I know how I see myself
but
I can't stop myself from wondering

who am I in the eyes of everyone else?

when someone asks me a question
during a discussion in CWP
and everyone hears me
as i stumble over my words
in the center of that quiet room,
trying to answer the simple question-
"how does that makes you feel?"
and i wonder,
how does my stumbling and stuttering
make them feel,
about me?
does it change anything?

Or when i go to bed
thinking about
the conversations i've had during the day
and wondering how those friends see me.

I've never asked,
never had the guts.

My self esteem has always been low
I've always hated myself,
Sometimes i just hope
the smiles are true,
the friendships, true.

I've never asked

Who am I?




©Brandon Webb
2012

The pain is felt
As she, the preeminent archeologist knelt
Before the porch
And the holder of the torch

Of a land, once beautiful
Protected by the dutiful
Vibrant cultures which would fall with a thud
A price paid with disease and blood

From this would rise a new culture
The ancient morsels scavenged by this vulture
Manifest destiny was the rule of the land
Smothered and choked by a cold hand

Created by terror, torture and fears
Remaining in place for hundreds of years
A promise of liberty and justice, but not for all
The reason for this culture's eventual fall

This was not the story her digs appeared to tell
For liberty was the name of that cracked bell
Hymn's proclaiming the land of the free
And a constitution that begins with "We..."

As she gazed towards the sky
She could not fathom why
What on earth made this lady cry?

"Give me your tired, your poor"
Welcoming all upon her shore
This was the message upon her door

Gazing upon her once hopeful eyes
She soon began to realize
Perhaps, they were not all knowing and wise
And for too long believed their own lies

It was this realization
Of this ancient nation
Which helped her see
The tears shed by she
This lady...
Liberty

(C) Shawn White Eagle

Walking on shattered beer bottles from the night before
Ducking under every head beam that grazes my hair as I pass
I wonder when you’ll understand
How us normal people function

I am passion

You are death
You are darkness
You are alone
And forever will be

I’ve tried to show you the way
Where people are nice and in love
You choose your way though
Because to you, it’s the only way

I wonder when you’ll open your eyes.
When you finally let the happiness into your heart
I know I won’t be there for it.

I hope one day you realize how badly I tried
All I wanted was a smile, a kiss
But you were disgusted,
Disgusted with love.

Maybe it’s just me
But my sudden need for adivan says otherwise
I can’t relax, I can’t love, I can’t be
With you

As badly as I want to, I know it’ll never work
I love you with every piece of my body, soul, mind and heart
But you’re killing me
From the inside out

I don’t know how much more time I have.
Last night I woke up gasping for air.
You’re crushing my chest, my lungs
My heart.

I wish you could feel the pain I feel.
What you do to me, its torture.
A battle between reality, love, emotions and words

I’ll never give up
I won’t die a zombie.

A heartless, cold, self-centered, narcissistic, overbearing,
Overwhelming, condescending *****

That’s the best way I can describe you.

Today, I thought of you.
Your laugh, your wit.
Your ability to walk into
A room of strangers,
And be the only one
To start a conversation.

Or, maybe-I thought
About how, no matter
The circumstance-
You’re always more
Composed than me.
Or at least,
You’re better at
pretending.

I thought of your passions,
Your opinions, your talents.
Your ability to persevere,
In any situation thrown your way.

Or, maybe-I thought
About how, no matter
The circumstance-
You’re always one step
Ahead of me.
Or at least,
You’re better at pretending.

I thought about a lot
Of things today. But I
Only managed to understand
One. No matter what the
Circumstance-
I will never be like you.

And today, I realized
I never needed to be.

Needed more so you took what you wanted.
Dug yourself into a hole of greed.
Now we're stuck, slaves to money.
What ever happened to the land of the free?

What'd you do?
Thoughts wasting away.
Thanks to you,
We're slaves.

They will love you all your life,
And take you where there is no strife,
They will help you sew the magical seam;
And whisper "Let's be angels of their dream."

Let us pause beside the stream,
"We're angels of their dream,
Let us kiss them goodnight;
And let them see our world of right."

They will take you up to a mountain,
And you'll promise you'll come visit here again,
They will treat everybody kind;
And fly with you in the wind.

The will take you to a river,
Where time is more than a sliver,
Where time is not a broken piece of glass;
That will so quickly like sand through your fingers pass.

Where life is nothing but a dream,
A dream forever as you sit beside the stream,
A dream that you will live;
This is what to you they will give!

They will take you up into the trees,
And let you feel the blowing breeze,
Where life is eternity;
And dreams are a rolling sea.

*~Marian~