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 Nov 2014 Jeremy D Scholz
holyoak
no one believes in me
no one thinks that i can see what i want to be
no one thinks i can do even one thing on my own 
they say i have no ambition 
that i left home with no ammunition 
to fight in a war of attrition 
with no foreseeable outcome
but i'm not cattle to be herded
i am a voice to be heard 
and listened to
i will accomplish so many things 
i will set out to be anything
i will be set on the highest pedestal 
my life will not be some humorous spectacle
my dreams are so much more than skeletal 
i'm more than the hollowed out bones that no one knows 
where nothing but emptiness grows
because you don't know me
you don't see that i'll be free to scream
so take me from these demons
i am no longer the old shirt 
left hanging in your closet 
i am no longer a speck of dirt
floating aimlessly for you to witlessly grasp at me as i head to see the minds that i can change 
my voice will be heard from the high heavens to the depths of hell
my words will mend the broken skin that we all live in
my ideas will free us from the suffering and the covering of our eyes 
and i will not just be believed in
i will be known 
and you'll wish i could see you

[holyoak]
our love is my daily coffee
the first thing i look forward to
in the mornings.

the only difference
is that i can't add sugar
when our love is bitter,
and you've always had a thing
for liking your coffee black.
 Sep 2014 Jeremy D Scholz
holyoak
your heart was always out of reach
and mine was always in your hands
but if you listen closely
you can hear my ribs cracking
to the rhythm of your breathing
your grip tightens 
my heart screams 
you laugh
i beg
you lie
we fight
"do you think I'll cry?" I ask
"you know I'll try" you counter
the sky darkens as you smile
nothing unusual 
i think about when I paced my halls
at three in the morning on a sunday
and how it was just like when 
you pulled me underwater 
and it felt like I was breathing fire 
and suddenly you're talking about
when we first met
in that church parking lot
when it started something
that was anything but holy
and I laugh at the irony
it was better than any poetry
i could ever write 

[holyoak]
I have become a mirror. Reflecting the smiles
of others. No thought is my own. Only a mesh
of arms that helped me up or held me down.
Essays traded for certificates. All science or
established old philosophies. I pilfer inner peace
from the Buddhists. I map my memories by
the names of streets. I eat my food from the
production lines. Maybe I should invent my
own language. Maybe then I will say things
differently. I will only draw in the dirt. Avoid
the arrogance of permanence. I would only
lose out to the weeds and meteorites in any case.
It has been two decades of a borrowed self.
Whatever was mine has been stolen long ago.
c

— The End —