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 Dec 2018 Lilly Mavis
Allison
I hold the feather’s weight of your artery in my pick-ups,
and tiptoe the tightrope about which life and death abuts.

You’re a 2 AM trauma and we still don’t know your name,
the social worker’s thin lips had mouthed: “estranged.”

I read your anatomy like a text as you flat-line:
your hands turn blue as your heart falls still in mine.

The monitor hums "out of time," but by Epinephrine,
and Grace, your chest resumes its rise.

I leave trauma bay in prayer: for the surviving, not the knife;
for the closeness of my hands in your chest, our joining in this life.

Tonight I see you at the Kroger, buying TV dinners and beer.
I hide behind cereal, admiring the life I’d held dear.

But you look so tired, and my heart breaks for how when you died,
I would’ve sold the shoes off my feet to buy you more time.

I wish you knew how precious was each of your heartbeats,
I wish you the wisdom of my view:

How fragile the stent is where your veins meet.
I know I was just a game
Player 2 felt just the same
Scared of my window
And my Windows
Worried by empty streets
And data sheets
Are my files compromised?
Or is it just my brain,
CPU rotting again.
My abuser was a hacker, specifically doing malicious hacking from time to time. He no longer does it very often, but there's lingering paranoia that he might be hacking into any of my devices/accounts at any given time.

— The End —