always screaming.
always yelling.
always being loud.
you do know that your voice is not the only sound?

i hear the others,
not only yours.
the others in my head,
that pound and pound.
i can hear you,
there is no need to be so loud.

you can be heard
for crying out loud!
you can stop screaming.
you're hurting not only my ears
but also my feelings.

always mad.
always angry.
never at her.
but you should be,
but not at me.
be mad at her.

she's done things wrong,
but no take it out on me.
go ahead, i'm already stressed,
but come on, continue chewing at me.

make sure that your voice
is the only one you hear
make sure i don't make a sound,
why are you coming so near?

"please back up"
"please stop yelling"
"please i'm begging,"
are all things i want to say.
but i can't get a word out
you're too close and in the way.

it wasn't me,
it was her.
but you don't care.
can't you see?
she's got a wicked grin on her face,
because she wanted it to be me.

she isn't being yelled at,
why?
that's not fair.
can't you see her?
she's sitting right there.

but of course not,
it could never be her fault.
just blame the oldest,
she can take it,
she knows how to hide how she feels in the vault.

They say it’s just a hoodie.
But they don’t understand,
That this is the same hoodie
I wore when you first held my hand.

They say it’s just a hoodie.
But they’ll never comprehend,
That this is the same hoodie
i was wearing when I mentioned you to my friends.

This same hoodie only gives me a small amount of warmth
Compared to your arms wrapped around me.
Holding me close and tightly,
Never wanting to let go.

This same hoodie fits a bit better now.
I’ve grown into it more,
Like how the two of us have grown together.
Its more fitting now than it was before.

This same hoodie smells just like you.
Even with you so far away from me,
I can still have every piece of you
That I did when you were here with me.

They say it’s just a hoodie,
But there is more meaning to those hoodie
Than they will ever understand.

After people take what they want
Why do they always leave?
Some stay to tease and taunt,
But is it really that fun to deceive?

Leaving is better than staying.
Teasing and taunting is easier.
You took what you want,
So why don’t you just leave me alone sir.

Stop pulling me around
like I’m your lost little puppy.
Stop playing with my heart
Like it’s a toy.

You may think this is cool
That it’s funny,
But it’s not and it’s something
That only you enjoy.

letting go felt horrible.
it's something i didn't want to do.
she was watching us,
hawk eyes over me and you.

letting go took my words away.
i couldn't say what i wanted to tell you,
my voice only strong enough
to call out for help.

letting go made my brain go foggy.
all the emotions clouding it,
unable to get the words out.
voice caught in my throat.

letting go so soon made me miss you more.
i wasn't ready,
not prepared for letting go and you leaving.
i wasn't ready.

letting go had to be done.
i hate to say it,
but we had to let go.

if we didn't we'd be standing there all night,
held in each others arms,
enjoying the comfort of our homes.
letting go didn't feel right.

maybe if i wasn't so stupid,
maybe if i wasn't so blind,
maybe if i went back in time
and finally made up my mind...

maybe it wouldn't be like this,
because now I'm surrounded by what if's.
maybe it could have happened if i told you first,
that i was head over heels.
maybe, just maybe, i wouldn't have to find
out how this heartbreak feels.

but there's not enough time in the day
to tell you everything i'd say
in every possible way
if i had the chance.

even though i can not,
i will still take a shot
and try my best.

i'd tell you that i love you
and hope that it was enough.
and even if it wasn't
i'd pretend to be strong and tough.

i'd put on a brave face
and tell you that i care.
and remind you for the 1,000th time
that i would always be there.

i'd tell you everything you want to hear,
but the difference between she and i,
is that i would mean it
and i wouldn't leave you asking why.

i would mean everything that i'd have said,
and i wouldn't have this heart full of dread.
nor have these tears of red,
or have the only thought in my head
is that of it being better having me dead.

each note holding a different emotion,
carried across time.
held out until the very last second,
then the silence steps in.

the moon to the sun,
the sun using its light to capture the beauty within the moon.

the waves to the sand,
the waves rolling through the sea but slightly brushing the sand, carefully.

the breeze to the trees,
shaking its branches and blowing the leaves ever so gently.

the stars to the galaxy,
tiny in size but the amount of them all collectively shining, beautiful.  

the milk to the cookies,
one without the other doesn’t fit right, even santa knows.

my love without you,
minuscule and obsolete, never truly reaching its greatness and feeling complete.

are you depressed?
nope i'm just stressed.
are you sad?
no, why do you ask?

are you okay?
what am i supposed to say,
do i tell them the truth?
or should i hide
behind the lie
and say that "i'm fine"?

my heart is too far from home,
i can hear its muffled beat.
the feeling of being all alone,
your body too far to bring me warmth.

will i be able to see you again?
or will i have to patiently impatiently wait.
if you do return what then?
please tell me you'll still feel the way you do now.

it will all be worth it in the end, right?
i'll be yours, and you'll be mine.
i'd finally get to hold you through the night
and wake up next to you in the morning.

be able to send you off to work with a kiss,
and greet you with one when you return home.
oh how i miss you so dearly,
oh how i hate this feeling of being alone.

please my love,
save me from this feeling.
i'm tired of staying up till morning
unable to sleep and staring at the ceiling.

please come home...

would you dry the tears
from my eyes as they fall,
or would you stand there
and do nothing at all?

would you look
me in the eyes and say
that everything will be okay,
or would you just walk away?

what would you do
if i was sad and needed you
to comfort me and make me safe
by holding me in your embrace?

would you give me
your hand to hold
when mine was lonely
and ice cold?

can we be together
till the end of time
where i'll steal your heart
and you steal mine?

i need you
that's easy to see
stay forever
and be with me?

anger takes over
and all i see is red.
if only i could show her
how it feels in my head.

how her being loud
makes my head pound,
how her being clingy
makes me feel too needy;
because i am the same way.

moments in time spent with you,
stuck in my phone like constant reminders.

i'm not who i was then.
i never will be.

i
am slowly
falling
in a big hole filled with not
love, but
with air and
you are the only one who can save me.

h
e
l
p

m
e
.

all my sadness melts away,
i don't know what to say.
everything seems to get in the way.
i feel like i should say something,
instead i stand there and say nothing...

the quick decision
that leaves lives filled with grief.

the quick ending
of a life that should have lasted longer.

suicide is not an option
but to those of us
it's the only answer.

All writers have one really good but truly heartbreaking line.
We all prepare for it all of our lives,
and hope that it is as beautiful as it hurts.
We’re told that with beauty comes pain,
but who made that mean your worth?

Why must you strive to be beautiful,
when in the end you’re covered in scars?
For the story, the journey, the new beginning?
As the author you decide when enough is enough,
you are the controller of the ending.

Live your life,
go on the journeys,
watch the sunrise and set.
Don’t end your story just because it’s boring,
you haven’t reached the excitement yet.

i've been having dreams,
every one incorporating fire.
whether it be us sitting by the fire,
the flame of a birthday candle,
or the flame lighting the fireworks.

but lately, it seems,
the fires are not as bright.
the fire no longer keeps us warm,
the flame of the birthday candle is blown out,
the flame lights the fireworks putting on a brilliant, beautiful show.

all these are sad at first glance,
but they mean so much more.
after the fire burns out, we go in and go to bed.
after the candle is blown out, the phone is moved from view and the child is smiling with you kissing their head.
after the fireworks go off, we sit there holding hands, about to lean in and kiss on the fourth of july.

fire can be destructive,
it can bring damage that is unrepairable.
fire can be beautiful,
it has so much more meaning than you think.

you light the fire inside of me,
and that is one fire that will never burn out.

whenever you miss me,
just look to the moon.
i know i'm away,
but i'll be with you soon.

whenever you miss me,
just look to the stars.
those are my kisses
that you claim take you to mars.

whenever you miss me,
just look in the night.
you'll see the love i'm sharing
with all my might.

the night is the one who sees the love i give to you.

the moon has heard my words,
carefully picked to describe each and every beauty of yours.

the stars have been used for counting,
every single reason why i think that you belong here.
holding so much meaning, and you’d never know.

the galaxies have heard my hurt,
quiet sobs heard by those who are out there listening.
hearing just how much i long to be with you again.

the oceans have envied me,
having my eyes leak more tears of missing you than all the water of the seven seas.

the papers have held my words,
written to you just how we used to.
holding everything we wanted to say but couldn’t.

the poems have held my feelings,
sitting in my drafts waited to be read by others and for them to know.

my darling we're forever
because they all say it's so.

it's always been a favorite of mine
to see snow around this time.
watching the lights sparkle and shine,
on a green christmas pine.

it's always been a favorite of mine,
to hear all the sounds around this time.
hearing the children’s choir singing,
carrying the joy and love they're bringing.

it's always been a favorite of mine,
to smell the smells around this time.
smelling peppermint and gingerbread,
humming Christmas songs stuck in our head.

it’s always been a favorite of mine,
to feel the things around this time.
feeling the cold bite of winter air,
feeling the warmth of being next to you playing with your hair.

it’s always been a favorite of mine,
to dream of things around this time.
seeing you and out in the snow,
saying you’re the one I know.

Oh to have you around
Around this time of year.

they say that times changes you
i guess that's true
because now i don't really recognize you.

is it me or you that's hiding
behind the wall that's dividing between us.
i can't seem to tell.
it's weird because i used to know you so well
guess time changed you...

the world is moving too fast
everything is becoming a blur.
wish it would slow down
so i could spend time with you more.

so i could kiss your soft lips.
oh how i wish to be held
and kissed
by your soft lips
against mine.

to be held in your strong arms
and pressed against you
feeling the heat of your body
radiate against mine
the feeling of it being just us two.

to feel how perfectly your hand fits in mine
to be able to look you in the eyes
and tell you
everything you want to know.

to get lost in your eyes
your ocean blue ones-
no, not ocean blue
because even that is a bad comparison.

to have the rest of the world
just...disappear.
just me and you
in that moment
nothing else matters
except that i’m with you.

the world it turning
too fast at first it seems
but now that i found you
the world is moving at the perfect pace
i believe.

the world is moving too fast
everything feels wrong
because it feels rushed.

everyone loves the rush of adrenaline.
it makes you feel alive.
but the rush of depression
only makes you want to d i e .

i believe that when we're born,
when our souls are created by the universe,
we have beautiful, elegant wings,
and we're all beautiful and elegant things.

as we slowly fall to the earth,
little pieces of them are stripped away,
feather by feather until their gone
and what we start with is only what we have on.

every year we grow older
a piece of what we once had
begins to be replaced.
those little pieces of us are no longer erased.

don't get all your pieces,
everything is happening too fast.
don't put your wings back on,
none of us are ready for you to be gone.

some try too hard
while others not enough

depression taking me away
nothing left to say
but goodbye...

i dreamt of you.

i didn't want to,
didn't want you to haunt my days,
didn't want you to take my dreams,
didn't want to think of all the ways,
didn't want to rip away at the seams,
didn't want to waste my tears,
didn't want to leave scars,
didn't want you to be the cause of my fears,
but i did.

i dreamt of you.

i have nightmares.
my demons are chasing me through the dark,
getting nearer and nearer
until they swallow me whole.

i have nightmares.
crawling through the darkness,
slithering in their snakeskin.
i try to hide but no matter where i go
they sit with me from within.

you can't see the demons,
but you notice my scars they leave.
some are small,
others are so
d
e
e
p
that they bleed like the oceans are pouring from inside.

we all have our demons.
we all have nightmares.
you are the beacon.
the light to my darkness.