A SERCHING SOUL...

How do I move forward, when I was told always to take a step back?
How do I break free, when my only view is through the crack...with in the walls?
How do I remain composed, when my minds racing on fast forward?
How do I relax within a crowd, that makes me feel so awkward?

How do I spread my wings, from within my dreams that set me free?
How do I find solice, when termoil calls for me?
How do I climb out again, from this hell that is my mind?
How do I find self peace, as my heart is pure and kind?

How can polar opposites, both live comfortably within me?
How can I douse hells fire, and set the devil free?
How can I protect others, when its a daily struggle to protect myself?
How do I keep this relevant, not left upon the shelf?

How can I quieten the voices, that lay within my mind?
how can two souls find inner peace, when quarreling within only one?
How do I find strength and power to keep postive scope?
How do I stay tranquil, when I've lost my only hope?

To these questions I cannot answer,for you I am so sorry.
But as you do please take life slow, try not to hurry.
'Cause when you find the answers, lifes usually close to an end.
But alone you are not,  find inner peace a friend.

Derailed again through twisted train of thought,
brings me to my knees,crippled through racing mind self shame to myself I've brought.
Faster faster it races on with non logical ideas to cause pain.
My head brings dark clouds fog thunderstorms with rain.
A tsunami like a virus it's spread, infected my very wake.
So I climbed off this faster carriage to try to give myself a break.
Numbing all takes every ounce of strength,
yearning within my very soul ill goes to any length.
Paralyzed with fear of family alone, if I suceed with ending it all.
Dead inside now a numbed feeling to help me cope, I feel sick.
These cold railway tracks rusted damp and twisted lay up ahead confront me.
I no i have to board again soon as this was an unscheduled stop,
no waiting platform for me to be welcomed  by a loved one.
Alone I fight it, legs heavy, each step forward weighed down by quicksand .
I have to rise, the world is spinning,
spoken words from others jumbled.
Unable to concentrate enough to speak words to form sentances not jumbled.

Again I board the train it gains speed,
the outlook from the window a haze of green as trees and field zoom past at lightening speed.
I close my eyes ,I can hear the rattling of carriages, the wheels grinding along the track.
clackaty clack clackaty clack.
So I sit back slumped in the corner of the carriage.
I visualise my life flash before my closed eyes within my mind.

It makes sense now, I need to filter the good the bad the ugly from my subconscious.
Clear my mind wipe it blank.start again.
Trapped within the comfort of this carriage I now relax almost feel safe.I've let go.
My destination is uncertain but I will not quit.
This steel coffin upon wheels that I once perceived to be the end slows,
cla ckty c l a c k cal ckty c l a c k.
it stops I disembark.

It's then I realize I am the driver of my own train of thought. me.
Me in the driving seat alone.me.
I can control it.me
I will do it me.
My life a new platform awaits me.
I hope it is all the positives I percieve it to be.
I can do this.me.
I am now free.

You stand so proud so tall,
a beacon for all to see.
You shine your light so brightly,
when the sun fails to light the way.
You stand guard, upon a craggy cliff top,
offer a guiding path to those lost.
A helping vantage point to prevent tragic depair.
upon stormy seas small boats are tossed and thrown,
upon frothy tides far below.
Prevent lives being ripped apart,
on rocks, the unknown fear by saliors most.
You are a beacon but fail to boast.
You know nothing else but to guide others.
Without ego, repression of self worth,
you no not of heartache, but are the heart.
You are not lonely, yet you are so alone.

Unselfish yet kept by the lighthouse keeper,
maintained by one that knows the importance of your light.
A pleasurable sight for many a sailor,
 when suns set upon distant watery horizons.
Offering a nurturing warmth,
a glow welcomed across blinding darkness to those that need it close.

You are the lighthouse in the storm,
the guiding hope across the sea.
You are the one to reunite sailors with family who are loved by most.
You are a beacon but fail to boast.