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I'm sick and tired of catching flak for other people's actions.
Just because I'm timid doesn't mean I have more power over other people,
it only signifies a level of discipline attained within myself.

I am tired of being lectured on behalf of others and their indiscretions;
they are not my mistakes to reconcile.
I am tired of being a middleman for the melodrama
of my fellow spoiled Americans.

I've tried to mitigate, but it only agitates both sides
so I say "**** it. They're your issues now."
I hope you made good use of my efforts,
because now they shall no longer be imparted in this regard.

My patience has been abused and worn thin;
not just by others, but also by myself.
When the bottles empty
The trains fly past thee
Homeless on the corner
Eyes are so lonely
Suns going down
Wind brings the fields alive
Trespass on the earths plains
Constant water flowing like veins
Stretching out like the roots from the trees
Capturing the living
Words spoken so softly
The bottles still empty
Fall passes and winter rolls
Coming down like meteors
The fields are smoking
Burning cigarette ashes blowing
Rising and falling
Slow melodic refrains
Seeping under the bed frame
Red eyes are closing
The sandman is crouched on the night stand
Can you feel the rain?
Warm hands around a temple
Sharing the night
Looking through the window
Now knowing which side is which
Incredible, the mind body and soul
Floating in and out of foggy weather
Ghosts treading through the leaves
Yesterday
I went to the beach.
As I walked down the hill,
I saw all of our friends
swimming, jumping, and laughing
in the ocean.
Once you layed eyes on me,
you ran out,
water dripping from your shirt
and swimming trunks
and glistening on your olive skin.
You insisted on spending time with me,
even though you could've been in the water
with the rest of them.

We walked all the way down the ocean
and climbed steadily onto
the wet rocks.
Ocean foam splashed upon them
as we sat there, hand in hand,
sometimes with your arm
slung over my shoulder.
We talked and laughed and had fun,
and at that moment it was so relaxing.
I didn't want to be anywhere else
except there, with you, in your arms,
surrounded by the beautiful scenery.

We stayed there for a while
until a family politely asked us to move
so they could snap a family picture.
I remember they were all dressed
in a light blue -- one that accented
their forms against the roaring waves
of the ocean.
We climbed back off,
and every time I thought I was going to
slip, you caught me or helped me
by grabbing my hand and leading me
along, all the way down to the pier.

All of us went to watch the cruise
ships pass by.
We waved frantically
and watched their smiling faces wave back,
a nice, warm growth of their departure.
Then, Hannah said,
"This is such a Titanic moment,"
which I then realized once
I stood on the concrete,
the waves just below me,
as you grabbed onto my waist.
Hannah and Todd,
Me and You,
Josh and Alecia.
We all let our arms flair out,
as if we were little birds getting
ready for flight.
Behind us, you hummed
'My Heart Will Go On'
which made us all laugh
like hyenas.

After, we walked back and played
vollyball for a while.
I have to admit, I wasn't good at it
at all.
I never could hit the ball high enough
over the net, and I was actually
making our team lose.
Thank goodness for Todd;
he was on a roll,
slapping the ball onto the sand
with a hard tuff,
making us score 5 points in a row.

After a while,
I gave up and decided to
go into the water.
I didn't go all the way in;
just up to mid-calf.
I stayed there and
dug my toes into the moist
sand as clumps of seaweed
floated past, and looked out into
the deep blue sea that stood
before me.
I couldn't help but think of freedom,
of wondering what it would be like
to be a bird.
The wind smelled slightly of
old people, salt, and fish,
which was typical for our
Florida beaches.

You thought something was upset
or something, I suppose,
because you came and swooped me up
from behind.
You wrapped your arms around
my waist
and nuzzled your head into
my neck. The wind
wouldn't stop blowing,
so all my curls flew into your face,
but I don't think you really minded.
You stayed there with me,
abandoning the game,
and at that moment,
I kissed you.
I turned around and planted
one on your lips,
which were wet and
tasted like salt from the ocean.

Once we left,
I could still taste the salt
on my lips. It was like
a reminder of some sort
of what a wonderful time we'd had.

Definitely a night I
never want to forget.


a.m.
In the brilliant light, he stood
By the door, waiting on the hood
My baby smiled, a smile so honest and true
Quickly I found my way into those arms I knew
Body of warmth, strength of steel
Height and build contradict his feel
His eyes graze my skin
Over his love, take me in
Unrealized and indescribable beauty, from head to toe
Unbelievable and unconceivable heart, his alone to know
In this look he did hold
The promise of forever told
A love of light and time
A love through darkened slime
Hand in hand we strolled the walk
In the evening air we did talk
Talk of play and strife
A venture past to present and future life
On a blanket under the star's sight
He held me long and tight
Match of perfection
Truly one in love's descresion
Lips of silk formed a like
Each kiss felt deep, ever so fine
Warmth encompass me, love so real
Slow and deep, in passionate kiss I feel
The span of forever, he sealed here
Whispered come closer, we've nothing to fear
Deep inside the fire grows
Released from a depth so low
Gentle hands soothe my hair
Frees my soul in the cool evening air
His gentle touch, so full of love
Takes my breath, sweet lord above
All worry, fear, and thought quickly disappear
His presence I feel now, his presence brought me here
A fire so strong it makes me glow
Sweet passion taketh over when love doth show
They dubbed me a flirt,
The dictionary says something else,
Someone who passes suggestive comments.

But I've never passed any,
But I've only plainly complimented,
Someone & anyone who deserved compliments..

My mistake is just that I'm truthful,
My pitcher of years has never been empty or full,
Someone can relieve me from this burden I carry on my chest...

I just got into a frenzy and killed all of them in my heart,
Yes they're the ones who misjudged my character,
I just put a nail to the coffin prepared.

I'm unsure how I'll survive without friends,
But I know who is to be blamed for it,
What you call God & me, myself.

Not certain about my righteousness,
But I'm certainly not wrong,
I'm a harmless guy.

But would they ever realize,
What they broke inside me,
Was greater than my heart.
Probably just had their fun,
Something they always seek,
But I'm not at all a cheap flirt.
© Atul Kaushal
I’m in a relationship
with the man
working behind the counter
at the post office

though I have yet
to determine
the nature of our pairing

he asks me how I am
as if fumbling for words
on a first date
i reply quickly fine fine and you?

he nods disappointed by
my urgency
and half-hearted smile

moments pass in silence
as we chew on our respective entrees
he looks at me questioningly
i stare down at my phone

a slip of paper is issued
I sign it he counts out the money
I stare at his chest hair

instead of placing it on the
counter he carefully slips
the notes and coins
into my outstretched hand

for that singular tactile experience
before our time is up
his soft blue eyes

always expectant
impatiently drink of me
without my acquiescence until
I leave there

awkwardly drained
knowing that
he’s watching me go
...As one we
clapped and laughed
at the things that
others might cry upon
We drank and got drunk and
feasted on what we thought was
forever
It took seven days to
get rid of the hangover
but we knew it was worth the
pain and shame to walk
blindly into the night
We talked about things that
didn't make sense but we
never cared as long as the
fire burned
And burn it did the rumors
like bushfire,
yellow and orange and
wild
So we panicked and ran and yelled
towards the sun with  
a smile...
Mek
01.02.13

Those were the days...
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