Tomorrow

Tomorrow will be a better day.
It's such a beautiful sentiment, really,
that I want to repeat it again and again in my mind.  
And I'll listen and hear it anyways-
even when things go crooked-even when my light gets diffracted and when everything goes upside-down.
Tomorrow will be a better day.
I know it.
I believe it.
Tomorrow
will be
a better day.

i don't think i have ever said sorry,
or looked at him since then.
it remains a secret to the world,
i forget sometimes too.
until his face appears,
or hers.
and something in my heart hurts,
so much that i swallow my words
and look away.
nobody can understand what it was.
dumb love, people say
among teenagers.
but dumb love doesn't last years,
but can be counted in days.
my heart still hurts

tonight we reminisced
about pets loved and lost and a few that we
found again. and though
decades
have gone by, and we have travelled roads
with different destinations, we're still brought
back by the fur babies that made our
home whole. our source the same,
we
will always be held together by at
least that much

When does strength mask emotion?
I'm so in control I don't feel the need to write.
Yet, I want to.
A place for me to admit my short comings,
A place to merely be real with who I am becoming.
A woman who doesn't settle,
but hides behind her face.
No one will see this pain.
Suicide before they see me cry...
No. That's silly.
Life is a bigger and better adventure than that.
Then why is it still on my mind every week?
At some point I'm alone and something happens...
It points out a fault, a short coming, a failure ..
Then my mind wanders to all the pain,
the lies, manipulations, loss..
and I can't hide from that truth.
That behind this mask,
no one knows me.
This too, is my fault.

true love,
is supposed to last.

he said that he did not love her.
but i know that he does.

that's why we ran back so quickly,
although i walked slowly behind the others.

his lies don't fool me,
i know about her.

he must think i am clueless,
for he still believes i'm okay.

i wonder if he believes i will enter his new life.
i won't even look into his face.

this smile i have could fool the world,
and i'm glad it fools him too.

for without it,
he would be too ashamed to stay in this house.

homes are for people who love,
houses are for ones who pretend they're okay.

my family lives in a house,
that will never be a home.

people who really love,
do not turn away.

they think,
before being overcome.

i may have popped into his head,
while he "shopped"

but only for a second,
until he chose what was most important.

himself.

a toxic sludge,
sentient,
slugging towards oblivion.

drown my blood in crud.
stain every cell
opaque
with ink.

why fight
when you
already know
the outcome?

let go.

the struggle
is futile, suffering
is inevitable.
forsake hope:
we're all born
expired.

give up.

death is one
last gasp.
breathe deep.
swallow the muck.
coat my lungs
with mud.

passenger, pass away.

no matter how much i need him,
i must not pick up the phone.

for tomorrow,
i will regret it.

when the sun rises,
all will be okay.