when i was 13,
"if your friends jumped
off a cliff would you?"
was an effortless,
"no"
because when i was 13
the cliff was a tall,
intimidating
piece of land
with a neon sign that said
"impending doom"
lit up at the edge,
but now im 20
and the cliff
comes in glass bottles
and the cliff
comes in thick syringes
and the cliff
is drawn beneath
my skin
in india ink
and down below it,
i can see my home town
and i can hear the patient voices
of the kids i grew up with
that never got out,
shakily shouting
"come down here;
it's easier at the bottom"
and if im being honest
im stumbling toward it
with an alarming
lack of fear

Can*  you  hear  it?
My chest keeps echoing your glorious name
like a mantra chanted to summon the dead
I't's deafening
My neighbors are frightened

Can  you  see  it?
My knuckles bleed as I punch the wall between us
debris scattered beneath your feet
You don't care
I collapsed frantically

Can  you  feel  it?
Our hands no longer find each other's grip
I am now trapped in an abandoned universe
We're fading
And I want to know why

Why?
I ask you bravely while you are asleep
But the truth is,
I cower
I don't want to hear the answer
Until then
Let this be an unfinished  *sentence

Hot and cold
Fire and ice
Heaven and hell
Self-destruction and happiness
Totally conflicted
Between life and death