I am an untold story
An abandoned book
Perhaps someone will pick me up
Read me without fail
Wear out the pages and dog ear the corners
Highlight their favorite lines
Maybe they'll write comments in the margins
And love me anyways
I might become their favorite tale to read
With newly written chapters just for them

A genuine smile coupled with
     light-hearted teasing
Is equivalent to a nervous smile
     combined with instinctive defense
We gamble by adding a toothy grin
     which in return receives blushing
One "good morning" is worth
     a smile and groggy "how are you?"
One "awe ******" may receive
     up to two "how many steps?"
A cat-like sneeze equals a "bless you"
     but a cough is worth "are you alright?!"
So, I wonder...
     how much is a ten digit phone number worth?

I'm the front page trainwreck
You can't help but stare
You know there's little hope of survival
But you can't help but to hope
That somewhere I'm still breathing

You're a front page trainwreck
I wish I was there
Piecing together where it went wrong
And loving every beautiful flaw
That makes you

We are front page train wrecks
Beautifully crashed together
On the same tracks
Head on collision
On the Reality Railroad

Pressed lips
Gripped fists
Balled up cloth
Pooled on your shoulders

Red face
White knuckles
Clear tears
Across your chest

Silent whispers
Quiet secrets
Loud declarations
Promises in my ear

Seconds of hope
Minutes of desire
Hours of dreams
A forever long love uttered between us

Don't you believe me through
My sardonic smiles
My glistening eyes can lie too
I am happy ******
Stop telling me I'm not
Because last I checked
You're not the boss

I know it's your favorite scent
Sometimes, especially lately, it's hard not to think about you
I want to reach out but I don't know how
And I'm scared you'll just push me away because I've chosen him
But people really do change as they grow up
I want to tell you all about my days all the time
Like two days ago when my brakes stopped working
As I was going downhill in the harbor
Oh I was so scared and I wanted to tell you
Or when I had my magical day at Rainier
But I know you'd be disappointed
I want to tell you the small things to
Like how I burnt the bacon and undercooked my pasta tonight
Or how I can't decide if I love pink or orange more
Or even how much I love that new CD
And crave hot cocoa all the time
I just miss your company but can't figure out how to tell you
And I wish I could be your dryer lint and cigarette ash again

Isn't it funny that
Hookers and religious activists
Stand on parallel corners
Of the same street?

I don't use words
I don't use logic
I don't use syntax
I don't use diction
I don't use literary devices
I don't use grammar

I use emotions
I use events
I use senses
I use mind
I use heart

There was a man filled with youth
And sparked by love
For a lovely lass down the way
Every morn he would greet her
To receive an arrogant smirk
He was a man of few possessions
She was a materialistic princess
Her head was filled with things
Not thoughts
One evening while strolling through the park
The man watched his coveted lass sob
She glanced skyward and pleaded
"I've everything else in this world
But a man and the moon,
Please fulfill my wish"
The man went to the edge of the town
Lumber and hammer in tow
To build a house using only the
Few beams and the moon
He built a frame and slowly coerced
The moon from the sky
Lies poured from his beestung lips like honey
Enticing la lune from the heavens
He fabricated earthly felicities
And the moon began to believe
A celestial being had no place reflecting
Or preventing what simply must be
After building his house with moon and wood
He was a much older age
But never did he lose his sight of the lass
Who fired well with time weathering
He showed her the clump of moon shine in a jar
And asked for her hand in marriage
On the eve of their wedding
The sun blazed and flared
For the sky was empty at night now
The sun missed its companion
And struck down the lass
Then set and allowed the man contemplation
He rocked in the moon rocker made for his
Late bride to be
And stayed there till the morning sun
Used rays like bullets from a gun
To strike the man to death to
Before the building of the house
The moon was craterless
The sun was hot though and burned his dear friend
Embedding her with the face of her destroyer
This is the story of the
Man in the moon

And thought about it for a long hard minute
Back to the block it goes
Another small victory

Why don't you dig that ***** a little deeper
Drive it into my heart
Pierce me straight on through
But darling it don't hurt like it used to
I'm a big girl
That is so extremely fake
Barbie might be jealous
You are the cause for that but
Like I said
It don't hurt like it used to
Then again,
I don't love like I used to either

Unless you're prepared for hurricanes
Tsunamis and any apocalypses
Because darling
I'll make those look like
Child's play

As if there is no one in this world
Who can stop you
Live without regret

Could have been
Should have been
It's all in the past

Hold your heart tight
Do not
Fear the unknown world

A life worth living for
Is certainly a life
Worth dying for

You only have one shot
You only have one life
So tell me,

What are you waiting for?
Why are you hiding
Your gloriously bright star?

Do not hold back
I repeat
Do not hold back

This life we live
Is far too **** short
For something petty like that

I am completely consumed
By this moment I get to spend by your side
This moment that will last the rest of our lives
And I could not be happier

I believe I lost my train of thought
At the "Oh My, Did You Hear Him
Talking About Sylvia Plath Like That
Junction"
I believe I lost my guarded heart
At the station ten minutes back
Before we even began starting to speak
Of "all the possibilities and miracles"
That occur in everyday life
Even though we've "been let down so often"
Because we "still believe there's a chance
That cupid could decide"
To be kind again and honest
And we "believe in forever"
I think I lost my mind
Because I must have forgotten
How hurt I've been before
Maybe though
Someday I will meet this man

I really love you



I do



Does anything else really matter

I am healing
Whether or not you believe it
I am becoming stronger
I swore it at the beginning of the year
But you doubted me
I am growing
My health is improving
My mind is easing
My body is strengthening
I am healing
And it is a beautiful process
Filled with pain and love
I am finally learning to love me
And as I said
It is beautiful

I'm not running from my problems
But I'm not exactly walking either
It's more a sluggish movement of necessity
Filled with pain
But I won't look back
Because that's unacceptable

I'm wishing a wish
That will never be granted
I'm living a life
That has no point to it
I'm loving a love
That is unreachable
I'm failing a fail
That is wrecking me
I'm reading a read
That allows me escape
I'm lying a lie
That has become an axiom
I'm scripting a manuscript
That will never be published
I'm wishing a wish
That will never be granted

Why do I grasp at the life I cannot have?
I am forbidden from experiencing the love I so crave
The love that I gave
The love I once received

The past always comes back to haunt me
I only see ghosts of what once was
Each breath I take,
He is there in the wind
There in the rain
The sun
Here

Each second that passes I seem to be letting go
Of the reality I live in
I comfort myself with false fantasies
Of love and peace
Of my heart being whole

Edgar, my good sir, I have an answer
Yes, you can grasp them with a tighter clasp
You can save someone from their pitiless wave
But I've learned that no matter how much you hold on
You only have the memories to save
Because others do not truly care

Mr. Poe, Mr. Poe,
What of myself?
How can I save my own soul from this
Labyrinth of suffering
When I choose to hold on to
Seemingly nothing?

All day as I walk around town
Around school
Around life
All I breathe in is hate and anger

It rolls around in my lungs
And chokes me violently just
Like when I tried smoking with my
Cousins who told me they hated the addiction

And honestly, I don't want that
So I exhale love because
I can't continue to add pain to
This world that is bleeding with a need

We need to be focusing more on
Building each other, not taking us down
And we need to acknowledge that our
Self health is only as healthy as the things we say

Our words are reflections of
How we view ourselves
We need to remember that it okay to
Walk away and put ourselves first sometimes

We cannot please everyone
Nor can we save the entire world
But oh my ****
If we can't try by way of love

You can't take **** from every person
That tosses you about like
Some cheap *****
******* you over at every corner
You come across
Just hike up your skirts and grow a set
Of confidence in yourself
You have to stand up for yourself
And acknowledge your worth
Even if it ****** everyone else off
If they genuinely cared
They'd want you happy
You can't sit around waiting
Because life will pass you by
Like a bullet train on speed

Why should I fear oblivion
When I'm terrified of you
Sure, I've no clue what lay ahead
In the realm of shots in the dark
But with you
It's an endless loop of suffering
We talk
I love
You leave
I break
We talk
I love
You leave
I break
Over and over
As though it's been set
In a washing with memories
And longing
At least with oblivion
I understand that things are different
To expect nothing
Because everything can change
But you're human
You're not a monster
Because monsters are my friends
You're human and you cannot help
But to repeat history
I obviously can't either
But I don't want to fall under your riptide
Ever again
I want to jump heart first into oblivion
Take shots at nothing
And fail
But have the chance of succeeding
With you there is no changing
I could have loved you forever
But I hate shapes
And darling you're a circle comprised of
Pain, lust, and evil
I'm in love again
This time though
It's with void space
And infinite shapeless possibilities

Does the memory of me
Leave a new hot brand
Every time you hear those songs
Does the wind smell like my
Perfume mixed with smarties
Do you get an ulcer
Thinking about how I'm doing
And who I might be with
Does bile burn your throat
Whenever you drive by
Those places we loved
Does your heart break
Whenever you read that
December letter I wrote
Does your soul beg
Each time you see an angry "kid"
Ready to destroy the world
Does your mind spin
When you remember the facade
And the penny game
Tell me, *****,
Does it hurt yet

Come, take a walk with me
As I lead you down this road
Back to the place we all shall call home
Take a walk with me
As I show you the ropes
I'll teach you the bright side of the loneliest life

Hold my hand, O shattered soul
I can help you see the love
That seems to be obsolete
Hold my hand
And I will lead you through the dark
But I refuse to show my fractured heart

Look at me just once
Perhaps you will find
I'm just a reflection standing by your side
Look at me just once
There is no redemption
We are one in the same
With not a thing different

Take a walk with me
As I collapse to cry
I learned to live without love on my side
Take a walk with me
I promise I am fine
After all, we're here just to die

Oh dear
I haven't offended you,
Have I
Because that would be downright awful
Of me


Seeing as how I'm
Just warming up

"It's okay if you don't love me anymore
Sometimes I don't love me either,
I just..." choked laugh "...need to know
That you are still breathing"
Tears begin to roll as my voice shakes
Violently threatening to be heard through
The speaker,
That is if he listens
"I miss you,
I love you"
Those choked laughs start up again
"I really do and I am so sorry
I'm sorry I'm selfish and I'm
Sorry I don't always put your needs and desires
First
But I need you to know just how much I love you
Please call me
Text me
Anything
I just need to make sure you're still breathing"
*Because it's becoming hard for me to do so