Hermit: Poems

11h

Fade

Hermit 11h

Fade

I fought so hard to get out of this hole
Lost so much to make myself whole
Given up a lot to give peace to my soul
Now it's as if nothing matters anymore

I'm slowly fading back to the abyss,
It stares at me and everything seems amiss
Confusion blocking my thoughts,
Like chains welded to every idea before it forms

Last time i said i would be fine
But as i sip from this bottle of white wine
Trying to forget , or maybe trying to remember
When was the last time i tried leaving this chamber?

I call it my mind but it feels like a cage
It traps me inside but now i want to fade,
Into the background where i can be free
Free from judgment , free from punishment

I look at the table where i put my blade
As i fade , i ask myself what it would take
To feel better like sunshine on my face
To stop running from all my mistakes

The thoughts of killing myself come rushing through my brain
I need a release perhaps a distraction from the pain
I start cutting and feel numb , i feel nothing but this blade,
on my skin and tell myself ,"Let me fade today, fight again another day."

I hade a relapse when i wrote this one , i feel tension everywhere , so i'm back on the blade. But i'm fine.

#losingmymind #fading #coping

Jun 3 · 29

Relapse

Hermit Jun 3

Relapse

I want to pour it out like rain on rooftops,
Let the thunder of my sorrow be heard
Cry rivers on a shoulder that won’t judge the storm.
But I bury it.
Like a secret I swore to never tell myself.

I want to leave it behind,
Like ashes scattered by the wind
But this pain boomerangs back,
Sharp and sudden,
Like a ghost that refuses to stay dead.

They told me to be a man.
Taught me silence is strength,
That tears are rust on armor.
But this isn’t a battle I can win by bleeding inward.

So help me
Not to be harder,
But to be whole.
Not to erase the past,
But to carry it like a scar that speaks,
Not screams

May 3 · 38

That feeling

Hermit May 3

That feeling

I don’t know this feeling
but it knows me.
It slips beneath my skin
when the night forgets to breathe.
Uninvited. Unrelenting.
A quiet voice that screams:
"cut, cut, cut, cut…"

I don’t want this feeling,
but it always finds its way.
A shadow pressed against my chest,
suffocating in the gentlest way.
It comes and goes like broken tides,
but each time,
it takes a little more of me.

I lose myself
in the silence between heartbeats,
in the war no one can see.
Every time it visits,
I forget the sound of light.
I forget how to be.

Apr 21 · 51

I Broke Me

Hermit Apr 21

I Broke Me

I broke me.
Not in the ways
people see.
Not in the way
you think it starts—
with a moment,
with a choice.

It began quietly,
the way a storm whispers
before it rips through everything.
The weight of things
pressing on me
until I could no longer tell
where I ended
and the pain began.

I broke me.
I didn't need anyone else
to hurt me.
I didn't need the world to tell me
I wasn't enough,
because I already knew that truth
too well.

There were no words
loud enough to drown the silence inside,
no love that could stitch the cracks
I wore like a second skin.
So I found a way to feel
something—
anything.
The blade became my breath,
the only thing that made me real
when everything else felt fake.

Each line,
each scar
was a plea,
a confession,
a cry
that no one could hear.

I broke me.
Not because I wanted to die—
but because I didn’t know how to live
with the weight of all the things
I could never say.

And when the bleeding stopped,
it wasn’t relief.
It was emptiness,
a hollow quiet where the pain used to be.
And I wondered
if this would ever end,
if I’d ever find a way
to unbreak myself.

But I broke me—
and sometimes,
that’s the hardest thing to forgive.

#bleedingwords #cuttingtofeel #silentcrisis

Apr 21 · 36

The Next Moment I...

Hermit Apr 21

The Next Moment I...

1st step.
2nd.
3rd—
...pause.
2 steps back.
reset.
again.
again.

How does it end?

I ask
like I haven’t already
broken the answer
in my hands
a hundred times.

One moment,
I swear I see the path—
lit, clear,
like maybe I was meant for more.
The next,
I’m sinking into myself,
slow,
silent,
like grief with no name.

Hope is a ghost
I keep chasing in my sleep.
She never stays.
Not for me.

I smile like it means something.
Breathe like I’m not
falling apart
every second I’m awake.
No one sees
the cracks I carry in my chest.

I call it progress,
this pretending.
But it’s just
a prettier way
to bleed.

How will it turn out?
Maybe it won’t.
Maybe this—
this looping,
this aching—
is the only ending
I’ll ever know.

#loopingthoughts #resetagain #spokensilence

Apr 19 · 225

RAGE

Hermit Apr 19

RAGE

It feels like fear, it feels like fire,
Like pressure building, climbing higher.
It’s silence breaking into screams,
It’s shattered glass inside my dreams.

It’s every “no” I had to swallow,
Every fake smile I had to follow.
It’s being told “you’re just too much,”
Then wondering why I never trust.

It’s fight or flight with nowhere to run,
A war inside that’s never done.
It’s crying in the shower stall,
And praying that no one hears at all.

It feels like lightning in my veins,
Like thunder dressed up as my name.
It’s fury dressed in Sunday best—
A heart too loud to let me rest.

It’s when the tears have turned to heat,
When breaking down starts to repeat.
It’s shaking hands and biting tongue,
It’s all the songs I left unsung.

It’s childhood screams in grown-up skin,
A beast I keep locked deep within.
It’s not just pain—it’s pain denied,
It’s every time I should've cried.

It’s wanting peace but needing war,
It’s kicking down a bolted door.
It’s loving deep but hurting more,
A tidal wave inside my core.

Don't tell me “Breathe," don't say "relax,"
When all I've ever known are cracks.
This rage, it isn’t just a phase—
It’s how I’ve learned to walk through blaze.

Rage isn’t evil.
It’s grief with nowhere to go.
It’s love that’s been left in the cold.
It’s fear that grew teeth.
It’s me,
trying not to disappear.

Ever felt like expressing your feelings but your introverted nature will not let you? the pressure starts building up slowly like a volcano then starts killing you.

#rage #anger #introvert #melancholy

— The End —