we're just two stars in the sky
two souls that will not meet
our paths will not cross
you could be living down the street
although i'll never know you
i want to wish you luck
the world can be so cruel
but please do not give up

~S.E

This girl is darkness and she’s beautiful.
She tells me to call her darkness.
She wears makeup I hate and always has a scowl on her face.
She threatens to break my legs if I touch any of her writing journals.
She rolls her eyes whenever I tell her I miss her.
She cancels our dates because she sometimes gets too anxious.
She sometimes lets me hold her hand.
She cries for hours after reading a book and she calls to rant about the characters she hates.
She refuses to wear the ring I got her on her finger so she wears it on a necklace.
She says she likes her nails sharp so she can impale her enemies with a flick of her wrists.
My girl is darkness and she’s beautiful.

Today I screamed at the wall.
It was broad daylight.
I bet the neighbors heard.
I threw your pillowcase across the room.
I couldn't breathe.
I wonder if you do this too.
I slowly sunk to my knees.
It kind of felt like a prayer.
Lying on the floor I pull one of your letters close to me.
You called me starfish.
It still smells like you.
I can almost see you writing it in your horrible handwriting.
Five more weeks.
I have had this headache for three days now.
Stuck with writers block since I left.
Sometimes I can't close my eyes.
Your blue ones are so beautiful.
My heart still pounds in my ears.
I wonder if yours does too.
I must have memorized all of your letters by now.
It really hurts.
I try to claw my heart out sometimes.
I think I'm crazy.
You must be lying on this floor with me.
I can feel your thumb brush over my thumb.
Your heartbeat is slower than mine.
I'm not sure if I want to wrap you closer to me
Or push you away.
I could drown in your memory these days.
I'm afraid I won't get back up.
I wrap you closer of course.
I'm wearing your T-shirt.
And the smile you gave me once.
I've spent the day on the floor.
It's Sunday.
Pancake day.
You always made them the best.
I think I'll scream at the wall some more.
Nowadays I can't go to bed without a cup of tea.
*It kind of feels like your lips on mine.

I say “tomato”
You say “toe-mah-toe”
I say “I want to pierce my nose”
You say “don’t you dare scare that ivory skin”
I say “ I want to be a poet”
You say “but that doesn’t make much income”
I say “I am never having a baby”
You say “you’ll meet a nice man, settle down, and change your mind”
I wear this silver pentacle
Around my throat like a noose
String me up and hang me
Like my sisters from Salem
Condemn me because I don’t fit
In the box labeled “Christian” on your questionnaire
Call me a ****** for finding the beauty in another woman’s curve
Brand me a ***** just for existing
Pull at my heartstrings
Like a puppeteer
Guide my every movement
Cut out my vocal cords and replace them with yours
After all, you know best right
If I dye my hair a color that isn’t
Blonde, black, or brunette
I’ll never land a job
If I don’t quit with this feminist ****
No man will ever want me
You’re only looking out for me right
If you know so much about me
Tell me who I am
Tell me how I felt when I was thirteen
And stealing my brother’s straightedge
To carve Jack-O-Lantern faces into my upper thighs
Tell me how I felt when my mother
Grabbed my cheeks and told me
To pop my pimples
When she asked me if I ever wanted to be beautiful
As if I wasn’t already
Tell me how I felt when I sat across my sister
In a mental hospital
After she gorged herself on unknown pills
And she said
“Don’t ever die. Dying isn’t fun”
Tell me how I felt when my parents
Showered me in gifts
After I finally told them I was depressed
Like they were trying to buy back my happiness
Tell me how I felt when the boy
With the beautiful smile and cigarette stained breath
Stuck his hand into my *******
And whispered
“You know you want it”
Tell me how I felt when my body froze with fear
When early onset rigor mortis snaked through my muscles
When I clamped my knees together
And denied him access to my body
Tell me how I felt when
He pushed his blushing appendage into my mouth
After I said no
And how I felt when I kept my lips sealed
How I let him get away with it
If you are such an expert on my landscape
Pinpoint all my scars and beauty marks and moles
Locate all the intimate areas my fingertips explored
Tell me how often I shave my legs
Tell me how much pride I feel when I remember to put on deodorant in the morning
Draw a map of all my
Forests, canyons, and lakes
Prove to me you really know me
Prove that you’re really looking out for me
Prove your advice
And remember
No good deed goes unpunished
And if you still maintain that you know what's best
Look me in the eyes
And tell me who I am

I will become a Polly Jean
I will start throwing kerosene
and living in a dream

I'll grow my hair to twice my size
and keep journals and fantasize
(oh when oh when will I leave my town
when will I wear the gypsy crown?)

I want to get out in a vagabond cart
and transform my life into incarnate art
and fall in love twice with the same man
because he is the only person I can truly understand

Yes, I will become you, Polly Jean
I will be the next bohemian beauty queen
I will rip out my eyes and replace them with jewels
and make the world an offer
it simply cannot refuse

I'll make my bed fifty feet under the stars
and surround myself with broken people
playing on broken guitars
I will never look back again
I will spend my whole life wandering

I'll paint my face different every day
and discover new ways to take the pain away
in some papers or a needle or a pile of ashes
Polly Jean, I can't wait to see it as it crashes

Polly, I will paint you
like you are painted in my heart
Polly Jean, infinite
and never-ending art

i get really sad
and somewhat heartbroken
when i think of all the things
that i don't know about you
i don't know where you go
or what you do
it may seem weird
that i would want to know
all of the little things
like what you eat
and when you go to bed
and what you do with your day
but i guess that's what love is
i'm interested in everything
that i could possibly know
it ***** that most of you
is kept so private
i would share anything with you
i guess you have to protect yourself
but i'll tell you right now
i'm not dangerous
and i love you enough
to where i would never
want to harm you
or use anything against you
no matter what
i wouldn't dare think of it
i just want to know you
thick and thin
through and through
i feel like i'm shown one person
and the rest of the world
the real world
is shown something else
i want to experience who you truly are
not just some part of you
or some held off
piece of you
i want all of you
i want to know everything you think
everything you say
and everything you do
i want you
one hundred percent
i want to know all the secrets
that you don't share with anyone else
i want to know all the different parts of you
the dark ones and deep ones
that only come out at night
the light and funny ones
that come out on a good day
the hard working and dedicated ones
that come out when you are focused
i want to see it all
because i love you
and to think i don't know all there is to know
rips me in two