Not too long ago but the wisdom still alluded me
And not be Frank, I was never one for the Ocean and sand.
So the salt in my lungs, your gaze into my eyes was new to me.
Scared but not enough to tell you, I took your hand.

(The waves felt good on my coarse skin.)

No TVs there, it was Remote.
The locals wagered on a pair of dice.
Coladas with two cubes a pair of ice.
I was living in, and you are my Paradise.
Everything I wanted and more, but still not willing to sacrifice

(I rebel, I rebel)

All that was asked was reciprocation.
She said” Boy just say my name, that’s all I want”
“ Show me joules. Life, Love, and Dedication.”
Told her “ stop trippin” She said ”why you front?”

(Time Passed)

All that was asked was reciprocation.
But society’s serpent wouldn’t let me. ( Boys aren’t supposed to feel)
Eve’s whisper led me to condemnation. ( No room for my pride)
Wiped the Salt water from my eyes “Just don’t forget me.” ( she apathetically pointed at the door)

The rain fell

… I’ll never forget raindrops I felt, that night I plead with you
Same raindrops I felt that first night that I kissed you.
And I cannot lie and say that I don’t miss you.
…That I don’t miss my paradise.

But – sometimes stories don’t end the way you want’m to right?

(Lost Happiness, Lingering Pain)

I miss you

Right hand to god, Left hand holding the remains of my heart.

Where do we stand?

We’re cool enough to check up on each other even though that makes me sadder./ Cool enough to make small but not enough to talk about something that matters

. I wanna work it out, but all you seem to want is space,/ i just wanna tell you how I feel ,and the feelings you had for me seem to have faded without a trace.

I love you so when you when I ask if you wanna talk and you tell me “I’m not free today” I try to have patience,/ but the thought of you with someone else got me Layin in bed like a mental patient.

I don’t know what to do because it kills me inside/… I see your snapchat story of you and other guys.

I wanna flip out , carry on yell and cry/ But all I can do is be jealous and sit at home as my chances passes me by._

So I sit and wonder , when does patience turn into a missed opportunity?/ When does respecting your space turn into you foolin me?

When does me offering my heart become not enough?/ when do I stop trying and start givin up?

What do you do when there’s a chance your love went from something special to unrequited?/ When does it go from holding a flame to going to parties uninvited?

I had a dream about you. Gentle grunts pushed out of your lips as my hands wrapped a compress around your aged skin. Bullet wounds had become a mundane part our days, as did new spaces.  We were assassins, on the run from any type of law. Evasion and hiding were all we knew at this point. That and each other , and frankly that’s all we really needed. Eventually we ensconced ourselves in a little flat in Marrakesh. Haunted by the beams of sunrise, we spoke about everything from simple quandaries to wistful thoughts of our past life together . Recurrent remnants that only revealed them selves when I saw you look out coldly into the distance. You told me about how much you used to have a crush on me. I told you how I struggled to learn Russian. “Это не простой язык.” You smile , the little things always make you smile. As we kiss ,a bang on our fortified door happens. The sûreté nationale had us cornered. I panic, pondering. How did the find us so quickly !? A swan like movement was all it took and in a moment I was ready with an Ak-47 in hand  and duffle bag of cash on my back. To my surprise I looked over and saw you lounging on the chair drinking the last of your scotch-whiskey, head seemingly clouded. I was confused. The door was on the verge of being breached and with an  accent originating from south Staraya (acquired from years of missions in the motherland ) you speak. “ I’m tired of running, Isaiah.I’ve spent my whole life running, Ive spent it hiding and repressing….thinking and crying. I’m tired of that.” I grieved for those words as they left the solace of your thoughts “ When I was a child all I ever wanted to do was play, but they wouldn’t let me. All I ever wanted to do was be free!” , a cold silence fills the air “…but they wouldn’t let me.” Your pain reminiscent of time long ago in place very far away

A séance ensuded in my mind as I recalled a version of you and I that had retained some, if any innocence. Tears cascading down your tawny skin, you wept to me just before dawn had set. Life to you became unbearable as you reveal all the things that brought pain. Telling me stories of ****, neglect and so much more in your youth. Not to mention the trifecta of abuse by your parents, leaving menatal, physical, and emotional scars for many day, months, and years to come.” I just want to  leave” you whispered into my chest. In a calm reflective tone I asked” where would you go?”  You whispered “Far away.” Dawn had just begun and rays of sun snuck through the blinds of my apartment in Fullerton. “ What would you do?” Without thinking you unborrowed your head and gave a stare of passionate indiffernece to the world and eveything encompassed in it. ”Anything I want”. We shared a silence.

The thought of loving someone with all my being used to scare me. I used to have mild fits of terror, shocked by how it can destroy a man from the inside out. It just seems like a black hole. So it holds good logic that by the time I realzied what my heart held dearest was you, I couldnt do much about. It was malignant. Seeing your face that morning and knowing how you felt brought me to a place of desperation. I knew then and there that I’d do anything for you. So I made promises, I told you that we could go, that I’d run with you, and we’d never look back… and thats exactly what we did.

 That is to say, I wasnt proud of what we did. We went from average citizens to killers for hire. But I was happy with what we accomplished, for we had captured paradise on earth. We didnt answer to anyone.We didnt need to worry about relatively anything and most importantly we didnt have to do anything we didnt want to do. We were free, or at the very least, as close as one could get to it.

Snapping out of my momentary trance, I see you move and hear the breaking of the door. Berreta in hand you took to your feet and aimed at the door. “They’ll NEVER let us be free, so-” I aim my AK at the remains of our door way and reply “ We must take our freedom .” In one final solemn moment we shared two sets of final words “je t'aime —–.” “ я люблю тебя, Isaiah.” Instantly the room was raided, Shell casings rained down , cleansing all impurities.



We died. We were free.