Two cups of coffee at midnight was a bad idea.
At least I am not alone in this room,
I have my lonely feelings to keep me company.
I could reach out to you
except you are probably at some radical party
(because you go to those now)
making out with some girl I used to be friends with back in the day
when things went okay for me
and all I have
is this stupid website where I can
post mediocre and sub-par scribbles
at a half-*** attempt to feel important.

So I won't disturb you
or you or you or you
and anyone else who is off enjoying their lives
free from restrictions
while I am stuck in a box,
shapeless and undefined and constricted
and all kinds of filthy words
because it is 2 a.m.
and I really should not have had
those two cups of coffee
because all I can think of are filthy words.

I look at you when it is safe,
and try to pick out
any old semblances of who I
fell in love with.
I see nothing.
Maybe it was all a figment of my imagination,
something I dreamed you to be
and willed it into reality.
That would make much more sense,
considering the fact that
this poem I write could be addressed
to more than one.
I sense a pattern here.
And yet they tell me it is not my fault,
but fool me once,
twice,
three times,
four...
Maybe it really was my fault
and it was never there to begin with.
Maybe it is my fault.

I walked for eternity
and could not find one place
to sit and rest my tired bones in peace
that did not have car atrocities echoing in the distance
and did not have styrofoam cups poisoning the ground.

For once, I would like
to know what it would be like
to find a clear creek and
scoop up the crisp water
with my bare hands and naked soul
and drink its essence
without disintegrating
from the chemicals.

Who will play the river and who will play ocean?
That is to be determined, although I can stretch farther than you.

Where freshwater and saltwater meet;
that will be our special place
where love can flourish.
Biodiversity has never been lovelier.


Let's hope that no dams keep you from coming in to me
and destroy our sanctuary-
our estuary.
But you know how it is these days.

undeniably facetious obstacle
that's what you are to me
something I must overcome
well you have alienated me so much
you might as well call me an extraterrestrial
yet you are the one who abducted me
not the other way around
but practicalities are useless with you
at least there is life on other planets
so I will get into my spaceship
and blast as far away from you as I can

Let me trade in my smile for fangs
And my feminine fingers for paws.

Let me trade in my manicured nails for claws
And my curly locks for silver fur.

Let me trade my heart shaped mouth for a long snout
And the freckles on my nose for whiskers.

Let me trade my curves for a round, bushy tail
And my clumsiness for strength and agility.

Let me trade my tears for whimpers and barks
And my voice for howls in the night.

Let me trade my dinner reservations for hunting down a moose
And my poor senses for keen ears and a nose.

Let me trade my soul for a different one
And become a friend to the moon.

Let me live my life as a wolf
And all that it encompasses.

Let me symbolize the dawn and the dusk
And let me symbolize the converging of light and darkness.

Because that is wolf,
And that is what I see, when I look in the mirror.

My dog thinks there is a scary monster
living in the closet
but really it is just our vacuum
I wonder what kind of things
that live inside the closets of our minds
are really not that scary after all
maybe they aren't even monsters