Hi Samuel,
it's me, your best friend.
you still remember me right?
I hope you still remember me.

it's been 2 years, since that incident.
the incident that makes me lose my best friend, you.

how are you in heaven there?
I hope you're fine there.

I'm fine here.
so don't worry about me.

To be honest, I have greatly improved this year. Old wounds left by people who used to swear never to leave. By an incident where I was left alone, again. By some who have stopped by. With several lessons taught by the universe.

However, there are still some wounds that I still can't close. Because I have lived in those wounds for a long time. I know all the parts. I was too familiar with all the pain. So, without me knowing, I was comfortable in the wound. I'm trying to close it all. But not infrequently I also ran towards them.

My journey isn't finished yet. I promise to stop visiting the wound. I promise to start a new story this year. Starting again to establish a sense of fellow human beings. Re-start believing the universe and everything in it. Starting over allows yourself to be embraced by happiness even though you know that sadness will come by afterward.

I still have a long way to go. After everything that has happened to me, all the sad stories are endless. All my night tears that often replace sleep. All dreams are broken by logic. My aim is still the same. I want to be happy.

The sunset is proof that the end can also be beautiful.

but that only applies to the sunset not to our relationship

Some people say the sunset is the best view.
But for me, you are the best view!

I wrote this while thinking about you. I want to write something that could describe you, that would perfectly describe you. But, nothing I'll ever write will do you justice. Nothing this shaky hand could type would be enough.

You have the whole milky way in your eyes. You have the universe embedded in those pretty eyes. Something people could only dream of A constellations of stars, rainbows, and everything pretty in this world.

You are a masterpiece. The kind that took center stage in everywhere you walk into. You are a walking painting. Even in an art exhibition, you'll beat the beauty of every single thing in them.

Universe took a lot more time in creating you. Painting those smiles. Stroke by stroke. You have the warmth of a soft hugs and everything nice showing through those smiles and I, for one, are lucky to be able to witness it.

Even after all of that, these writings will never quite do you justice. Nothing I could ever write will.

I'm tired, but I had enough sleep last night. I've had my coffee multiple times today. It's something deeper, something much harder to heal. Something that won't be solved by a good night's sleep or a cup of coffee. It's something that I couldn't help.

I'm tired, but not physically. I'm doing well physically, but I'm tired mentally. I'm tired of life. Of the universe that never stopped throwing me curveballs. That won't let me take a timeout.

It's gotten worse lately. My own body aches now. Every fiber, every tendon, every inch of my muscles all aches. It's getting hard to wake up. It's getting dark. I could feel darkness swallowing every inch of my sanity that is left. I could hear the thunderous silence coming soon.

I could feel darkness's arms slowly wrapping over me. I could hear it's a whisper, louder by each waking day. It's getting harder to walk, as every step became heavier and heavier. I could feel its coldness slowly creeping in.

This is it. This is where the light ends.

Someone once said to me that I might be not charming for the first time, but you'll get it by the time. He--my ex--also said that it would be hard for someone to get over me once that people 'got it'.

But, you know what? The thing that has been happening is, once someone got it, it would be the time when we were too close to be something else and that person would be terrified to take any more steps.

I've been someone who's way too 'precious' to those people but would get abandoned too, anytime.

Fuxx the logic about 'we wouldn't be the same anymore if we took any more steps'. Because we took it or not, people changes.

And we would likely to regret something that we haven't done it rather than what we've done. So, don't think too much because losing will be happening.