What if I am wrong about tomorrow and the day before
And everything I think is true, I find is not
Will my world just stop revolving, spinning all around
If I discover, that I am just a dot

A dot among the billions, existing in this day
Thinking that we all hold the truth
That everything we know inside is self-evident
And we don’t give a **** about the proof

What if I find that my beliefs are just a fairy tale
A mystical illusion, that all the other dots create
That no matter how I live my life and what’s inside my heart
I have already been dealt a hand by fate

Tie-dyed psychedelic swirling thoughts
Mid-day nightmares tied in knots
Jagged edges of broken minds
Untamed beauty so unkind
Honey sweet and sappy places
Charcoal eyes on empty faces
Inside ugly seeps through perfection
Blocking daylights warm reflection
Chasing nothing standing still
Raining brimstone breaks the will
Held fast in place by testimony
Indecipherable real or phony
Undependable instincts and cloudy vision
Inhibits any and all decisions
Hand-mixed daydreams light and creamy
Candy coated happiness, all is dreamy

Clouds roll in and thunder roars
Tears, they fall in rage
burning rivers down the face
Of the once innocent
Humanity ripped from souls
The heartless rise
The careless linger
What was once is no longer
What should be, never was
Ineffectual words
Counting down to nothing

The more I
see You
The harder it
is
The longer
I’m away
The more
I hate
But the
second
I
see
you,
I recognize you from down the street,
i forget my anger i can’t stop smiling my frustration turns to
hurt
i don’t know what to do
but
The more I see you
The harder it
is.
so.
the longer I’m away
i can just keep hating you.

Telling my friends
I don’t know what you mean
You’re leading me on
How can I be wrong
They agree still but I can't
Block you out
I need you in my life
You’re a part of me now but
The more
i
see
You
The harder it is.
The longer I’m away
I get to keep hating you

But i don’t want it to
Be like this.

When you joke you sound so serious
And I never seem to get it until it’s too late

You like order and tradition
I listen to Christmas songs in July.

Our moods never seem to match
You seem to thinks that that’s just fine.

But I don’t understand.

I’m always worried, it seems,
That I’ll somehow let you down
And in doing so, I’ve succeeded.

I always do the best that I can
to look good for you
you complain, “it isn’t needed.”

You’re family only likes the ‘Normal’
Whatever that is
But I stick out like a sore thumb.

From my hair and it’s ever-changing colors,
To my jeans with their pictures and quotes,
...That are drawn on with sharpies...
and the paint stains that cover them from time to time!

Because of all of this, I worry.

Am I too weird?
Is my rainbow-like hair too odd?
Are my drawn on jeans ,
My crazy belly dancing skirts,
And pentagram necklaces,
Simply too strange?

What of my love of olives?
And how I ***** up my face when I think?
Do you not like how I spend hours on my computer,
Working on one picture (trying to make it just right)?

Or how, when I choose to color my art by hand,
I walk away with paint all over me (Even on my cheeks),
And an oddly proud grin plastered on my face?

I worry, and pace,
For days on end, at times,
Wondering if you really love me.

And when you finally see me,
The weird, colorful,  oddball that I am
You smile, and kiss me,
saying "i've missed you so much!"

And I know that I worried for nothing,
That you are different from your parents,
That our beliefs live together in harmony,
That you actually like the odd faces I make when I'm thinking
and the weird colors I dye my hair,
And that you really, truly love me—

Paint stains and all.