I seek greatness,
Not perfection but
Something more.
I want jagged edges,
And symmetry long broken.
I want rhythm and beat,
rhyming galore, but flowing,
so fleet, off the tongue of my keyboard,
into your minds, drilled bore
never to be filled but left void,
never to be lit up or explored
save by my depravity, the
wanton insanity that is my quest
for eternality, for remembrance
for the suddenness by which
a heart attack do prance
tip toeing around your soul,
twisting it in, and lithely
make you beg for the encore,
even still won't be satisfied,
I'll become who I am,
The best version of myself,
Ravenous, more, than any lion,
Tiger, or engorged man,
Nay, even if I look down upon highest perch,
like The Raven itself,
Even if Poe himself, were to raise up again,
Weeping, claiming oh, John, your poetry,
Nay, your beating, has me breathing,
Still will I deny that drum,
Even then will I be empty,
and so this emotion that I am releasing,
Will self servedly do nothing,
You can not destroy that which is not living,
Only close your eyes, and forget quickly,
For if you let my greatness roam,
Oh upon your shoulders I will loan,
my delicious insanity upon the world,
And the toll my greatness,
shall collect,
will be worth more than all the gold.
And I'll simply just,
waste it away,
In search of some greatness,
greater still!
Some vision, some sign,
that is meaningless except,
like happiness,
In the pursuit, never to be found.

Ugly bird, you see,
I'm too perceptive for these games,
you Seek.
I can tell in your eyes, within my demons' dream,
That you are many things to many people,
A wish, a woman, a genie, a lover, a slave,
And nothing ever to be possessed or,
To have value, nay,
only fleeting, like the wind, void of essence,
and so I made a decision, long ago,
To let your wind swirl around mine,
Coming and going like nature doth please,
Uncaringly gazing into a cruel,
Empty world.
Fault nothing of yourself,
Just my eyes that are seeing,
My mind that is thinking,
And my heart that has long since,
Stopped beating.

Oi, Wisdom,
The price payed,
To exude was too much,
the innocence lost
is just impossible to recover.

Suffering only, And yes failing,
Notice all the wise men though,
Are no longer men of action.
They know better how fruitless,
Their efforts do be.
All they have left are their stories,
In blind hope that someone will listen.

Indeed, I would trade all my wisdom for,
My blissful ignorant self to,
Come back again,
Like an old lover turned round the corner,
Smiling to meet you, coincidentally
Out the river bend.

Worse still, I can tell,
That me has flown off never to land,
Within,
And that I can see my future me,
Losing my current lack of knowledge,
and becoming stubborn on some forlorn path,
Thinking wisely,
This is "right", this is "best",
This is the path of least resistance,
the path of my success,
And oh my intelligence,
And hard-earned, worthless wisdom,
Will coalesce, but still even then,
In just thinking there is a way,
More still will I lose my very same,
Essence.
And that is a true shame.
*******,
Wisdom.
I ought to be young and dumb,
Again.

Breathe a little in,
Oh, little boy, let it all out,
Put the pen to the paper, man,
And maybe you'll have someone to listen.
The letters can be your imaginary friends,
Close your eyes, they'll even smile,
They'll adore you.
But I won't, and when you go outside,
All you'll find is rain.
There will be no parade today,
No, not for you, nothing but pain,
Numbness, right before the drum,
bang bang bang, oh you have so much to beat,
but still, no one cares. Not even a peep.
The walls stop answering, little one,
They took away your bed so where will you sleep?
Your dreams scare you awake, the things inside you,
Tormenting your future, kills who you could be,
Don't worry, smoke this tree,
It's herbal, medicine, a natural remedy,
Just what you need.
The twigs will listen,
breathe in so deeply,
Maybe they'll stay,
Maybe you won't be lonely.
You just have to pay,
Breathe out, money, money,
get that green, green,
But what is the price of your own,
Worthless freedom,
Getting high with the clouds,
Till the anchors weigh you down.
Your ship no one scrubs,
Your boat no one floats,
Your mast no one will touch,
Your rudder is covered in rust,
You are going nowhere,
You are good for nothing,
And no one cares,
The truth laid out to bare,
Is you are without love
And even the bud is gone.

Oh this is a confession,
From my empty heart,
I don't love you,
Anymore,
You aren't even my *****,
No, You are nothing,
A friend, worthless, without meaning,
A couple hundred miles away,
Never to be nearer,
But what is this,
I don't want to be alone even still,
You cheated on me, broke me,
And even then, I didn't feel anything,
It will never be the same again,
I tell you this, and you know,
But still you stick around,
I tell you I'll never feel anything romantic for you,
Probably ever, and still... you won't leave,
And I can't keep myself away...
Why?
Because even still,
With all you did, and all I said,
All I've felt, and not felt,
through all our dysfunction,
And our respective insanities,
Still... I don't want to be in the dark,
By myself, with no tent, no light,
No one to tell my scary stories to,
My mind is too daunting, too deep,
Too dank and decrepit, No where to hide,
Just my own monsters to follow my own,
***** little hide,
I'm so angry at myself, for my weakness,
And yet all I wanna do is give in,
I look at your face and say,
To my worrisome self,
Oh that is the kind of girl I wish,
I could  have introduced to my mom,
The dead broad that haunts subtly,
Someone that, I'd be lucky to call mine,
A body so lovely,
Hiding a mind just as crazy,
That I find myself contemplatin'
How,
Even if it was a lie, another lie,
Even if it was a cycle of pain.
But I didn't feel anything the first time,
Why should it change,
No only my pride, lies in wait,
Between you,
And my next mistake.

Tip toe, all around me,
Tip toeing all around you,
Don't step on my feet,
You already stepped on my heart.
Inch a little closer,
Too close.
Now get far away,
But I still see you,
I want you a little nearer.
Tip toe, tip toe,
Your cute face right over here,
Just right, just right,
Secluded there,
From my body, my heart,
Not enough, not enough,
I want a little more,
Just a tippy toe,
It's fine, Right?
I see you lying there,
Lost from what you did to me,
It's okay baby, we are all,
****** up,
broken,
wanna be human beings.
Ouch that hurts,
***** get out,
Tip toe your *** on,
The **** out of here.
Or... wait.
Stay right there.
I'll tip toe right back over.
Inches and tips,
Never feeling just right.
Love is one,
Ugly **** *****.

My place in the world,
Small, fleeting,
Stressful, insignificant,
Oh, but blissful, rewarding,
Earning your keep,
Meeting your goals,
Dealing with people,
Getting better every day,
Mastering your craft,
Oh the paycheck ain't great,
And I don't have a fancy education,
Nothing a book could teach me,
Or a teacher lecture me,
That could reach my core,
And fill the emptiness,
So I left.
And, now, like every American,
I fell down at some point but,
Yes, I'm Free!
Yes I'm finding what it means to,
Pursue being happy,
And I hate that you don't wanna be here,
I hate that you don't want to support me,
I hate that my journey takes me,
Far away from you,
I hate that, you look down upon me,
With half-fond memories, stained by,
All the hasbeens and could beens,
And almost was's that we were,
That maybe if I'd just never fell,
Maybe if I hadn't wasted that year,
Maybe if I hadn't needed you so much,
In the worst of ways,
Oh my if I had just stayed the way I was,
For a few years longer,
Your ghost wouldn't be here haunting,
Scathing, judging, from so far,
so near.
I need an exorcist, darlin,
you are my demon, you are my fear,
you are my nightmare, my everywhere.
I hate that I met you, that I loved you so,
To this day, pathetically, you are the,
one piece of my life that,
will always be,
missing.