It's 3am and I'm struggling,
Strangling the thoughts that will obnubilate my vision
I'm trying to avoid a collision
Between my tears,
My tears, and my freshly washed pillow case
Because when my tears rear its head,
It will be hours before I get to bed,
and even then,
These thoughts will haunt me in my head
I know these somber spaces so well
They are a part of me,
They are my shadow
They lay with me,
Try not to roll over and fall in
Why?
Why does my skin have to be abiding?
Can't it just melt away, by the end of the day
Taking with it all this pain?
Because I'm drowning,
Asphyxiating in other people's thoughts
I've begun to wonder which is worse
Feeling nothing-
Or everything at once.

I hate nature sometimes.
Like sugar plum fairies
We dance
Around each other
Waiting for something to happen
Over power. Over woman.
Falling to our primal instincts
We are better than that
We are more than that
I hate it.
The way we are stubborn.
We are too busy fighting.
Fighting time
Fighting fear
Fighting death
Fighting each other
The hands of the clock ticks away
Death wraps its warm arms around us
But that I suppose is why we dance

See, there are two after-effects
For when you feel suicidal

One, you take your own life
That is, you do the deed
You suicide and all that

Second, you keep all of that away
You don't tell people
You hide it within yourself
Train yourself
To ignore what once killed you
Put all that killing away
In some monstrous, deep hole
Inside of you

Something people
Only need to catch a glimpse of,
For it isn't theirs to intrude
You learn to live with it
Day by day

When death comes,
Your eyes are blank
Your thoughts are a copy
But somewhere
Deep inside
What killed you,
Still kills you

So,
Much before this cask had been buried,
Your soul had already died
When the thing that killed you
Stopped killing you

When at night green seas touch the moon
pulling toward the shore, shiny creatures crawl the sands
in shells of watery homes, soon to drift away
swaying seaweed clings to metal rings of wooden boats and oars
Moon tides, ever pushing, pulling
transient sandy shores, and sings the light to follow
worlds emerge from dark of night, water filling up
the hollows

How is it that the body can be so sure of what to do
When the mind is clueless?
The blood in my veins returns to my heart,
I kiss you automatically,
Yet I am still so unsure.

I've never been one for clear cut precision,
In the making of decisions,
And now, more than ever, I doubt myself.

They tell me I'm not making sense,
That my thoughts are muddled,
That I am not making sensible decisions.
But, was it not those same sensible decisions
That have led me to where I now am?

I tell you assuredly, it was.

Though my mind is muddled,
My heart keeps pumping,
It is truly a wonder of engineering,
Effective machinery
With no use of an operator.

I will sit here for hours
Willing it to stop,
And it will pay me no heed.

We write*

Not for your pleasure,
Your entertainment
Or anyone's attention
We're here writing
Trying to reach something
Left unsaid
Inside of us
Something we find
For a moment
When we feel satisfied
With something
Some
Words that we have
Thrown together
In random order
Some abstraction
We disguise it
Decorate it  
But it's all there
Right in-between the lines

Why do we write?*
Hell, I don't think we know either