"I want you to promise me something. If you love someone, you tell them. Even if you're scared that it's not the right thing. Even if you're scared it will cause problems. Even if you're scared it will burn your life to the ground. You say it. You say it out loud. And you go from there."

I remember the first time someone explained to me what the word gay meant.
We were in middle school
Playing on the swing set behind Stoy Elementary
"He’s so gay," she said
Bitter disgust poured out of her mouth with every syllable
I could not think as to why being happy could be such a horrible thing
And so I asked
My exact words being
“Whats so wrong with being happy?”
Now both my friends looked at me weird
“Don’t you know what gay means?”
“Doesn’t it mean to be happy?”
“You’re such a little kid, gay does not mean happy. Gay is a boy who likes another boy”
I stood there wondering why it mattered so much that a boy liked another boy;
why it was such a distasteful thing.
And why it meant gay couldn’t still mean happy.

My fantasy.
I would love that one guy, who holds me tight in the middle of the nights,
And kiss my forehead when I'm down.
I want him to hug me from behind, he penguin walks with me.
He comes to my locker and walks me to my classes,
He'll rather sit with me in the blazing cold, waiting for the bus.
He takes my hat, tries to act all cool.
I want him to snuggle with me and a watch two hour movie.
We fall asleep in each other's arms.
I want to lock hands with him, lay my head on his chest,
Feeling his heartbeat.
His eyes staring into mine.
I want to have a tickle war with him,
He wouldn't have to open the door for me and carry my bags all the time,
I can do it too.
I want to play with his hair, run my fingers through them as I play with his little ears.
He can lay on my stomach while I pet his head slowly.
I wouldn't care if he had tattoos all over,
His face is pierced and his hair is dyed.
I want to text each other sunrise to sunset, say the randomness **** ever.
We can give each other piggy-back rides.
I want us to feed each other while making a mess,
Have water fights and food fights.
We'd video chat everyday.
We'll tell each other secrets, call each other Kermit and Ms. Piggy.
I want to wear his sneakers and walk everywhere with him.
He can come to me if he needs to cry on a shoulder.
We can be ourselves with each other,
We wouldn't have to worry about Valentine's Day or marriage.
I want to beat him in video games,
Go to concerts and scream till our throats are parched.
I would buy him bracelets of his favorite bands,
We can eat ramen noodles instead of fancy restaurants.

My fantasy is being bestfriends with my love. <3