I've been called a wandering soul.
I visualize my care flowing away,
floating on a little river.
Everyday the river waits for your reflection.
The rain stopped and the sun shined.
Am I ready?
I can sense how close you are.
I think you know it.
I find a misty course of the river to follow.
I hit a roughly-mowed bank and bounce off.
Bobolinks and Grasshopper Sparrows.
They sit upon the overhanging branches,
watching my progress.
The old fields on both sides of the river converge.
And the ride is all over.
Nothing mattered anymore.
I only wish it lasted.
And things were going so well...
Climbing up the slippery cliff face,
As I really need to sleep,
I catch a glimpse into the life I wish to be apart of.
But I think that's just.....okay.
In fact I think it best
to see no difference.
I can contemplate my entire life,
left in the pitch black tunnels of my mind.
Am I wrong to feel that?
Like putting a price tag on dirt.
I just can't stop.
We parted, then collided;
but it wouldn't change a thing.
Reaching the pinnacle,
I stand there wet and drenched with earth.
I took the first step.
Trying positivity, for once.
How many more?
Let me find a pen.
I feel like an intruder or maybe a burglar.
I guess I'd rather be whole
walking barefoot and insouciantly as I can.
I want to help you,
as broken as i am now
by something you said.
Light up the twinkling stars before the humming sun escapes.
Don't be so ******* yourself.
With the warmth in your hands
glue the pieces back together,
that small ounce of hope.
I'll try to put it simply,
I've never felt happiness like this.
I've never felt safer in anyone's arms.
The clouds weren't meant for the ground.
Try and leave the nightmare.
Whispers in the air from a forgotten dream,
a world with no options left, disappearing into obscurity just to escape from all this.
Monsters do exist, I've seen them.
Bigots know their place with select souls available, a social desolation.
The world I see changed, but unchanged....
With old ghosts kicking down the door.
I believe that hope saves and destroys,
I believe in money and prestige,
I believe that absolute power corrupts,
I believe the meek are doomed,
I believe in pessimism,
I believe in creation, regression and transformation;
I believe in basic human rights,
I believe that originality can be found at any random direction,
I believe that every sane and logical being on this planet has an obligation to look at every fowl, disgusting, obscene abuse this world can produce,
I believe in empathy,
But I also believed in Santa Claus at one time, too
I remember waking. A terrible thought occurred. Knowing I'd done something wrong. A joke gone too far. My good light refracted. We were to laugh and hug and eat cookies. What could be better? Fractions of lyrics bring me back:
"you don't know what you've done to me,
you can stare; but I can't go on..."
I still remember you with great clarity. A longing that brings physical pain.
"May come to me from shadows of the past
that I'll remember till the day I die"
Telling you how I felt wasn't enough, it seems.
"black is white, up is down and short is long"
I didn't want you as mine. You are not an object to obtain. You made the loneliness, well maintained at this point, take a well deserved walk. The first good feeling I'd had in a lifetime. Gone now. Leaving a gift, unopened. Leaving me with the rhythmic ticking. Forever.
ripping wounds appear in my mind
in the form of ash;
Tucked between my lips.
They swim around me.
It's not what I wanted, it's not the way it was supposed to be.
A life barely lived.
"They all quit you," the voice says.
Tradition over the mind.
One long hit;
a raw, beautiful pain in my throat.
Winners never quit,
or another of thousand cliches.
The zippo ignites.
...don't worry, it won't hurt...