People come and people go
The problem is when they leave
They're not very happy
Why is it I'm not much of a social person
I try my damnest to please everyone
But that in itself has never panned out
Should I give up on the social scene altogether
Making friends is hard to accomplish
I give of myself but they want more
It seems like they're not satisfied
I believe that if I stay true to myself
That in itself attracts others
But I find it difficult to open up completely
And share what's going on
Should I have to
I feel I have to keep some things to myself
Like they keep some things to themselves
It's all confusing
What the hell do I talk about in the fist place

Tortured, oppressed
So many questions to ask
Why all the suffering?
Where do we go from here?
Can we ever escape the pain
The soul-sickness in our guts?
Can we ever get to make sense of it all
Or are we just always going to feel lost?
The time is coming to throw in the towel
Let go and and let God
It ain't ******* right to hold on
And let the enemy ***** us over

I feel so much better
Since I surrendered the hurt
The guilt , shame, and remorse
Are only a dream now
My life is going somewhere
Don't know where
But it's going to be good
Way better than the life before
I ended up hurting others
By the way I acted
So much I said and did
To cause others so much grief
I was out to decieve
Honesty wasn't part of my make-up
Lies I told to others
Made it hard for them to trust
They knew what I was about
Trying to pull a fast one on them
Just to get by
Now it's different this time
My actions need to prove that
I don't need to be at the bottom
God has better plans for me today
Or I wouldn't be here
Now I need to stand up
And show my intentions are right
Instead of always making a fool of myself

Going the distance
Don't want nothing to
Stand in the way
Of your dreams
Don't let it
Keep the pace
It's worth it
O so worth it
I dreamed I was going
To be a writer when
I was fourteen years old
I took the wrong path
For a lot of many years
Don't let anyone
Or anything
Come in between
Your wishes of the future
Please don't take the wrong road
I was lucky to survive
A lot of folks don't get
That chance
And they end up dying
Stand tall
And keep the course

Do you see me now
So invisible I have come
There are ones left behind
So friendly in their disguise
And I have wiped these tears
So many times from my eyes
It's like what did I ever do
To be crushed under the weight
Of your high and mighty attitude
No one deserves to be left alone
Thinking all the time
And these thoughts aren't good for me
They penetrate my skin
And send sounds of screams to my head
What did I ever do to you
I guess I'm just not cool enough
For your clan
I just don't understand
How people can be so insensitive
I write about junk
But I don't take it out into life
I take life into what I write
If that makes any sense?
I'm not popular by no means
Never had a click by my side
All I ever have done is chase people
Wanting their attention so badly
How can I be such a fool?
Starting today
I'm not going to chase anymore
If I have to survive lonely days
Then so be it
It's all has meaning
Yet I don't get it yet
I guess I'm just stupid
To expect anything from others

Crazy
I feel it in my bones
Hazy
My eyesight is alone
Forever an ignorant man
Not much do I know
Hard to understand
Backward emotions are a show
Kicking the habit
What the hell was I addictive to?
Oh, the alcohol was it
My whole world was taken away

There isn't anything funny
About the way you talk to me
It seems like you're being mean
But that's okay if that's the
Way you want to be
I can't ******* change you
I can't change anyone
I wish I could
But I know that's just a dream
Callous and hurtful
I've been through it all
I've taken hard knocks to learn
If someone is that way
It's best to let them go
And let them find someone
Else to ******* bother
Don't want it that way
Would rather the person change
But if they must act that way
I don't want them ******* around
So I prefer you not to be around
Leave me ******* be
Stay the **** away from me
Go somewhere else
And take your nonsense with you

The darkness has it's grips on me
Trying to suffocate the life out of me
It's a slow and painful existence
I want to run and hide out
Keep the darkness at Bay
But no good has come from that
The darkness becomes that much more angrier
And tortures me that much more
I stand up and brush off the dirt
Put one foot in front of the other
And look the darkness in it's nothingness eyes
And find some hope in life, it's everywhere
If I will only look instead of wallowing
It's out there, I have been involved in it
I'm just too ignorant to realize the beauty
A talk, well nowadays, a text back and forth
From a family member helps a lot or a friend
Listening to my kind of music helps a lot
Watching my kind of shows helps a lot
Especially ones I just started watching and
Have been out for a while and I think the
Series is over with but I'm just getting into
Staring outside up at the blue sky and
Realizing spring is right around the corner
Washing clothes and being thankful that
Even know I don't have many I still have
Some and that's more than I can about others
But I did there for a period just had the
Clothes on my back and I should of been
Thankful for that but being in self-pity *****
Having a bed to sleep on is a bright spot
Having a roof over my head to sleep on
That bed is a beautiful thing. The
Darkness can try all it wishes to ***** the
Beauty out of my life but it just never will
Because feelings are always going to be
There, that's just part of life, and when
The haze clears from my head the beauty
Is there and I'm thankful for that. Whether
In self-pity or wallowing in thinking God
Or the Universe is out to get me, the beauty
Is always going to be there, I just have to
Open my eyes some and see it all around
And everywhere.

Why is the world so ****** up?
Am I adding to the **** up ness
Or am I contributing something
The sad truth is I'm adding chaos
There is no peace in me
Turmoil and despair is all I see
I think positive
Only to have it come crashing down
I've spent my whole life taking from the Universe
It's no wonder why things are the way they are
Karma has a huge role in it
Cause all I think about is me me me
And not focus on the other person
I am sometimes interested
But for the most part it's about me
So sad that I can be that way
How do I possibly change
When all I've ever been is extremely selfish?
I want to give back to society
Everyone has put up with me for far too long
I feel it's my duty to show my gratitude
For I am still breathing fresh air
And not locked up
Or in a mental institution
Going beserk
And the final outcome
Dead

The pressure is on
I feel torn
No where to go
Can't step to the flow
It hurts to ponder
Wonder
Why I turned out the way I am
I try the best I can
But it seems like it's not enough
I act tough
Though deep inside I'm unaware
Just exactly why I'm scared
I walk this road all alone
Trying to find a place to call home
My thoughts over reach their bounds
What comes around goes around
Karma has a way to unfold
It's justice prevails I'm told
And I have experienced it first hand
It something I don't quite understand
But it's still there to judge me
Only darkness I can see
Can't escape this spell
I'm living in hell
I cry out to release this pain
But it just won't quite go away
Something is haunting me from the inside
I just feel like I want to cry
Curl up in a ball on my couch and die
My heart weighs heavy with despair
It seems like I'm lost out there
In my insanity I cringe
I can't seem to escape this sin
All along it was my insidious Hyde
Torturing what's left of my mind