar whilst you plucked that cello
With instruments like that we'd never start a band
Just laugh at our disparity whilst walking hand in hand
The cool kids loved you as I was just a mess
But you loved the way I sauntered, not trying to impress
Hey, why try and improve on whats never likely
Just hold stance, slip her the key, to the backdoor of what may be
Nobody said a word as they shared ice cream on the pier
Eastbourne had its gossips and those you regulary sneer
For she didnt drive and took the bus afar
As I souped up my Cosworth to be the fastest by far
Not a pill in sight as she didnt touch the stuff
Me overdosing on the A's and the B's then feeling kinda rough
Stroking her persian in her minimilist one bedroom flat
I fill mine with hoardings not room to swing her cat
But she laughs at what a state I can sometimes be in
For she is a keeper, a forgiver, overlooking my daily daft sins

Beautiful Differences

JJB
211 · Oct 2018
Poem of a Lonely Man
John Bartholomew Oct 2018
Lonely on a summers night at home
A touch, a laugh, sick of being alone
No number to fill this space on his mobile phone
That card he found on the bench in the park
As random as throwing a picked up stone
Working every hour that this God sends
A TV life has it's perfection, everybody has a friend
Maybe it's authors have yet to meet a man like me
A space yet to comprehend
She sounds nice on the call but that's how it's supposed to be
The perfect girl would never just fall from the nearest tree
Money in the wall for a stack of our queens head
Cash only my love for these knickers on the floor and 10 minutes in your bed
Life has it's imperfection and for these he's sometimes flawed
But your only here once and a long time dead,
6 feet under Earths floor,

Poem of a Lonely Man.

JJB
A big part of depression is feeling really lonely, even if you're in a room full of a million people -  Lilly Singh

When everything is lonely I can be my best friend - Conor Oberst

I've sold my soul for freedom. It's lonely but it's sweet - Melissa Etheridge

Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely - Erma Bombeck
210 · Sep 2023
The Man who Stared at Walls
John Bartholomew Sep 2023
Staring
Not caring
Of the words that are being said
Pondering
Just wondering
Of how he woke from his bed
Induced coma
That'll show ya
They all thought that you were dead
But nothing can stop me
Even that graceful old oak tree
That still stands and watches me in dread
As I now drive past her
This time slower, not faster
As we silently share that moment not said

JJB
208 · Sep 2019
Big Bloke Poem
John Bartholomew Sep 2019
It's a different way of life being big
I don't mean eating until I want to be sick
I mean my height, my clothes, still as tall as you when I sit
Not being able to buy the shirt I want because they all say Slim-fit

That pair of jeans I want but not your off the shelf clobber
My wife looks high and low bless her, as nothing will stop her
A pair of shoes to fit in with the latest fashions
No size 13 sir, you'll have to look online, that's where they usually stash them

I fly to America where they know how to treat me right
Trying on a Medium shirt, hell, its not even very tight
The only thing is their taste in shoes here
I'll order online as I wash it down with a beer

Even getting in a car can be a pain with a certain model
Head space, leg room, come on Mini, us lads want this at a doddle
And what is it the smaller woman that finds you such a pull
Hell, I'm not complaining, look after me and wrap me in wool

For I'm not violent in any which way at all
But get a man who thinks he's big and you'll get it with a bar room stool
Little man syndrome is our worst curse of them all
There is always one you thinks he's hard so has to act like the fool

But I like being a big bloke as you gain a respect for no reason at all
Some look up to you because your big and rather tall
But at the end of the day were just the same as me and you
Finding it hard in everyday life, and a love that is oh so true

JJB
208 · Mar 2018
Back Seat Driver
John Bartholomew Mar 2018
Jump in your car, time for that journey
Great for a while until that thing that bothers me
There she is stood, waiting for her lift
You can’t get to work, I’ll be your daily gift

What have I let myself in for
Fancied her at first but this is now a chore
Always second guessing whatever I may do
A mistake I have made and now hard to undo

I turn left she says it’s on the right
Lips curls in anger, carry on, its not worth the fight
His name is Mark, I’ve known him for years
It’s spelt with a C, his parents were different, their philosophy, now I’m in tears  

Well what do I know, wrong in every decision
I saw us together for years to come, now it’s a different vision
Radios on the station which to her is obviously wrong
Not that band, their music is rank, put on a different song

The saying is so true about judging a book by its cover
A face so pretty, hiding such secrets, I’d rather be her enemy than her lover
Best get on that phone and start the search for another job
I can’t bear this anymore, time for her to leech onto some other poor sod

Let me drive my life in my direction without this pretty preacher
Because God knows you don’t need a back-seat driver

JJB
“It's unwise to be a backseat driver, passenger or bystander in your own life.”
― Rasheed Ogunlaru

"You're going the long way. Take a left up here." - Everybody
206 · May 2022
Dad Bod
John Bartholomew May 2022
Comparing muscles at school after a dip in the pool
Who'd hit puberty first with some hairs around their tool
And wishing it would hurry up as being the bald fool
But these things pass and are all soon forgotton
The leaders will rise while some sink to the bottom
Let them lead as I'll get by with my broken foreign
As age chases us down in a time not so prepared
Living life without a care
We goofed, we played, we dared
Now comes the time that we did scare
The paunch becomes the launch of a middle-age crisis
No more nights of depravity waking with a no-name in the local Ibis,
Time to lose weight and sign up to the Weight Watchers list
Gone are the days of tight tops, slim jeans and a part of the MOD's
From a week on site, mucking up and carrying the hod
Pack in the the Friday treat, the chips, the curry sauce and the cod
For I now have the middle aged familiar thats said
Give up in the carbs, the rice and the bread
As I now have that of what I did dread,
Hello,

The Dad ***

JJB
206 · Jan 2019
That Madly British Way
John Bartholomew Jan 2019
What is made can usually be traced back here
From the car to an independent hops bar,
Serving its very own mind blowing beer
We are seen as a disruption, a small disturbance out on our own at sea
Ruling the world and the oceans years ago, ships crafted and made from the Royal British oak tree
Let our language be spoken at every outpost no matter where we did sail
Not all stories of heroism and splendor as some were deceitful, leaving many worried and plenty frail
Places we did not conquer still stand strong without the British rule
To think we could conquer Ireland, oh such fools
But the British way has set paths for many to follow
Austin Powers, Yanks with English accents through to Sleepy Hollow
From the telephone, the toothbrush onto the television
All used throughout the world and perfected to precision
Hate us for winning two timely World Wars
We'd all be speaking German yah, Zwei plus zwei ist vier!
Music from the 60's set the kids all in a spin
It carried on throughout our time, daft lyrics still make me grin
So don't knock us for having a mind of our own
Whilst people sneer and mock our ways, we always had our very own tone
As it is what we are and I hope it will stay,

That Madly British Way

JJB
Anything said in upper-crust British automatically sounded intelligent - Nancy Kress

The British nation is unique in this respect: they are the only people who like to be told how bad things are, who like to be told the worst - Winston S. Churchill

British aren't really known for their physical loveliness but firemen, generally speaking, are gorgeous - Emma Thompson

British humour is very cruel. It's my favourite kind of humour; if it isn't cruel and funny it doesn't really cut the cake for me - Jason Sellards
203 · Aug 2019
Sharks
John Bartholomew Aug 2019
Circling
Waiting
Sniffing
Preying
In for the ****
We all know one
Nothing better to do
Hated but sometimes loved
Monstrous but also as peaceful as a dove

Attack
Ripped
You had been tipped
Blood on the carpet yet to be cleaned
Off they swim with teeth that now gleam
Tails swagging as they have done their job
Everyone looking as they are the top ****
Nice as pie later on as they buy you a pint in the pub
You take it as its them but would really rather snub

For they are the ones who love they're own bark
A little fish who thinks they're as big as the Cutty Sark
Looking up they love you to know they are on the lark
As they are the ******* who ruins your day
For they are what we all know in life as

The Shark

JJB
203 · Feb 2022
I Am England (Was, Am, Are)
John Bartholomew Feb 2022
A two for one bargain but is it really worth buying?
Let me have a think, yes, I am England
His new girlfriend seems nice but I prefered his exe's likes
Let me ponder this change, as, I am England
His greatest goal he ever scored but in a one all draw
This can't be the case, hmm, I am England
Our men once ruled the waves but now dwell in their mancaves
Again, sadly, I am England
We once told our jokes and the birds to grab their coats
Now not a whimper, we can't offend, I am England
Saturday on the terrace, baying for blood, to the opposing crowd
Now, keep it down, not so loud, I am England
With a backbone and more front than Brighton Beach
You can't say that, it's out of our reach, I am England
How times have changed, from the sensitive to the utterly deranged
The lefts have taken the rites, yes, I am England
Comedy was a laugh but now is an early bath
Citizan Khan to Mrs Brown, God, please mend this, I am England
We once soured like an eagle, now a drip like treacle
No losers just a runner up, this has to stop, I am sadly England
A photo taken of nearly every meal eaten out
I'm starting to think we all live in doubt, I am England
Yet you cannot say a thing incase of somehow offending
Again, hate this to say, I, my friend, I am long lost England.

JJB
202 · Jul 2021
Her Choice/His Voice.
John Bartholomew Jul 2021
That grumbling roar of a voice not so pure
Always moaning on the phone whilst listening at the door
The world upsets him on almost every level
For that is not his voice but one who asides with a devil
We all gossip that he never ever stops
But somebody else is crossing his Tee's and feeding his daily rot
He maybe nice but from years of endless nagging
A silent mistress behind the scene feeding his needless slagging
As she was once a nurse but really no Marie Curie
For she feeds him her woes and her strife now vented in his fury.

JJB
201 · Jul 2022
Turkey Teeth
John Bartholomew Jul 2022
So you want to look like a celeb?
Your teeth so bright but not into debt?
Well scrape back the enamal and watch what they can do
For a round trip to Turkey is the quick fix for you,
Waltzing the streets looking like the next Rylan
Still wearing the cheap snides and the push-bike you ride on,
As they scrape back your natural front covers
Stuck on caps to look like the perfect lover
But pre-warned by your annoying sensible brother,
And now it's starting to show its disorder.
No dentist will touch you with what you have left
That money you blew to just look like the best
Now rotton and hanging by a thread,
From that modern shiny smile that could hail down a cab
To looking like you've never had it so bad,
Be careful what you wish for and to mix with rest
Just don't consider anymore, from your eyes down to your breast.
You're beautiful just the way you are
Just get the dentist to scrape that bit off,
I think its a bit of rotton tar!

Turkey Teeth

JJB
#thatceleblook
201 · Jun 2021
On Navy Pier
John Bartholomew Jun 2021
A trip to Chicago
Just somewhere
You got to go
A city of love and utmost flair
Don't deny the ego
From downtown
To the contraflow
The boats all docked under the shared
Jetty to outrig
From small to the ultra big
Ropes tied to hold them in place
Let's get something
Now to eat
Sit down
Get off our feet
Walking has got us the ****
From tourists to Bubba Gump
Let's have a beer
Take in the cheers
4th of July is best right here
Sat back
Relaxed
Just,
On Navy Pier.

JJB
201 · Jan 2019
What To Make Of Me
John Bartholomew Jan 2019
The looks, the small talk, the judgement
I often wonder what they think
Can I ask them a question
Are they going to take offence
What jokes do they find funny
Should I talk to them directly now rolled off the bus named Sunny
Can I offer them a drink, are they even allowed alcohol
Talk to them at my level or bend down eye to eye
I know what I'd probably prefer
How do they go to the toilet and does it all still work down there
Whats in their bag of tricks hidden under the chair
Can they have a boyfriend or girlfriend like normal people do
So many questions to ponder and chew
Should I ask them outright what happened or will it upset them
No, I'll sit and wonder, yeah, live in pretense
A thousand questions when you only have to do one thing
Come on over and ask, I wont sting
I'll talk to you like a the average human being
My legs don't work but I have a thousand stories to tell you
We are not monsters, just the unfortunate few
Give it a go and ask me a question and see what you can see
Only then can you give your opinion on,

What To Make Of Me

JJB
200 · Mar 15
Miami
Miami away
Miami by day
Miami muscle
Miami hussle
Miami bakes
Miami fakes
Miami sun
Miami gun
Miami tourists
Miami purists
Miami vice
Miami twice
Miami again
Miami ten out of ten
Miami
❤️

JJB
199 · May 2023
Last orders!
John Bartholomew May 2023
Costa and Starbucks are closing down our pubs
Now rubbing shoulders with those I hate, from the ones I used to love
No dartboard or billiards all playing our simple game
Now who has the latest Ipod or laptop, as they've just rushed from the train
A shout of Roger, Rihanna, down to this coffees going cold!
To paying over six pound a drink and not a care once sold
Company credit card all the way, no thought to the petty cash kitty
Looking up, the old pub tiles still grace the brick built wall, oh such a forgotten pity.

Last orders!

JJB
193 · Sep 2019
Awash in one's own Time
John Bartholomew Sep 2019
You take it for granted when it's stood right there
Playing with your kids without a single care
These moments they ground you in a time that's now past
Thinking these memories will always everlast
But where does it go in a life that's fast and always unread
Almost ten years ago as you think it through now lying in your bed
A jigsaw of pieces that somehow all interact
Now putting them together to make a perfect fact
Cast them in the river as they are all attached to the same line
As fishings not my thing, I'm just awash in one's own time

For a friend

JJB
“Nothing makes the earth seem so spacious as to have friends at a distance; they make the latitudes and longitudes.”-Henry David Thoreau
192 · Sep 2019
Audi v BMW Drivers
John Bartholomew Sep 2019
I could leave this blank as sometimes there are no words
As who has the biggest ego, could never finish second,
never mind third
Mines faster
no mines faster
Then watch this,
No, watch this,
I must be in front
But I have to be there first, I'm more important
Do you not know who I'm meeting, the CEO of some place new
No time to sit and chat, you can stick your pleasantries and brew
Think I'll whack it in the disabled space, this guy can never be late
I'll drive right up your behind, can't be stumped for this date
For I am the most important person on the road
As we don't abide by the rules or the Highway Code
For we are above you as we rule the roads of the land
The Astra, the Focus, the VW Golf, all so bland
We are a range of vehicle that relies on being slick
Usually driven by the same kind of person we all know
Yes, normally, a bit of a *****!


JJB
189 · Apr 2024
One Love
John Bartholomew Apr 2024
We fly together
Like birds of a feather
Loving you even in mention
Never an ounce of tension
We have been through the good and the rough
As you fit just like a missing glove
No words could ever be enough
As you are my only
One love
❤️

JJB
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