Listing barbaric behaviors in class, for example (****)
It should be said first. It’s thought first (****)
But the list goes on and on: ******, slaughter, holocaust (****)
No one raises their hands to say it, never once (****)

“What’s missing?” Professor asks. The answer (****)
on my mind, on everyone’s mind, but no one says it (****)
Silence falls. He’s waiting. But still the word (****)
is left unsaid. Unspoken but echoing louder than ever (****)

Finally a girl raises her hand and says it (****)
But her voice drops on the word (****)
as if she can’t quite get it out (****?)

Why is it that we can discuss genocide, war, but never (****)
it, the word no one’s willing to say, to admit (****)
the crime, the word, that is too shameful to even speak (****)

Ripped shirts, bruised cheeks, eyes squeezed shut
Hands, stop, fists, no, screaming, fighting, giving up--
******.

I put up a blockade to save myself from my childhood
... to forget all the late night screaming and the white residue on the kitchen counter
It guarded out the pretty Sunday mornings and the strong rays of uv light on my mums red hair

But then you came ,
I made a home out of you
And I was so comfortable
That my my subconscious unlocked
And we had access to my mind

I remembered then , I remembered everything

On days like this
cool, with little winds
desert birds forage for sticks
they build nests perched in cactus
some build green in palo verde trees
always I think of baby birds in spring
hatchlings, the fledglings that fly
I travel far beyond the noise of towns
watch the movement of cooling clouds
the roundness of rain upon the ground
the grey banked scurrilous skies
of hurried birds, their silhouettes before a storm
daisies that close, cold amid the stones
beneath where snakes and lizards go
slither and crawl in this landscape of saguaros
and I, ever tethered can only dream to fly.

I found you 
Found your arms in the secrecy of an encroaching dusk 
In the shade of trees 
The coveted corners of quiet  
I found the hidden pieces of your soul 
As they sat beside mine 
In the comfort of silence 
Whispering through the air promises of belonging  
Of two broken pieces becoming a whole 
Two unknowns becoming the known 
Two wrongs finally becoming one right 

You found me 
As your delicate fingers ran across my skin 
Laced through the curls of my hair 
Carefully stitching the gaping caverns of suspicion in a doubtful heart 
Placing together shattered confidences with a tender touch 
Holding them firmly with the power of your affection. 
We built each other as reflections of ourselves 
As better forms of the shadows we'd learned to become 

We found each other 
With skin upon skin  
Fingers entwined 
A world away from the troubled minds we used to live in  
We found each other 
Together 
We found peace 
We discovered love.

Internet *******
Some things you get for free
With hints of bums and holes
And bunches of lovely language

A mental spelunker
I am mad when I see people
Inflexible in matters of casual lust
Who blink back in boredom

What
Is
Happening
My fingers
On
Fire
Tingling
It's hot
Too hot
I can't breathe
I
Need
Air
The world is
Moving
Panicking
Why
Can't
I
Breathe
Help
Need
Help
So
Dizzy
I­
Need
Air
What is
Happening
To
Me
Am I
Dying?
I
Need
Water
My throat
So dry
Nerves
On fire
I'm dying
I can't
Breathe
No
Air
Help
Dying
It's hot
But now
it's cold
Am I shaking?
Why won't
It stop
Losing
Control
The world
Is spinning
Still
Chest
Hurts
Why
Does it
Hurt
Am I having
A heart attack?
No
Oh God
I can't breathe
Help
I'm dying
I'm dying
I'm dying

The theory of our relationship
A complex set of numbers
Are we where we want to be?
Are we who we want to be?
What do we become when we're together?
I hypothesize and fantasize the answers.
My only conclusion?
The       distance       between       us       is       too       cold       to       define.