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Helen May 2015
There comes a time
when your inner self shouts
Enough is enough!
You can't change him

as his demons cry
You can't break him
But then,
your heart whispers
But, you love him
and I try, oh how I try...
Helen May 2015
When I have single handedly
taken over the universe
and lived inside your mind
When every step taken
is an incendiary field
full of triggering land mines
The one thing,
the only thing
you refuse me,
the one thing
that will make my life worse
is when I sit beside you
and ask you for a hug
you just shrug
and your arms stay beside you
I know then, in truth
It's not true
I know then
my only truth
You don't need me
as I need you

*It's a line that should be crossed
unless you want to count me
as another loss
sometimes... sometimes, I hate! so many things...
Helen May 2015
One day I'll be enough
of a person
Enough to recognise
I'm worth it
One day I'll be enough
of a Partner
Enough to recognise
I could be your ever after
One day I'll be enough
of a Wife
Enough to recognise
I need no other life
One day I'll be enough
of a Mother
Enough to recognise
you didn't need another
One day I'll be enough
of an Individual
Enough to recognise
I'll never be good enough
*for you
one day...
Helen May 2015
I** am the sparkle upon the waves
only parts that are a whole
know that I twinkle in your gaze
you whisper to me untold
in less words that are bold
fragments are all that catch your eye
Shards of broken glass
of crushed moments and empty dreams
our solitary shadows are the past
existence is merely just a need
bleed wounds that would choke us
the cut needs to be deep
sunsets are beyond our hopelessness
lonely existence is beneath our lies
reprise just closed eyes
The down is a sentence given to me, across I see the beauty in those words :)
  May 2015 Helen
Rai
I came to read
And read I did until my eyes blurred
The tears smudged out the words
But my heart was full of the pain and darkness
Your heart laid upon a slab
Sacrificial trembling's of some forgotten ceremony
Acted out in style
Every detail
Every single breathe taken
Felt in moments of desire and lose
With each betrayal of time
Within each moment of madness hidden
In spaces so sublime
I found a moment when
Your pain turned into my tears
Walk lightly
Love deeply
Sleep soundly
The light may seem gone
But place your hands upon your heart and know there is still
A place where those we love awaken
And hold us so close
Because we loved and allowed them
The moments they needed
We are connected and separated and each mirror cracks only to show us our true selves ...
Helen May 2015
The trails of woe and agony
are not new to me
because every step you've taken
I've taken too, as I I follow you
and when you're  down and out
it's my hand on your chest
checking your heart beat
pressing against you to ensure
your not alone
But your last bout of indecision
lasted more than a week
Your withdrawal from the daily
works, retreating to places
where you could not speak
left us all to go on our way
Living day by day without
your presence, without your
Love, without acknowledgement
We moved on
I know rising from a coma
can be, simply, an astounding feat
but those that you try to engage with
have moved their feet, everyday
You can't just arise and say
Hear me!
For your silence every day previous
left us impervious to hurt
Perhaps a gentle reminder
we were not forgotten in your
delirium would better serve
You were never forgotten,
for a single moment
But to you, in your mind
*We were...
Living and Loving a long term PTSD Anxiety Depressive... I'm embarrassed to say,  sometimes, I get frustrated :(
Helen May 2015
nothing matters
in this world
anymore
*you closed the door
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