Tastes like gratitude, smells like sweetness
The lying eye of nostalgia, I know he doesn't mean it.

My life is green with patches if dryness, but it's okay. At times my crops may be dry around the edges or I will be thirsty from the labours of watering and pruning.

There will always be gnats and rocks that lie in the dirt.
Some days I will bleed and be bitten, others I will miss, misplace and mistake the common trials
Believing it to be my demise,
Some days it might have been
And one day it will be.

I know that common is full of cracks where unknown creatures crawl and where also blessings dribble and pour.

I still taste you on my lips
You were a king who hugged and kissed
I was robbed of my heart so big
I’m now a pauper who wishes she could give
I didn’t care about certain kinks and cracks
I just loved how you loved me back
I wish I could have given you all in my shack
But now I’m a pauper who needs time to get love back

Every time we meet at the garden
The wind blows and we cross paths
our stems touch and thorns scratch
we fall from our bushes
we lay together wishing to be one
My dry petals start to smoke and begin to barren yours
Your bud ignites as you draw nearer
In synchrony we light with love and smoke passion
together we are burning roses

All I want when the peak of my mind is unrested is to lay me head on the belly of my maker
Blessed am I to behold such comfort
I pray that me may be for thee thy comfort

You were the limb that I longed for
A piece of soul I fell hard for
But in the end you selfish and cold
Made me twist my fingers to cut at the wrist
Cut of that much loved part of me I thought Had made me all complete

And I thought I was the *****
But I was pulling the stitch that you had sewn before the cloth was washed
matched and measured fit

All I wanted was for you to keep going
Sewing the stitch consistent and bliss until we could wash and measure it
No change of seam from you to me we would be one in synchrony
But you would barely defend that you were my friend and danced around something more
From my compassion I thought it was a lashing to tell you what to do with me
I hate begging a friend to love and mend my self as I would more than do for them
Funny I begged
I never would pledge my knees to the ground
But I grovelled in gravel under your hands that refused to lift me up
Where some how too busy to simply pull out the friend from meeting a blue end or a self drawn tragedy
Instead you let me grab your feet while you never moved a peep to realise you were never standing there
False stating your stance while you go and dance among other worthy subjects
So I let go each digit hoping you would still come as I could hear your voice in the distance.
My knees bleed on the floor and friends come out to draw a cloth and help me
I was unknown of the red because my eyes were bowed as my head begging a man who was never there
So sad to hear and gloomy to know
All because I fell in love with a boy

Shacked by my love for you
Forced to make you a memory

All I wanted was you in the bed next to me
Not for the just for the touching
But too for the loving. Letting and listening

Simply support
I wouldn’t extort
No you wouldn’t return it

Was it forget or neglect
Or Was it both without ***
In that I mean spirit, emotion  
X,y and z
soul scratching and searching

You would no longer choke me but
Scroll through your phone
Leave me alone whilst I was raw in your company

I was holding too long
On a feeling so gone

Forgot you were a coward

You wished to be my cowboy but
You couldn’t sit on the horse cos you lied
Lied to yourself what a horse was and bought a pony instead
Realising it wouldn’t endure cos you wouldn’t wait to afford a stallion

That would conquer a rebellion
Ride till the end of all days and give you all praise.
A living companion
All from a beginning price you fooled and left face for
Maybe in a different score
A different plane with roads and sky scrapers
you can buy the Ferrari  
cos you have all the money
From waiting and honesty just
for yourself
Not for the wealth, clout or the currency

Not with you currently
But hoped for a time where there is truth and no lies and I’m on a plane to the land of your love ready to be what we want to be.

The birth pains of success
Every sector of my soul is being pushed above my comfort
To succeed and overcome I must first persevere the contracting pains of giving life to my goals
The squeezing and enduring this hardship causes me heart wrenching discomfort
But I remember I am with dreams and I must go forth in order to see and adore what tomorrow beholds

I’ve never felt like this before
My chest hurts and my face is filled with water
I’ve never felt such a stretch from not seeing somebody
I don’t know what to expect
What to do
How to act
How to move
I just know my soul whispers your name
And there is nothing I can do

Searching from the depth of earths soil up into the skin of God’s sun
I like letting myself grow

A moment in time
A year of insanity
The artists unfortunate magnanimity

Each floral petal of my heart is being plucked as each car drives by into the morning
All I wanted was to see you here
Why does missing hurt so much
I feel so helpless and of discard
Why isn’t time and effort on my side
This is not about ***
Not about money
All I want is to see your face and love you in body

My chest hurts
It feels worse
Please help the bleeding from within
Why does this hurt
I think I made it hurt
I have not cared for my being

I am the joke now
How to move now
Missing is the worst kind of sick
My soul cries your name and I can’t help it

She taunts me with anxiety
Whenever I eat
Dribbles on my mind death by constriction and swollen lips
Tricks me into security and troubles me death
reminds my mortality is all mist
Can hista really save me
Will lance make a difference
In the end I might just take the poison
That convinces me of my end

I wish for my soul to shine through my skin

When slumber is the closest thing I can grasp near death  
I remember how it seems best to end it all in times of cleft

-

Critters wrapped like lollies falling on my body from a ceiling created by hallucination and an unknown press

Where did they go.
Why can I now breath from my nose?
How can I now see straight and into my periphery?

In the shower I was visited
By crimson ghouls
They were small and friendly
Visiting to send a message
Help identify my pain
Man they said man
Then crouch they said
Pray.

Karmic

Like the sky is blue and my blood is red
God is God and creator of my head
Though there may be clouds and rain
Wind and hail the heavens remain the same cool deep shade of cyan
In the night I might forget and inside no less
But when the sun comes out and the curtains are raised the almighty’s name can’t leave my mouth
The truest colour and hue
There is none I can hide what I do because the Lord fruits only the truth which enriches
My mind body and soul
I have fears that I am not safe
That I am far from the tree shade of my blue skied deity
I ask and pray from thee for he and me
That we may be.
As you wish how you have painted
Grown and healed beyond repair
Please help
And stay
With me
I pray in your name
Jesus
And
To your
Will

Amen

So many signs you are well though we havent met
My pretty winged friend told me when he was sent

Lies and lust
Acts and aesthetics

Sitting here cramped with confusion
Jumping to conclusions in the dumps of the worst

Surely not me
Not now
Not before x and y
I love you still
And do not regret the feels
But remember that this is a situation and a manifestation
responding to my desperate cry for the sensitivity of my soul
I am blessed to feel as though I have been spoken
And have the power to navigate
Educate and reciprocate emotions
I sit in empathies I have never cradled before

Nobody wants to hire me
Simplicity is uninspiring
It cripples me
as above God and my family it is what enlightens me
The counting days inside has me unknown to who I live
I am shackled by the education I once loved to eat
Dressed in numbness
Drawing hopeless
Consuming loneliness
Somehow I'm still here

...

At least, the sun is shining
New love is trying
And my hair is whispering hope, wisdom and patience despite this

Deceived, we all are
Until we see the light and all the shadows are gone.

Now I know true brightness I often see others believe the shadows and shapes of what’s not there.

Funny how this world is made blind by the dark to pretend it is the light that stops them from seeing.

Now I see

I enjoy and bask in the true light and hold the linen bag with gratitude while the grains of time inevitably mists through peacefully.

Before I could not stand the sound of sand hitting the cold hard ground
I would ignore its appearance and trance past it by mentally muffling the noise.

I stand glad now that I can watch and listen content as each glassy piece dusts the floor and be satiated in my grip on that linen bag named life.

When you say it as it is
Unadulterated by what has been
The queer flavour is enriched and
Many layers come to fruit

A taste and scent I know

I look in the mirror
I wonder who I see
I perceive and see back the eyes of my ancestors
Who and how many
As time goes on. As I meet persons whom evoke and revive some.
It becomes clearer but more crowded
Who do I follow
Who do I remember
Who do I forget
How do I honour them
How do I respect

In my food
In my hair
In my skin and in my breath
All I know are banana leaves and how the smell and taste

I’m tired
I want to never wake up
My Mind Is gone
Body mangled
Love lost
I am a carcass on life support

Not only do our lives matter Black is more than a life that matters.
Black is beautiful in every way shape and form.
Why do you steal it and call it yours?
Why now do you tell me I look wrong?
Black is strong.
You love me in sport and when I play but when I am walking and moving I’m scary and and in your way.
Understand
Black is intelligent in every age
Why do you tell me that it’s strange for me to behold and engage.
To educate
Black is interesting yes
But do you go and **** precious diamonds pat artefacts?
Black is brilliant I know
But why do you dull my gleam with your fingerprints all on my fro

Black is enough
enough
Black is enough
Black is
Black
Enough.

Wouldn’t you be pained and hurt and miss them
If it was my brother my sister
It would cut deep
I would cry in crimson
I would stomp and scream and shout
Because my blood has been taken out
No reason no sin no game no win
Just because of our darker skin

Why so many seconds in a season
So much time in one year?
I know patience is virtuous and that What needs to happen will
But at this moment in time I have this rock of pity in my throat that I am pushing to swallow.
I know that it is a waste of time and non constructive but it still dwells at the back of my throat between my ears
Fragments are slowly being swallowed painfully and stiff.
There is too much pity, I cannot swallow
It’s making me gag and spit.

The way the sun bounced off my hair was a prayer
The subtle glimmer off my skin was not sin
The ebony cast of my eye was no lie
The loving warmth of my cheek was simply meek
For he spoke it and it came to be.

We drove into the Costco carpark.

I liked when you were here
Instead of the impact of eruption  
The burning of skin
Screaming from within
Crouching from threat
Shuddering and fear
We were the traditional unit I dream

I’ve been warned of love always and that he cannot see
I’ve been told that he is deceptive and never bares what is real
Many shout that it is forever but I do not see the endless ring
I pray thee uncovers hope and help me believe.

The smell of mop soap
Your subtle knit brown coat
The sounds of self comfort in the pounding notes.

Her legs glisten in the light radiating heat in her steps
Enchanting me with her eyes
Promising a new world to me
Joyed in the comfort of her smile
Enticed by her grimace in my grief
Oh dear Persephone please bring death to me

As honey billows from a hive
Words satisfy my mind
The sweetest dew breathed out of mouths
Mists my skin in Eros
My heat rises and bubbles the molasses in my head
Slow hands stir its thick syrup and enjoys its warmth and feel
Caressing down my cheeks
On my tongue and into my lips
harmony pleases my inner itch

No option of death but rejecting the choice to live
Slumber is closest to my end I can be.
Please help me to believe
I don’t know if you do anymore
Where I am is unknown to me
I can’t hear, can’t see, can’t perceive you
Yet I want to be lead
I pray you find me and awaken us from our sleep

Slow batted eyelids
Breaths subtracting by the second
Core stern and steady
Covering of what is
You don’t know what’s inside
But I wish that you did,
Though I will never tell you
Or show you what’s within.
Looking into an eye
An eye of confusion
Curated and made to distort
My fault you can’t read me,
Can’t tell what I want.
Because of your terrors
I paint nonchalance,
No more I can handle
I stand in fear
leave with my thoughts.
Though love still endures
I feel finished and done
I pray dear oh Lord
Make real the nonchalance.

Something I never understood but also something I still don’t fully understand.
What I do know is what being feminine is the unity and support in other women,
Respecting and understanding one another in Eve’s mystery. It is holding our strength and accepting our weakness and knowing that it does not make us any less. It means knowing our bodies and working together with spirit and soul we have to live out our plan and purpose.

Pursuing a dream
A glaring sheen
Bells and bumps
Elitist appeal
Perfect fit
Vain top hit
And an ego untouched
A dance and clutch
... dreams to big
Not small enough?
Sarcastic teeth
Aubergine pun
Oh Link Larkin
The one?

The pure power of his name
the worlds shroud of shame
The illness that riddles all bone and breath , the choke of stress
Oh suffocating tresses, tresses of the tongues poison, the sting, sly sting of the fables caught under my skin.
Aggression, aggression  the furrowing grandeur of my pain. Oh hatred, the hatred out of petty presses and knotty messes. Slain
Slain in the name greater that pain.
Reason, purpose, path, passion, love
Over pouring, transforming
No longer a grudge
Power, strength, stature and rebellion. Rebellion against the pain and hatred inverse aggression, passion
Passion in objecting the twigs and tears of such a whirl.
Not a passive glance at possibility and theoretical action.
But a planting of peace in what harrows
Turn from the noose, the water, the fruit.
Reason is woven into your roots.
An everlasting water growing my bones  though tested by the dagger and the rope
hearty marrow will no longer wield my ruin.
Second hand torture.
Unknowingness in bystander
The slap of selfishness and the wishes for the best.
Despite reason convoluted and lacking in the trust of above. Complaint, complaint dear ease your paints. No coverage less coverage over protecting your taint. Pour, love pour love even in your tears. The nakedness of your heart is true honesty and cure. Lack fear, no fear, it’s a fight not a flurry. Much is ahead my dear
Know He is there because you are still here.

Though your words don’t trickle from your mouth
I see them flow from your eyes bubbling from your beautiful mind.
Precious thoughts in a naval space I cannot reach
If only I could swim in your logic and fish through your thinkings

The stinging dagger of infatuation, how it haunts my heart, A dissolved shell and cast spell I was a chimera of teenage fantasy and hopes. Questioning the reciprocal and dousing myself in avidity while discourage allowed me ailment. Dreams of humming bodies in victory and patience estranged by the mind. The stiff knock of reality and the dry tears of calamity. Oh how the stinging dagger tormented my nile.

If the stones would cry out in praise of their creator, mustn’t I deluge worship from every grain which I am crafted,
Humbly and undeniably?

full, so full and effervescent.
overflowed by my creator despite my will to hold or withstand the contents.
ever trickling for you although I harden my spout
simply purposed yet complexed by morality
oh so full, so effervescent, pray my spout never shy from Providence's one true will.

Dear virtuous patience may you be mine?
Dearest virtuous patience is it true you know time?
Lovely virtuous patience what is in your design?
Beloved virtuous patience what is your price?
Holy virtuous patience no wonder you are divine.

Dearest friend,
Telleth me what troubles thy heart
Your anguish is apparent to me
She deceives you and convinces you to hide
Dearest friend,
Your secret cry rattles me
My chest sings in agony of being on your outside
Dearest friend,
I may not be able to resolve your qualms
But I know our Lord will.
Dearest friend, I pray thee allowest me in.