I seek darkness
and blood
for balance
I want to breathe in fluids
and
to drown myself
in beauty
so I need shades
for depth
perception
I seek out shadows
distorted versions
of light
without which I am frightened
and blind
to its shapes

I seek pain
in visions
vivid illuminations
of horror
of second hand experiences
to shoot through my system
for dopamine kicks
that allow me to cry
and long
for reality's release

I spent my last eleven dollars on a plastic bottle of ***** sitting on the refrigerator.

It is right next to the ibuprofen and the giant salad bowl.

Last night we drank our plastic bottle of ***** in glasses.

The fools have spoken of the
Blessing of insanity as they
Stand without- gazing in through
The impenetrable glass walls to
Where I lay
Naked
Cold
Alone
To have the blessing of ignorance
And that of prideful bliss
Fools, I hiss through my teeth
And they carry on with their
Long winded soliloquies
With their twisted verbage
A show of flair, a petty coat on
An empty bottle.

Miss mother nature, goddess of earth
your grass masturbates my feet
and the clouds cushion my bedhead –

I am alive
as the plants breathe, I
can watch myself as they watch me.

I am mundane, plain, a concrete building
brutalist and manmade
but their real existence, live vines climb
and make me seem attractive…

Even as I want to be dead,
they kiss me as a husband would his
sleeping wife –

even loving when unaware, forgetting
acknowledgement
being beautiful all alone.

Miss mother nature, goddess of earth
I am alive
no longer manmade in your home.

A forgotten idea
Left behind
In the back of a mind

A note resonating throughout the atmosphere
The beginning of a sonata
Eternally remaining midair

A lingering touch
Barely felt
Then gone

Torn inside.
What to say, how to feel?
Waiting for others to show me the right path to hell.
No sunshine for me,
I am looking it from the broken window.
Distorted mind.
My feelings shattered around the room
like broken colorful pieces of glass.
Be careful not to step on them.
Now it is not time to bleed.Don't make a mess.
It is already as bad as it can be.
If you cannot help me to sort it, just leave,
I don't have time nor will to pick things after you...

I am afraid of the expression on my face,
every time someone mentions your name.
     I am scared of the look in my eyes,
every time I pass by your house.
    I am frightened of the sound of my heart,
every time I mistake you with someone.
    I am terrified of your lingering touch,
every time I dream about us.
    But what scares me to death is the thought
that some day I will say it aloud to myself
I REALLY DID LOVE HIM.

Oh my love, don’t be a dove.
Don’t check on me on Facebook.
My posts and shouts, my wonder likes
Don’t check on me on Facebook
For on Facebook I lie
I do not share my deepest sighs
I don’t post them like my pies
for people to imply

On Facebook I don’t say how I think of you
like an unwanted miscue
I don’t say how I wish you’d be bolder
and forget why you’re colder

Alas, there’s no more to discuss
for you had made a pass
because you just checked on me on Facebook