the sun matters.
i'm just saying.
it matters.

it matters that things
be alive
  and green
it just does.

eddie pepitone matters.
playing songs on repeat for hours on end matters.
rangpur matters.
  ice cream friggen matters.
i'm just saying. it does.

having a brother that gets it
matters.
laughing so hard i cry
     matters...it really does.
even the trumpeter on my balcony
thinks so.

have i made it through the winter?
it appears i have.
i don't think it was enough.

maybe, just maybe
if the birds come back and
build a nest for me
to look at everyday
that will be enough.

no.
i know what birds are.
they are distractions.
but i can be distracted for months.

birds are real and
birds are beautiful
but they are not my birds.

where are my birds?!
why can't i have my own birds?!

my tree.
my nest.
my birds.

i can build things.
i can make things.
i can even act like a crazy robin
  defending her children,
  flying and lunging at intruders.
i could.
i can even hop around
  with my mate and get worms
  and give them all to the babies.
i don't need anything more than worms.
or sticks. or mud.
or a couple ******* birds to hang around with.

it's fine.
i'm fine.
maybe if i can just watch the robins
that will be enough.