Have you ever felt
you loved someone that
you hated the person?

Have you ever felt
you knew everything that
you knew nothing?

Have you ever felt
the overwhelming happiness and grace that
you manifested signs of sadness?

Have you ever felt
the burning heart inside
though you are soaked outside?

Feeling feelings,
i do not fully understand
what they are
but they color the blank sheet of life –

The fireflies don’t needs us, they’re going to light up anyway
Nor does the moon care for our worship
Just as the sun rages alone and in vain in a corner of the universe
And time walks past us in shadows of memories
I don’t need you to love me, for me to love you

Every time you cry
You look so beautiful
And every time you lie to me
I believe you
It happens all the time
It happens every night
And I don't even want it to be true
'Cause then you wouldn't be so far away
And I think that I love you more
With every step you take in the opposite direction
From me

And all those things you said
You said so many awful things
You said that your smile was chained down
Deep inside of you

For every time you lost yourself
I gave you twice of me
I ripped my soul in two
One for me
And one for you

And every time I try to love you
It fails in the exact same way
It fails just like it did the first time I
Laid my eyes upon you
Reached my hand out toward you
Felt your heart as hard as stone
Colder than the Winter that you left me

I wish that our bodies
had services lights
the way our cars do.

That way,
wherever I went,
I could light up the room
the way I used to
before I got so sick.

I've never shot up ******
it's not that I'm above it
I just don't know where to buy it
and even if I did
I'm too lazy to leave my house

I used to have two ****** friends
one is dead
one got sober
I don't know which one I envy more.

i fall in love
every month or two
i never turn down
a fresh heart
to consume

it's not enough to have your love
you have to have my pain
because love is fickle
one day it will fade
but you'll still have my sorrow
happily long
forever after
I forget your name

everyone's got a suggestion
everyone has a solution
but nothing helps me sleep at night
and nothing takes my pain away

That other form of self mutilation.

Because at least empty stomachs don't get infected
And at least the high lasts longer than a few minutes
And at least skinny is in vogue
And at least I have something to focus on
And at least it keeps me from talking too much

ill-conceived pet project
some sort of point to prove

slow things down in my brain
until I have only one principle concern
and at least it's something I can control
there is no shame here
rot from the inside
crater down implode
collapse
but that's my choice
or at least I can tell myself that it is

and what was I getting at?
sorry
i forgot what I was saying
just a little lightheaded
my thoughts escape me these days
i wonder why