Always wait 'till it's gone
Always blind even when taught
Always deaf even when sought

Only looking back at what was
Only pilling bricks on my walls
Only gulping bile in my rue

Coulda had, coulda got
Coulda grabbed, coulda talked
Coulda laughed, coulda loved

Emptied comforts, emptied joys
Emptied rooms, emptied possibilities
Emptied mind, numb false serenity

Only broke up by
Intense flashes of
Sanity.
Disgust.

Happiness scares me
it truly frightens
a pitter-patter, pitter-patter
thumpening of the heart
I cant breathe, cant see
I want to run away
I dull the emotion so I no longer
have to feel this terror
oh god its everywhere I cut it cut it out
ah thats better its gone shes gone its gone
isnt that so much better I can stand and sit alone
my knees dont feel so weak, just numb
i like numb it fits so much better

Ah I love the sadness I love the catharsis
how do these people go on in their lives
in their pursuit of happiness
doesnt it scare them? don't they feel that fear?
I don't understand I don't understand I don't understand
Am I the one that is wrong? Am I the one that is broken?
no one ever thinks like this, I think
So therefore I'm right to think it's them not me
The logic is cold and comforting
warmer than a blanket, more nourishing than a womb
but not joyous no, not delightful
just a release, a pressure eased, a knuckle cracked, a muscle popped
a dark room with a cold breeze
a lone mountain with foreboading clouds
a lover gone, a possibility erased
ah-- bliss, in emphatic apathy
I am safe

What an Auspicious night my friends,
    What a day in fact,
What a life
What a reflecting Knife,
What with it’s ticker-tack bindings taught with rife,
Yes with the moon’s self served cursed light
That’s right down into my very soul
The pull of which yearns evermore for yet
Another empty ***** and tet-tet
It gets what it rents, it bleeds what it brecks,
It feeds what it mets, is leads where it regrets
Oh yes my friends
Oh yes
What an auspicious night
What a day in fact
What a death


And you wake up alone
In the village you built years ago
Not as you as you are
But you as as you were
Or some oft changed memory of, like soft spun tar
Molded shaped and bent,
Broken in fact by the ravages and scars,
Of nothing, of no one, of nobody,
Of everything, of everyone, of ever body,
All humans, all animals, all life
No people, no beasts, no strife
The cold carcass of the molten sun
The future the past of another man’s son,
What does it mean, what does it mean,
You turn your head in the village
But every stone is me


The night ends to the rise
Of not a start but a doom

Luck is gone Love was a chemistry
Engineered and now revereried
Lipple lap the gods they laugh
As the dice has been cast low and strung
Aye further now you’ve fallen but higher you have come
You split yourself in pieces unbeknownst to anyone
Even your own mind unwitting to the deception
As the chortles bortle onwards ad nauseum
This prophecy disintegrating as it goes on
What is left what is left
You sat there alone for years stuck
This is just the price to pay
For the dam of time to unbrook
What an auspicious night my friends
    In fact
What a day
In fact

"Mother?" Say the child to it's mom.

"Where, oh where, does the platypus come from?"

The woman smiled, and laughed,
and she told the story of where the platypus did come from.
To her sweet, darling, little one.

Once upon a time, there was a duck. And the duck was alone in the forest, because its family had grown up much too much. So the duck went to look for someone, to make his own little family with. The duck just wanted a place to belong, you see.

So the duck went to the lioness and said 'Miss would you like to make a family with me?' But the lioness was proud and scornful, and turned the duck away.

The duck was sad, of course, but he was much more saddened to think that he'd be alone. So he kept on going until he found a deer. But when he asked the deer, she ruefully claimed she already had a family. And that there was no place for a little duck.

So off he went.

He asked a spider, but the spider had a home.

He asked a walrus, but the walrus couldn't be bothered.

He asked a cat, but the cat just laughed.

It came to a time when the duck had asked just about everyone in the forest if they would love him. But right as he was about to give up he came across a stream, and in there a beautiful little otter was there waiting for him.

'Oh wow... uh' the nervous duck said, 'What are you doing there?'

'I'm looking for a way to make a home,' She said, 'I've been looking all day because I'm all alone and quite lonely.'

The duck swaddled and gleefully said.

'Well I don't know if you'll have me, but if there's no one better, you can take me in your stead?'

'But otters and ducks don't go together,' The otter complained.

'And why not? You're a little better under water and I'm a bit better on land. I think we could make a good team!'

'The forest will never accept us,' she continued, but--

'Will you?' The duck interjoined.

The otter sat there puzzled for a moment, and simply said,

'I'll try.'

"And it wasn't easy, my dearest little one. Love never is. It springs up in unexpected ways, and finds you caught unawares. You may find your love in a place you never would have thunk. But it is out there, if you're willing to search for it. I promise you that much."

"But... wait, mom! Where did the platypus come from?"

"Ah. Of course. The duck and the otter went on to have many children, a platypus each and every one. The result of their love was the perfect child, someone who could combine the best of them, and someone who could finally make them a home."

"Wow... mom, that is amazing! I wish I could be a platypus!"

"Hmm? But didn't you know, little one? The otter in that story is me, and you're my perfect little platypus who gave us our lovely little home."

The Mother embraced her child,
as the duck watched at the door, happily forlorn.

Beautiful pink petals,
supple layers of humanity.

So close
but so thin.

It hurts that we cant reach other deeper.
We humans are just so,
weak, after all.

So we try to cover our weakness on others.
You press your wet entrance to mine
but we can't connect.

It's lacking, but baby it's all we got.
It's cold inside, but girl all I can feel is your heat
and I am no longer dying.

There are tears down your eyes,
but I can't take them away from you,
I can't pull my self apart.

I'm just a reaching empty void,
trying to find a way to drown you down into my heart,
and my weapon is a kiss,
and I think that I'm winning,
Until you pull apart.

I saw you just the other day...
you know my days and nights they are
blending together more than I might like.

People say they are lost. But I am found.
I am found lacking.
I am found empty.
But I am definitely here.
I am definitely watching.
Thinking.
****, you haunt me.
That stain, that sigh, that lie.
The fear, the joy, that cry.
The letter you wrote
The songs we sang,
in the night,
in the night.

What was your name?
Where did you go?
How have you been?
Would you, like to,
try again?
Are you happy?
What's it like,
do I stay in your heart
Or am I washed away in the tide,
in the gives and pulls
of a younger time.

Yeah, I saw you there,
and I must admit,
it all ran through my mind.
I saw you there, back turned,
but I knew.
Even in front of a Hello Kitty store,
I--

And then I walked away.

It's that last sound on her lips,
that little whisper on that phone call,
the affection and warmth that lingers beyond.

It's just the way she said you were adorable,
as if you were cared for,
for the very first time,
that maybe you thought to yourself,
maybe this is alright,
you didn't think it then,
you couldn't you were speechless,
powerless, weak,
as of yet untested by the vestiges of time,
of the loss of even that connection that line,
you had no idea of how uncomfortable peace could be,
of how ruinous letting your hear love,
could be. You just didn't know. You couldn't

So you sat there, and smiled, and
you couldn't see your face but you know your eyes shined.
In a light that hadn't been seen before,
That you're unsure if it has ever shined since.
You listen to those light piano keys,
on random youtube videos,
and each and every melody takes you back,
and it's just that last little sound on her lips,
just that last little whisper on that phone call,
The affection and warmth that lingers beyond,
When she said,
"I love you."