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Melancholic pale moon, lovelorn shy ******,
kept on peeping from her corner of the sky,
through the window we left deliberately open
knowing her curiosity, as detained ever, to be solitary.
Let her find out that we both didn't sleep
or remain quiet , not a moment, all night,
as the night sky responded vehemently
in celestial pyrotechnics to our delighted squeals.
~

remnants of
afore night’s grieving
before her on the table lie,
echoes of her sobbing
tears from last night's cry;
boxes of his cards,
handwritten letters,
a schoolboy’s pictures,
the wadded tissues
lie in random crumples,
for his silent laughter,
his fading whispers;
the one remaining lock
of hair she used to rumple;
the invisibly present
drying tearful brine
to table salt reduced;
the how remembered,
the when recalled,
the why that's yet
to be deduced.
each a remnant of
her softened weeping,
each a minder of
a mother of a sorrow,
a son-of-a-gun,
don’t-know-if
i’ll-make-it-to tomorrow,
reminders of
a yesternight’s cry;
the remnants of
afore night’s grieving
that on her table lie;
the six-years-ago,
still-can’t-believe-it,
never-ending-long...
goodb­ye.

~

post script.

"her smile...
’tis the thinnest veil o'er a razor's edge,
it can ne’er conceal her bleeding heart..."
like the spiraling whirlpool
like leaves bowing to winter
it's palpable, predictable,
a seasonal forecast...
guess it's just
that time of year.


*for Becky,
for Tonya,
for Andrea,
for all
grieving mothers
everywhere
~

these words from a friend
jar me from my glass-eyed read
"even if we are not aware,
we live in memories" 
and in response i write,
"i often feel watched
by my loved ones passed on,
as though they are aware
of my every movement and deed,
peering over the portals
of a nearby dimension
as one from a portico"
watching what before them lies.

fellow members of a "club"
you didn't volunteer for,
didn't sign your name to,
you know firsthand
the longing, the aching,
the wishing and the wanting,
the praying and the begging,
the "take this cup" imploring,
remove it far from me,
the "i'm down on my knees
begging you please" plea.

grief...
a mournful response
a saudade for
what will, what can
never be again.
a shadowy wood,
where the seekers lie,
where lovers come
when lovers die;
where hope once lost
can still be found,
where signs and wonders
from beyond abound.
where man can touch
the face of God,
where the path to freedom,
with all it twist, its turns,
brings new meaning
and opens new doors.
within this forest
there lies a pool
from which to drink
and be renewed.
healing waters
in abundance here
to wash away
the bitter tears;
the lonely hours
here spent bring peace,
its lovely flowers
are rarest sweet;
the dancer learns
her steps again,
the singer finds
his inner voice;
here hearts unfold
and bare the creases,
here anxious thoughts
and anger ceases;
and psalmist's soul
here finds relief.

~

post script.

*thank you Bala, for stirring my morning contemplation time and helping me to reflect on what i have, as being a part of what i have lost. 

"saudade"- though sharing no English equivalent is best understood here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saudade

as apples of gold are wise words... indeed!  my fellow poets, you are a grace to me, a gift i did not heretofore know of; the door to a contemplative.forest i had not previously known.  thank you, to each who stops in to make a kind, a generous comment and sometimes add a very thought-provoking word. i am grateful today!!
 Feb 2015 Jennifer Humphrey
Rai
You hold me so close
Sometimes it takes my breath away
Hold me now and never let go
Some times I fear the future
Because its something we never discuss
Its like a wall that we need to climb
So close and yet
Give me a foot up and Ill look over
I promise you will be the first to know
If I have the guts to tell my truths
Entwined in your arms
You are like the missing piece to my puzzle
I don't think I ever want to stop loving you
There is no escape from this place
Motivation is zero
Movement only takes us closer
Only a promise of tomorrow can break this spell
And so be it
I love hard
And fall harder still
You mesmerise me
Like a feeling of enlightened after a spiritual journey
Sometimes I feel vulnerable  
Not sure where this is leading
But unable to let go
Unwilling to ask questions
of what lies beyond the thoughts that you hold
Warmth lingers
Until tomorrow my lover
I would wait a million tomorrows
If I knew for sure you would be here
One last piece of my puzzle
And I am complete
reflects smiles
mirrors pains
its beauty beguiles
entertains

wakes up heart
opens door
transcends art
furthermore

swells in vein
its maddening flow
drops as rain
on parchment glow

once seeded within
grows deep root
makes you come clean
speak only truth

soul's inked beat
pearls dug from deep
in true spirit
have it worshipped.
Poetry is a spirit; they that would worship it must worship in spirit and in truth.
(E.M. Forster: The Celestial Omnibus)
playing outside
in the frozen air
we didn't know
what we were
doing
didn't know
where we were
going
You grew so
beautiful
I beheld you
there
saw your face from a
far
You had forgotten
I was alive
just a wild poet
you had written off
a playmate, from your childhood days
as you
moved on your way
through your rich and seedy
days
your mind
your look
your talents
moved you through
to what you thought
you knew
you wanted.

We were both still
so free
I had fallen deep
into the blues
I spent far too much
time far too confused
while you walked
on water according
to the news.

You were playing Reno
on a cold winter's
night,
much later
at a backwaters bar
called "Night Times
Delight"
I walked in
you walked in
childhood grins
over Hendricks
gin
hands touched once
lips touched twice
we danced out there
on that
night
we were just
children there
playing outside
in the frozen
air,
Body heat
creating steam.

Maybe it was
just the gin
fingers touched
you went
your way
fingers touched
we went our ways
childhood answers
on a winter's day

It's hard every once
in a while not to
see your name
the only place I
come your way
is in your deepest
dreams of childhoods
refrain
laughing outside
in the frozen winds
two melting snow
angels are all
that remains.

For you I'll always
be there
For me I'll be
someone who cared
we'll be an aging memory
in this bond
across our time
in the ether
we'll play our lines
and in our dreams
it'll always be
and in our dreams
we will always see
a childhoods
winter sky
alive.
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