I wrote you the other day, but you didn't write back.
After all that, you can't even pen a paragraph?
But I get it
You're not like that
Be tough, grow up, and fight back
I was taught that, you needed to defend yourself
You need to act now
I took this the wrong way
Began to act out
I thought I was being cool
I loved the attention
Which brought me to my very first detention
I wrote you the other day, but you never write back
I figured, "Hey, it's okay. Your busy, I get that"
But I won't be forgotten
I won't be a mishap
I won't let your knives pierce my back
I'm a different now
I won’t lie down
I’m gonna stand up and be loud
Hurt me all you like; I won’t be quiet
I made a promise to stop being violent
I intend to keep it; No hiding
From someone as cold and pale as December
I guess what I'm trying to say
I never sent your letter
I know I made a mistake
But we both know that it's a little too late for change
I don't know how to make this hurt less without losing purpose
So
The message here is
I am not saying I don't care
And
I am not saying you're worthless
Simply, that you're worth less.

I remember feelings
I remember how much I hated how strong they were
how much of a hold they could get over a person
twisting and pulling you down
until you're on your hands and knees
wanting to shut them off, and sometimes you can
and its all good, until they return
and you crumble and fall.
Nothing good ever comes from feelings
they all cause pain in one form or another
I've come to find its easier to turn them off
because I can
they're like a light switch to me
all under my control
on and off
and on
and off
I mean I can't be suicidal if I can't feel the suicide
*right?

Dear curvy girl,
I see you looking at your thighs with burning hatred. I see you look at the skinny girls like they're gods but nothing tastes more like heaven than slices of cake I swear
Dear old best friends,
I miss you so much and even though we aren't talking I just want to say thank you for everything. Thank you for the memories and laughs, it ***** with out you all but just know that you're always going to be important to me.
Dear ******* who broke my heart,
I hope you get your heart ripped out of your chest so hard, you can barely breathe and I hope I ******* cross your mind so you know how much it hurt me.
Dear Dad,
there's so much I could say to you. I hope I'm making you proud and most of the time I wonder what life would be like if you were still here. I miss you so much and love you even more
Dear boy that I'll love in the future,
hug me and kiss me all over, tickle me even when I tell you to stop, make me laugh so hard I cry. Most importantly treat me like a ******* princess, tell me constantly how beautiful I am even when I try to tell you different.
Dear Mom,
I can't live without you and I hope to be as strong and caring as you are. You always have got me what I needed even when money was tight and when I get rich and famous. Money won't be an issue.
Dear me,
learn how to love yourself and try not to think so bad about yourself. You have such a beautiful smile that lights up every room you walk into but you can never see it. Laugh as much as you can and live each moment like it's your last.

I told myself I wouldn't fall for you again
because ******* for leaving me the first time.
I bet you didn't know but when you left you took apart of me with you.
seeing you with her killed me inside,
you didn't know because we haven't talked since last year
but ******* when she was lying to you, cheating on you
I just thought back to when we were together and
how ******* stupid you were for not being with me
and how I could've gave you the whole world and all of me.
Saturday when we were laying down together
I kept telling myself in my head
"don't ******* fall for this *******, it's only a one night thing,
remember how easy he left you the first time."
but when you put your hand around my waist and fell asleep,
I couldn't help but stare at you and think maybe this time is different
maybe this time it'll work out
but when the next day came,
you didn't even say a word.
this was a one night thing to you
but to me it felt like it could've be so much more

the most self-destructive thing i have ever done
wasn't the red slashes on my arms
or my bruised knuckles and broken walls,
it was the moment i made someone my happiness
and my beacon of light.

It's being stuck in a dark room
Separated from the light of happiness, by a cruel locked door
That has a small viewing glass for you to see
What lies on the other side,
Within your reach

It's having what seems like an entire ring of keys
To open the door, yet they're all the same key

It's refusing to stand up,
To take advantage of the little bit of light
That shines through the viewing glass for you

The little bit of light that'll show you
You keep recycling the same key
Over and over again

Because you use the dark to see

I want to be a poet
I want to paint pictures in people minds
Use my fingers as paintbrushes
The palm of my hand my canvas
I want to be able to trace my words with utensils of artistry
Make tedious muddled letters become beautiful pieces that tumble off the tongue with ease and elegance
-
I've always wanted to be a poet
Ever since I was younger I would create stories
Let me make a memory of when I was just a little girl toppling over piles of crispy brass leaves that daddy raked in piles
Dancing in the rain as it melted my insecurities away from my expanded existence
-
My mother told me I would make a good poet
Look at my master piece mommy
I used to place words upon words telling you that I loved you as much as down comforter kittens or saying you reminded me of pollen covered petals that disembark on my rose flushed cheeks
-
Look mommy I finally wrote you a poem
But you can't read it because I don't need to to hear the wrath of your rage
Terrifying roars flying out of your mouth as if I'm being being pushed off a rocky edge free falling from sandy ridges and broken dreams
Fretting that you'll take it the wrong way but sometimes the wrong way is the right way to make it your way.

But mommy I've decided I am a poet,
my fingers my paintbrush& palms are my canvas.