as I look onto the seamless waters of the unknown
I smile nonchalantly, unsure if I deserve some peace of mind
or if I should just be genuinely happy
that I've been put in a place like this

something as priceless as the clear skies and greenery…
I am grateful
I am a child
protected by the hands of those who love me

but I am also a woman who seeks things beyond these walls
a woman who wants to live on adrenaline pumping through her veins…free from her inhibitions

am I missing out?
am I letting my youth slip away?
who would’ve known?

you don’t see these thoughts on my face
you don’t see my battle scars

oh this abstract world..

-c.s. (061218)

People like us
like to keep things from other people.
We don’t find it rather comforting
to have others meddle in our business.

But sometimes,
it’s nice to let the world know
that I am yours and you are mine.

But then--
how could we
when we can’t even make the story of us a possibility?
When we’re unsure of what’s true,
When we are but a secret?

- c.s. (070518)

If there was a chance for me to disengage
every ounce of affection for you in this day and age,
I would have done it a long time ago.

But unknowingly,
I always end up wounded by the shrapnel of your bombs,
causing me to fall down hard.
But I stand back up harder.

I wonder why I always wake up dissatisfied
with way the sun sets
or with the way the mountains coordinate with the sky---

---they’re beautiful.
I could write about them.
But there’s still not a genuine smile on my face.

How fate has always toyed with me;
twisting and snapping the very bones of hope I have kept in my closet..
How life in general is funny;
because I’m happy for a minute and I reel back into the darkness that feels like an eternity.

It has got me whining, and crying like a brat.
I have kept asking and asking,
begging and pleading--

---I just wanted my own peace,
my solitude, and sanctuary;
my own person.
I just wanted you.

But then I am just one of the buds in your flower fields
that you happened to just pick out of the blue.
And to me, you were the unexpected deviation of my usual routine
that I made a fantasy out of.


So here I am,
daydreaming like a stupid girl.
But hey, this is just me and my heart
I still remember.

And I’d live with it until I fade
Only flowing, never forcing.

-c.s. (083018)

Taking pictures, holding hands
Midnight kisses, names on the sand
I touch your face as I look at you
I’ll caress it just to see if it’s true

Sometimes I begin to wonder if you feel
These hopeless urges I so carefully conceal
Do you get a little crazy deep in your mind
Desires like a ghost, creeping from behind?

You’re my impossible, the unobtainable
Quite the charm, you’re just incredible
Tell me, how do you keep up with the bliss?
‘cause as for me I’ll just keep writing like this

I bury my head in the pillows
Forcing my eyes closed and in this misery I wallow
I’ll keep doing so until I’ve run out of things to say
Although I’m prepared for different things, oh come what may

Must I try to find my solitude with others, I don’t really know
I’m not thinking about that, right now I’m on the low
All I wanna do
is to be with you
I know that’s true.

- c.s. (102218)

The sun lights up the whole room white--
But knowing me you reckoned it’s time for bed.
Where does compromise fit in the equation,
When I gave the space and understanding,
and yet I felt the neglect?
I looked and leaned forward
to the promise of sleeping in peace,
as I bask in my needing,
and my wanting.

But I end up feeling deprived.

Good night.

- c.s. (021219)

Is it still there?
The flame. Not the fire.
Everything was fine before.
So I wonder why.

You swung the sword first,
I responded retaliation.
Both didn’t win;
we ended up badly wounded

Like the way the moon greets the sun with a passing nudge.
Creating crimson-tainted clouds
painting the sky.
Thats how we are sometimes,
when we brush off of each other’s skin---

---bruises everywhere.



- c.s. (062119)

They say I’m disconnected
that I’m withdrawn
that I wander off a lot
Aloof—someone who doesn’t conform

but what’s wrong with that?

why should I act
as if I am the same with others
when I’m trying to be myself---

---myself, who likes to think a lot
myself who sometimes doesn’t want to talk a lot
myself, who I am still trying to find
myself, who I am trying to build

what’s wrong with that?

and I can feel what I want to feel
I can be happy
I can be miserable at a certain time i need to be
I can be confident
I can be assured


I can shut down
and get away
when I feel like everybody
is draining the hell out of me

I’m just human
A person of my own
I have my individuality
ain't even stepping on anyone’s boundary

if I am like this,
what is wrong with that?


- c.s. (120319)