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Please find me.
Christ, there are raindrops behind my eyes
and they're pouring like the words you moan in bed,
falling, dripping from your tongue onto the pillow case we've washed three thousand and sixty times.
I've counted every breath, every sigh, every screeching word coated in temporary hatred.
I still remember the shape of the bruise you planted on my cheek;
the colors dying, flesh healing, as we spoke of the incident I so fondly remember,
apologies embedded in dancing tongues.
And I miss every second of everything I could connect to you.
The screeching words, the chanting of my name when we made love,
the wordless 'let us meet again' your hands gave me the first night we met.
I would **** to feel your breath on my skin,
I would go to church every day if it meant never forgetting your scent.
I would sell my soul to have you paint bruises on me again.

My dear, terrible lover,
Where have you gone?

Untie the knot in my throat
and sing me to eternal sleep;
lest death be the one
who hushes my need to weep.
At the end of the day
I will feel good in my own skin
At the end of the day
I will be satisfied with who I am
At the end of the day
I will have survived another disaster
At the end of the day
I will look to myself and matter
At the end of the day
Im going to be okay
Famished and Beaten
Like a broken punching bag.
I can't take this abuse.
                                       My mind tells me this.

Unconvinced or scared
To slow down and observe.
A road full of stop signs.
I look forward and move with no sign of worry.
Tickets s
              p
                i
                 l
                  l
                   i
                    n
                      g
                         from the glove compartment.

                                       My mind defines me.

Shadowed palm trees.
Dreams of sunny weather.
Snowflakes drowning the sun.
Dreams never last forever.

                        I'm glad it doesn’t last forever.

Muffles from the late night arguments.
Neighborhood dogs intruding into the conversation.
Stay out of this affair!

                                     We are not good kids.
                                     Say the divorce papers.

I hope street corner hobos
Don't whisper for spare change.
I would spare change
If change could spare me.
                                                          Change?
Rearrange the emptiness.
A reason to find time to seek.
Shadows hiding from sun rays.
                                             I am the shadow.

A discolored and obscene dream.
Wake me from the night terrors.

                            Before I scream.
I want to inject music into my bloodstream,
Maybe then
I'll feel a beat come through my heart for once.
Listening to a cover  of Twenty One Pilots' "Stressed Out".
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